my mother has abused me for almost 22 years of my life, she gets joy out of my misery, i've moved out 5 years ago, initially i still contact her by calling her and visiting her, but her poison continue to affect me, last time she told me that i do not deserve my boyfriend as i am not beautiful, also i am an untrustworthy person, she constanly shows her favour towards my sister, things like that made me decided to cutting her off completely, i've stopped calling her for 8 months and changed my phone number, last Friday she came and knocked on my door, lucky i wasn't home, my boyfriend let her in and she give him a letter, she try to be very sweet and concerning, i threw the letter away without reading, now i am living in constant fear that she may knock on my door again, what should i do if she does?
2007-03-02 15:35:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i've confronted her several times about her abuse in the past but she takes no responsiblity, my father has died 3 years from her poison
2007-03-02 15:48:23 · update #1
I would move as soon as I was able to. Do not let her know where you have moved too. For now, do not answer the door, and tell your boyfriend you would like for him to not answer the door either. You did the right thing throwing the letter away. You have stopped letting her hurt you, and you deserve to live a happy life away from her. Good luck, and blessings for your new start for a new life. As for one answerer who said to give her hell, do not confront her. It only empowers her as she knows she is getting to you if she gets a response from you.
2007-03-02 15:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest getting counseling together, this way you can confront her and tell her what is concerning you, with the help and suggestions of the counselor.
You are not a child, therefore let her know not too treat you like one.
She can no longer abuse you, you have your own life, and if she doesn't want to reason and "get along" with you than she should have nothing too do with you.
But you must remember, someday you won't have your mother, and you will regret not having much to do with her. No matter how much anger and hate you feel for her now, you must try to get along.
I don't know of yours or your mothers background, but there must be some reason for her being abusive towards you and favoring your sister etc ..
This is why you need counseling together.
2007-03-02 15:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by melissa_renee_89 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a space between your mother and you. Eventually you will be strong enough to face her. Maybe you should only meet her in public once you feel strong enough to not put up with her abuse. Until you are ready you have to tell your bf not to let her in. and if she knocks you will have to tell her you are washing your hair and she should give you a call so you can "get together" some other time. Or some such. OR the adult thing to do is to tell her you need some space and that while you love her, you don't like the dynamics of the relationship and it will have to change. Then lay down the ground rules. Thsi is really hard, so maybe discretion is the better part of valour, until you're ready.
2007-03-02 15:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her you don't want her in your life and why, and have it done with. You shouldn't have to live in fear, but you are the one who has to take control of that.
Aren't you even curious about the letter? I have the problem of always hoping people will change, I do believe it's possible.
I'm not sure what you are afraid of, what can she do besides say mean things to you? If she starts that you just tell her to stop and if she won't stop, you leave. You are an adult now, you don't have to sit for that crap! (and don't invite her to your house where you'd be stuck unless you kicked her out)
2007-03-02 16:51:17 · answer #4 · answered by mrs.beasley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it truly is likely no longer that she hates you. some human beings only have project expressing their thoughts. If that is the first time you have ever stood as a lot as her, it may have made her imagine again on truly some the failings she's accomplished. inspite of the truth that she had no suitable to address you that way, you've taken the first step in coming up some barriers. you are able to coach human beings how they can deal with you. It sounds like she's tring to furnish an olive branch, and perhaps she will manage to attempt to regulate and coach you some recognize. each now and then it truly is confusing to forgive. yet, if issues do not exercising consultation contained in the top, a minimum of you'll understand on your human being ideas that you tried. i wish each little thing works out for the perfect.
2016-12-05 04:24:18 · answer #5 · answered by broadway 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot to over come,you have been abused to many years,you may need to get some professional help to help you cope,think goodness you have a boyfriend in your life,don't ever listen to someone to tell you that you are not beautiful or untrustworthy or anything negative anymore,call your Mom and tell her not to come around anymore that you are trying to heal,but call her once and awhile and tell her you love her show her you have a heart and it will also get back at her a little and make her think of what she has done to you.I hope you soon will over come your hurt,I know it will take awhile please find someone to talk to that can help you.
2007-03-02 15:49:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop all contact with her. dont call her. dont write. tell your boyfriend not to let her in. If she comes again, dont even answer the door, just ignore her. Do you live in a apartment? If so, tell your manager that someone is stalking you and make sure he doesn't let her on the property. If you live in a house, get a restraining order.
you said it was over 22 years ago; you're not a little girl anymore. If she confronts you, stand up for yourself; tell her to **** off. You can't let her hurt you anymore. If she starts peeking through your windows of your house or tries to let herself in, that's illegal and she can go to jail for that.
2007-03-02 17:23:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't answer the door.
Or, tell her ( through the closed door ) that you don't want to see her and to go away and never come back. If she doesn't leave in a few minutes, call the police. She cannot stay if you ask her to leave. ( That's harrassment and disturbing the peace )
Be sure to tell your boyfriend how you feel so he doesn't let her in again.
My father is the same way so I know how you feel. Don't feel guilty, you are doing the right thing.
2007-03-02 15:39:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not particularly nice is one thing; but when a person is destructive like she is, it makes sense to separate yourself. It appears that you like it that way and have no desire to reentangle yourself with her. If she shows up, tell her that you do not want to see her (quietly and as politely as possible) and gently close the door. If she stands outside the door and makes a scene, tell her you will call the police if she doesn't leave - then do so.
2007-03-02 15:41:22 · answer #9 · answered by Terri J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sound like your mother is a misable person with little joy in her life. So she trys to make you misable.
you should have read the letter. perhaps she is sorry. if she comes to the door again find out what she wants. if she starts her crap again just ask her to leave.
However she may want to bury the hatchet and you can have a healthy mother daughter relationship.
you dont want to have regrets if something was to happen to her.
2007-03-02 15:48:33 · answer #10 · answered by rondalaurell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋