My father has Stage III Pancreatic Cancer- I need suggestions. Serious answers only please.?

Question

My father's mental stage has gotten worse by the day here lately. He is undergoing radiation and chemotherapy treatments. He is pushing people out of his life- including me and my 2 year old daughter- the only person he wants is his wife (my mother). He is terrified to be alone- and his mental function is rapidly declining. It seems like all he is focusing on his death. I can't imagine how scared he must be, but I can't just sit back and let him go on like this. I want to help him as much as possible. There are no local support groups here, I would love to start one, but I don't know if I am qualified to do that. I feel like I need to help him with his suffering. If we are going to lose him, I want it to be as peaceful as possible. I want to improve his life while undergoing treatment- help him have some happy times. We don't know many details about how advanced the cancer is- we wont know until he finishes the round of treatments.

I believe his life is in God's hands. We don't know what's ahead of him or us, but I can't stand the thoughts of his possible last days with us being miserable and tormenting for him if I can help it. Has anyone dealt with this before? What suggestions do you have? Thankyou.

Answer 1

Your father's behavior is understandable considering the circumstances. I like the suggestion of conferring with his Social Worker. Good idea. Your parents may also soon need the services of Palliative Care. The doctors and nurses who choose this path can be of tremendous help when it comes to pain management and learning how to best help your father at this time. Speak to them about your idea for a support group if Social Services isn't aware of an existing one.

You, your father and the rest of your family will be in my prayers during the difficult and painful days ahead.

Answer 2

About 3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with a disease called sclerosing choilangitis.. he needed a new liver but quickly declined and it became apparant that he would not get the liver and he became terminal. We found that the morphine they gave him for pain made him very confrontational, he often said hurtful things and only wanted my mother around.. he pushed the rest of us away a lot. He did have god days but they were far outweighed by the bad ones.

I guess what I really want to say to you..is please respect his wishes..he may have reasons (no matter how unreasonable they really are) for pushing you away.. maybe he does not want you to have the bad memories of watcing his health fail, maybe he does not want your little one to see it.. maybe maybe maybe.. Be gentle with him, do not say anything you will regret.. and do not take anything he says or does to heart.. If you cannot find a support group, ask a social worker at the hopital, find out about hospice when the time comes, you CAN start a support group and it might be good for you.

Remember this it MUST be very scary to face your own mortality.. and none of us knows what that is like until we are dignosed with a life threatening illness.. pray for him, pray for your mom and your family..
a best of luck in finding peace

Answer 3

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. I think different people react to terrible situations differently, and I'm not sure what you can do, other than to be there if he needs you. I don't really have any good advice for you, other than saying you should be prepared for and expect the worst. Usually what the doctors tell you is overly optimistic - but that doesn't mean you should give up - there is always hope.

My father died from pancreatic cancer in 1985, and I think the newer treatments might keep people around a few months longer, but I don't think they can usually do much. I hope your father is one of the lucky ones and survives.

Answer 4

I feel for you. My mother in '76 had the same type of cancer. My brother wanted my father to take her to the Bio-Medical Center in Tijuana for treatments. Due to the controversy, he chose not to. Since then, my 19-year-old daughter was diagnosed with cancer (August, 2005), and has since then had two surgeries. Thereafter we chose to use the Tijuana clinic as alternative therapy, which I highly recommend. FIND info at the following website:
http://alternativenaturalcancertreatments.com/

My daughter was skeptical until she spoke with other patients while at the clinic. Some are returning after first going there 18 and 19 years ago. Others longer. One man who had Stage IV cancer was told by Rochester (Mayo Clinic) that if he could be helped anywhere, it would be at this particular Tijuana clinic. And to think that the USA use to have these clinics available in our own territory! The AMA, the FDA and the ACS booted them out. This in itself is a true crime!

Keep faith. Cast all your anxieties on the Lord. He will lead and guide you for the asking.

Answer 5

In 1990, I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 3-B, but I've survived. My doctors were great people, but they were limited to surgery, chemo and radiation by profitable AMA treatment policy. During the year in treatment, I started learning about alternative medicine. I'm a retired engineer, and this is what I've pieced together--our IMMUNE SYSTEMS become weakened by poor nutrition, lack of exercise and reduced oxygen. Once that happens, our body becomes vulnerable to common STRESSORS. Stressors can be environmental, like viruses, heavy metals, pesticides, food additives, electromagnetic waves or pollution. They can be internal things like emotional or job stress, or poisonous people in our lives. Aging is also a contributing factor. So this means:

WEAK IMMUNE SYSTEM + STRESSORS = DISEASE (cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc.)

Our bodies have 60 trillion--yes, trillion--cells, and there are always some mutating into cancer cells, but a healthy immune system kills them before they have a chance to get a foothold in the body.

It takes a LONG time, usually, or a high level of stressors, to weaken the immune system to the point where it won't do its job, but once cancer has formed, it will generally spread rapidly.

THIS IS IMPORTANT! There are ways to BEAT cancer that are currently being used in Europe and around the world, and there are some great books on the subject. I know because I've read about 50 of them from cover to cover. Here's a list of the best ones. Some are out of print and getting hard to find--

"The Cure for All Cancers", ISBN 0963632825
"The Cure for All Advanced Cancers", ISBN 1890035165
"A Cancer Therapy", ISBN 0882681052
"Oxygen Therapies", ISBN 0962052701
"Hydrogen Peroxide--Medical Miracle", ISBN 1885236077
"The Natural Cure for Cancer--Germanium", ISBN 0533071410
"Killing Cancer", ISBN 0705000966
"Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About", ISBN 0975599518

I know of people whose cancer has 'spontaneously remitted' (WENT AWAY for no known reason) AFTER they went on programs of herbs and nutrition to restart their immune systems.

You and your family must look out for yourselves to stand a chance of being healthy. This is not a joke, and I'm not selling anything--just trying to help.
I am using the things I learned in those books right now to fight off a second infestation of cancer. I've been at it for over a year now, and think I'm going to make it. Use what works for you, and pass on your success. Best of luck.

Answer 6

all you can do is stay available and help your mother when you can .

Your father may not want you to see him in his current state.

Make saure the doctor is doing all he can for pain management and support care for your fathers quality of life.

You may not be medically qualified for a support group but you could certainly try to organise one. The hospital may have a social worker or priest that could help.

Your mother may be the key to getting him to let you see him . I would leave your two year old out of it for now. she wont understand whats happening.

Answer 7

pancreatic cancer took my dear granduncle suddenly and swiftly. it is a hard time for your father and its a period of extreme difficulty for him. my grand uncle behaved like your father wanting only his wife and shutting everyone of us out. she told us he didnt want to hold us back and didnt want it to affect us thats why he choose to shut us out. however, with some persuasion and lots of faith and patience on your part you can get him to embrace you again like we did and succeded.
Darling, you have the heart and nobody else will have the qualification to start a support group if you dont have. i always tell people its the thought thats most important. with your kind thoughts and intention, think of ALL the cancer patients and familys who will benefit from your action of starting a local support group. it is a time of continual support and encouragements that will keep all of them going!
pain management is a primary concern usually and you have to make sure he doesnt have to worry about his management. help him keep track of the dosage and level of pain he's experiencing. otherwise, help him live a life as normal and more fulfilling than before! bring him out and live it up! time doesnt wait for us, we have to grab them and make them count! do something he loves with him, see that you and him enjoy what you guys are doing together!
pancreatic cancer unfortunately is usually discovered rather late and usually cure is slim. im glad he's going through treatment! to relieve the fatigue and lost of appetite, small meals of healthy food less in oil and salt are recommended. let him have his rest. dont worry about these medical stuffs. let the docs and nurses worry about that! for now go for the treatment and enjoy life!

Good Luck! Take Care!

Answer 8

people go through the stages of grief when dealing with something like this- you will grieve over the loss of your father and right now he is grieving over the loss of everyone/everything in his life. it is hard to understand what he is going through. and everyone responds differently. you may want to check out a book called "on death and dying" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. it explains all about the grieving process and will help give you some insight into how your father is feeling.

Answer 9

i lost my dad to cancer one year ago this month.. yes its hard but you need to talk to your dad and stay in his life. get things said that need be and be sure to tell him how much you love him and will help him through this.. stage 3 is bad but drs will do all they can.. my dad was stage 4 when he found out.. but we had the best times that last year of his life. make him laugh.. my dad loved laughing with me. but also if he will talk about it do so.. it helped him and me both... i will never forget how close we were and now specail we made it because we all have a end on this earth and a beginning else were and we made best of it.. so sorry you have to go through this but be strong for him and your mom.. and its ok to cry with them also but dont make them feel bad if it comes to end.. my sister was begging not to go but i was saying to him its ok daddy gods waiting for you and we all will be find and see you again.. i didnt want him to think i couldnt get alone without him.. i didnt want him fighting off the last. i wanted him to have peace. and that gave me peace.. good luck and prayers are with you

Answer 10

Please go consult with the hospital or clinic social worker - they will have one who can work with you and your family to make this a bit easier. Most people are not aware of the hospital social worker and some of the resources they can connect you too.

Stage III is pretty fair advanced - Stage IV is the final and last stage. I am very sorry to hear about your father's condition and my prayers go out to you and your family.