Here is my problem.... I have been dating my now fiance for over 18 months and we just got engaged. He is wonderful. Absolutely perfect. I had been in a few bad relationships in the past where the men have lied and cheated many times but my fiance is not like that at all. But now at times I start thinking about other guys, especially my college boyfriend who totally broke my heart. My question is- what should I do? Continue planning the wedding?? My ex from college even sent me flowers for valentines day and we broke up over 2 years ago!! He says that he has changed and wants to be with me. I know that I could never do that because he would just cheat on me in the end. I know in my head that my ex is bad for me but the kid in me misses him and what we had (even though our entire relationship of five years was just him cheating and me crying). I'm so confused. My fiance is such a nice guy but I dont want to mess anything up. Please help...
2007-03-02 14:35:59 · 12 answers · asked by engaged26 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
don't get married with doubt. just stop the marriage first and just think if your ex dies or your finance dies, who would you miss more?
2007-03-02 14:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by Orange? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your a little scared of the prospect of "till death do us part". Feeling nostalgic over an ex boyfriend is completely normal; as long as its just a fleeting thought here and there. Just because you're engaged to be married doesn't mean that you have to let go of every memory of every man you've ever cared about before him. You can spend your whole life thinking about "what could have been" or "what could be" but I think you know that you'd be asking for trouble if you ever went back to him.
On the other hand, if a marriage is to last you must not enter it lightly and any doubts that you have about your fiance being "the one" must be explored. If you are not absolutely sure that he is "the One", you need to talk about it. I was engaged to be married back in 2000 to the father of my oldest son. I started to have doubts and we were getting down to the wire on the final details of the wedding and the reception. And I knew I didn't want to get married to him. I KNEW it, but I didn't tell anyone because I kept hoping that maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up and be 100% totally in love with him. Until one day, about a month from the wedding day, i told him I couldn't go through with it and that while I loved him, I wasn't "in love" with him. We called everything off, my mom lost a lot of money, but I didn't so much look at it as calling off our wedding, as I did preventing a divorce. The father of my oldest son has since gotten married, and I have gotten married. I never looked back and I never regretted my decision to not marry him. I regret that my son's parents are not together, but I think it would have been worse going through a divorce.
Bottom line - You need to enter a marriage without any doubts, period. Maybe he's the one, maybe he's not, maybe your ex is the one, or maybe you haven't met your "One" yet. I wouldn't call off your wedding because of the feelings you may or may not have about your ex. If your considering calling off your wedding, do it because of your uncertainty and your doubts. I know you don't want to hurt your fiance, but honestly, you'd be hurting him more if you entered into a marriage with less than your entire heart and soul into it.
Good luck...
2007-03-02 14:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first congratulations on the marriage. I hope you are not making the mistake of wrong guy. I believe that there is only one true love for us and that it will never be the same elsewhere so you might just check in on ex. Do you think he is still interested? I would just show up at his house and see his reaction. It takes balls but true love is worth it dont you think? Im a kristian and believe that nothing is more disheartening than giving up on true love. From personal experience my love gave up on me and I am honestly better than I ever have been in my entire life. The answer to the truth will ultimately set u free dear... come see.
2007-03-02 14:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now. Explain to your boyfriend what you wrote here. He needs to know and you are not in any frame of mind to get married. Until you are over ALL guys and they don't have any contact with you, don't get married. Ever wonder why you still allow this other stuff to happen. You've answered your own question.
2007-03-02 14:40:26 · answer #4 · answered by Jay C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know he's the one, why are you engaged to him? Sounds like your ex is a real loser. At least you've figured out you can do a lot better. Even being alone would be better.
Maybe you need time alone to sort things out.
2007-03-02 14:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha sounds like your fiance should be asking the questions, to you. I think you should look at the fact that you just asked the question you asked (realistically). That should answer it better than any response you get from anyone on here.
2007-03-02 14:46:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've answered your own question hon. you know what you have to do. ignore the guy who sent the flowers. some people like drama in their relationships but c'mon, can you really live with someone like that forever? no.
2007-03-02 14:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to older couples who have been happily married for many years and ask them for advice.
2007-03-02 14:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by kiwi feathers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart
2007-03-02 14:39:33 · answer #9 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he's not the one for you
if you have to ask
and if its been him doin everythin bad to you
and you jus takin it then how do you
think the marriage is gonna work heh?
do what yer heart tellsyou to.
2007-03-02 14:40:14 · answer #10 · answered by &d. i. l. i. hawt; 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋