Do you know i good joke to cheer me up?

Question

i had a bad week and i realy feel like laughing it out of me! its high school so want ru gonna do bout it? if u would cheer me up it would HELP me a lot - thanks

Answer 1

whats white,lives in the himalayas,and lays eggs?
the abomidable snow chicken

ANOTHER.............

A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, "Look ... I'm sorry, but I'm just not your type. I'm not inflatable"

ANOTHER...............

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

hahaha i love these!!

Answer 2

A space program needs a person who can stay on mars until death.
So they selected 3 persons for that
1.Doctor
2.Scientist
3.Politician
Now each one are called for interview
Interviewer:So how much money do you want for this agreement?
Doctor : I want a billion dollars
Interviewer:So how much money do you want for this agreement?
Scientist :I want 2 billion dollars
Interviewer:So how much money do you want for this agreement?
Politician:I want 3 billion dollars.
Interviewer:But doctor and scientist have asked for 1 and 2 billion dollars why should i opt for u?
Politician:Okay,we will do one thing out of 3 billion u give me 1 and you take 1 and give 1 to the doctor .

Answer 3

Confessions of kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 3
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary! .
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 4
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

i know a good one..
Will and Bill were arguing about whose dad was stronger
Will said, "You know the Pacific ocean? My dad dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed..
"Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My dad's the one who killed it!"

Answer 5

read this " I am we todd did, I am sofa king we todd did" then make someone else read it out loud you have to of course read it out loud or it wont work you will laugh your *** off!!!!

Answer 6

Sure!! I have tons of Jokes!!!!!

1) There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"

2) A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."
Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

3) There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight.
The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very excited about being in Texas.
The long trip had worn him out a little so he decided to stop at the bar for a small soda and a light snack before going up to his room to unpack this clothes.
When the waitress set down his drink, it was in a huge mug. "Wow, I had heard everything in Texas is bigger," he told her.
"That's right,"she replied. The blind man ate his snack and finished his drink. After drinking such a large amount, it was only natural his next stop was going to have to be the restroom. He asked the waitress for directions. She told him to turn left at the register and it would be the second door on the right.
He reached the first door and continued down the hall. A few steps later he stumbled slightly and missed the second door altogether and ended up going through the 3rd door instead. Not realizing he had entered the swimming area he walked forward and immediately fell into the swimming pool.
Remembering everything he had heard about things being bigger in Texas, as soon as he had his head above water he started shouting "Don't flush! Don't flush!"

4) A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. "thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards.
The mans curiosity gets the better of him, and he searches for a hole in the security fence. Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.
Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye. As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues "fourteen fourteen fourteen!"

5) One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above NewJersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, BillGates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began tofill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

6) A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

7) There once was a pirate who had a peg leg, a hook on his left hand, and a patch on his left eye. One day this pirate walked into a pub and sat down at the table beside a cabin boy. The cabin boy looks at him and said, "Hey mate, what happened to your leg, sir?" The pirate looked at him and said "AYE, I was leaning over to clean the side of me boat when I FELL into the water and a shark tore it off!" The cabin boy took a sip of his drink and looked back at the pirate's gleaming silver hook and said "Gee sir that sounds terrible, but what I would really like to know is what happened to yer hand?" The Pirate looked at him and looked back at his mug of ale and said," Aye, I was boarding another ship when some scaly landlubber cut it off with a razor sharp blade!"

Then the cabin boy looked at the pirates eye patch and asked, "Excuse me sir, but just one more question, what happened to your eye, I must know, oh please tell me?" The Pirate look kind of annoyed but answered anyway, he said, "It happened a long time ago when a seagull pooped in me eye and I tried to rub it out with me hook!"

8)
There was a man that was sitting in a recliner on the 1st floor of his house. It started to flood. 1 hour later a boat came and said "c'mon get in!" The man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!", so the boat left.

2 hours later he was forced to move to the 2nd floor. Another rescue boat came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!"

3 hours later he was forced to move up on the roof. A helicopter came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me." 4 hours later he died and went to heaven and he asked St. Peter why God didn't save him. St. Peter said "He tried! He sent you 2 rescue boats and a helicopter!!!!"

9) Once there was a parrot and he swore like a sailor. He belonged to a goody-goody little old man. The old man said, "Parrot, if you don't stop swearing, I will put you in a box!" The parrot kept on swearing. So the little old man put him in a box. The parrot kicked the sides and scratched at the box until the old man took him out. The parrot kept on swearing. The little old man said, "If you don't stop swearing, I will put you in a cupboard!" The parrot kept right on swearing. So the little old man put the parrot in the cupboard. The parrot was kicking the walls and making a lot of racket until the little old man finally took him out. The parrot kept swearing so the little old man said, "If you keep swearing, I am going to put you in the freezer!" The parrot kept right on swearing so the little old man put him in the freezer. The bird was making quite a racket for about 5 minutes then it was all quiet. The Little Old Man was beginning to get scared, so he opened up the freezer. The bird quietly stepped out, his hands folded in front of him. He said, "I will be good as long as I live! By the way, what did the chicken do?"

10) A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any grapes?" and the bartender says "No we don't sell grapes!". So the next day the duck comes back and says "Got any grapes?" and the bartender says "No we don't sell grapes, and the next time you come in here for grapes I'm going to nail your feet to the ground!!" So the next day the duck comes back and says "Got any nails?" and the bartender says "No, we don't sell nails" so the duck says "Got any hammers?" and the bartender says "No we don't sell hammers!" So the duck says "Got any grapes?"

Well that's all I have! Hope it made your day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!