Need advice for how to deal with my 16 yr old son?

Question

My son has always been a good kid. He helps me out in so many ways without arguing or sass. But he turned 16 last year and has surprised me by how much he's gotten into trouble. We're talking smoking pot (Only once to hear him tell it), driving hazardously, lying and possibly taking pills. I expected a few problems, but not this many this soon. It's breaking my heart, even though I know it's not personal. I need some good sane advice, please.

Thanks so much for your answers. Each one helped. I was so touched by the sincere responses. A lot of the suggested actions I have already taken. He does not drive his car, he doesn't go out on weekends. We have threatened drug tests, but his school has been taking care of that. They have done a search, drug test, and had drug dogs in the school. My son tested negative, for which I am grateful. No drugs were found on him, or any of his friends. He is a bit shook up from it all, but I think it will keep him on his toes. Prom is coming up and he knows he can't go if he messes up again. Again, thank you all for your great responses. It was so hard to chose the best answer here.

Answer 1

Take control of his life. Find out who his friends are. Meet them. Meet their parents. Be open and discuss his problems. Do not let him hang out with people you do not approve of. If you let him go out, ask who and where. Do not take a lame answer. Set a curfew and enforce it. Actually, I would ground him and gradually let him earn priviledges. Sometimes it takes a cold heart to love him and do what's best. Good luck!!

Answer 2

If you can keep in mind that your son is not really your son when he's taking drugs then it will help you get through this time. Teenagers do rebel and I don't know one parent that hasn't had problems while raising a teenager. It is normal. But what you are describing is more than that. He's trying to find himself and impress girls and be Mr. Popular at school. But he's going about it all wrong. He's hanging around the wrong type of kids and is getting himself into deep trouble. And will continue especially if his behavior and drug use persists. He truly (just like many others) does not believe that drug use is the core cause for his behaviors. But, it is. And you know it is first hand because you know him better than anyone and most importantly ... you know he is not being himself. I feel for you but you are not alone. If you want to get a hold of this situation and help him before it is too late then you need to take action now. He'll be 17 soon and when that happens there will be little that you can do. Even if he's living in your home. It's a hard step but I really feel that you need to place him in a drug rehab center. Preferably one that doesn't have any peers that he knows. It worked for my sister and my nephew and although they were extremely mad and bitter at first and even a few years after... we now have them back and we get to spend quality, loving time with the "real them" ... not the "drugged them". Good luck and God bless! Also... remember that teenagers on drugs are like cockroaches in a home. You may see 1 cockroach but beware that there are several more hidden in the walls. The same goes for teenagers and adults that are using drugs. They only admit to a fraction of what they've done. If they appear to have come clean about there actions know that there is much more you don't know. Again... Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

Well first of all i have 4 kids my self and i would be danged if they would be smokeing pot, takeing pills, and driveing hazardously, I think not! Second of all are you and his father together still? If not is the father involved what so ever? Thirdly this is what i would do,1 they sell drug test you can do at home, but i hate to say it you would have top supervise it so he does not trick you or take him to the drs. to have it done. or call around to see where you could get it done a place where he has no chance of cheating on it. 2. I would call your police dept. or detention home see if you can bring him in for a little tour. 3. Take the car keys. 4. Wait untill he is a sleep or gone and go through his room, any other time i would not say that but you have a reason to invade his privacy at this point in time.DO NOT tell him any of this stuff about the drug testing untill you get to the place your takeing him not even then he will find out when he is peaing in the cup. . Dont let him make you feel bad like the "i cant believe you dont trust me" bull crap! I would go through everything book bags pockets, rawers, anything that looks like he can keep something inside it i would look. any kind of cans with lids or containers with lids pockets of clothes in the closet...I am telling you you have to be strict right now so dont back down...And there are ways he can cheat on the at home drug tests, so if your going to do it, i would make him pee in the container where he has NO ACCESS to any kind of water or fluids. and do not tell him ahead of time spring it on him out of the blue!!! tell him no pee test no car. and you have someone coe maybe while he is sleeping take the keys take the battery out and lock it up where he cant get to the battery...You want to have a car and freedom well you will earn it back, He is way too old to whoop, and i am sorry dont want to be mean or cruel but the phsycologist thing and crap is a waste of time.. Being strict and follow through with it...Even dr. phil would tell you this is the right way to do it he is a 16 yr old teenager, you are a girl, so the whooping no! Talking kids dont want to talk whatever you say will just go in one side and out the other. But he would be on LOCKDOWN!!! trust me!!!

Answer 4

You spoiled him now you are finding that he was helping you so you would be easy on him. But know it's time for a deep hearted talk. Tell him that he is hurting you. And explain to him that he is worrying you. Get magazines about stress and let him read them because stress kills and you worrying about him will lead you into a stroke, heart attack or a eruption in the braid. Mt fried just died because she worried and hollered so much her vein in her brain burst. You and he needs to spend more quality time together. Show him how much fun he can have without taking drugs. Take him to some grown up AAA meetings where he can see how people on drugs become. Take him to the morgue and show him a dead body and let him know these are the things you are concerned about. I take my kids to alto of funerals and I explained to them why they died and how they died. And they are boys age 3 and 5 and girls age 8, 10 and 11 and I have no problems at all not even a curse word.

Answer 5

What worries me is the carelessness he is exhibiting. Does he know what pills he is taking? Most of the time, these pills come from a "friend" who has no idea what it is. We had a teen come into the hospital the other day very ill because she took what she thought to be pain medicine, which ended up to be blood pressure medication, which severely dropped her BP. I think it's important that you approach him in a nonjudgemental way. Don't say "you" messages, they will make him defensive. Tell him "I feel worried about you lately.." Make the conversation about you, and gently try to understand what is going on. Don't chalk it up to rebellion, there may be underlying problems, such as depression and stress where he is seeking other ways of helping, not so healthy ways. Let him know that you love him regardless and that he can come to you with anything. Whose car is he driving? Take the keys. He is risking himself as well as others driving recklessly. But most of all, let him know he will not be judged by you, but you will protect him the best you can. If he feels he cannot open up to you, call your local Health Department and ask about counseling. Many times there are support groups, where he will see he is not alone in how he feels, or if he prefers one on one sessions. Most of the time these are relatively cheap or even free, depending on where you live. Don't ignore it though. Be there for him. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I can't give much advice seeings my children are very young, but my boyfriend used to think all that stuff was cool too until I came along. He said he did it to feel good about himself. I would say get your son into a sport if there are any he enjoys because most schools have a NO DRUG policy. If that is out the question I'd say talk to him. My boyfriends mom kept her mouth shut for years (he is 25 now) he never realized how much it hurt her until I explained it to him. He apologized to his mom and he is no longer into any of the drugs. I hope this helped at least a little.

Answer 7

You just need to keep tabs on what he is doing and always talk to him. To be honest, the pot, driving, and lying don't sound very abnormal for any teen. The pills is what I would worry about the most. Children tend not to know the danger it poses to their health. When he wants to go out with friends, have the friends stop by at the house first (and TALK to them,) make sure you know exactly where he will be, and set a curfew--try to wait up for him most of the time. This way he will know you care about what he is doing and also that you will know what exactly he is up to (if he is coming home high.)

Answer 8

I even have been there with afflicted young human beings. In a vogue that's elementary. reason and effect. positioned each and every little thing in writting. If she does this......then that happens. no ought to argue or yell. ensure you place expectancies that may not punish you extra. Have her make it easier to set the regulations and sign them. Ultimitatly that's as much as you who makes the superb determination. she would be able to consistently try you and project the regulations. while you're consistant then she would be able to quit problematic. some afflicted young human beings are screaming out for romance. a teenager's maximum efficient gadget would be to divide and seperate. meaning you and your husband. you should verify you 2 agree on each and every little thing. in case you do no longer, do no longer permit her hear approximately it. Have a private talk. that's as much as you adult men to the two be the adults or permit her rule the roost. Make the determination until now she trys to seperate the adults. if you're concerned the protection of the toddler...then you definately set existence up in a vogue which you're consistently making advantageous the toddler is unquestionably dealt with. it could be superb to be her chum, yet do no longer compermise to maintain her satisfied, final analysis is which you're assisting her grown into adulthood, it is not a acceptance contest. solid luck. solid luck

Answer 9

Adolescents are not good at judging the degree of risk and danger. And that's why sometimes they do risky things.

Another reason why they get into trouble is because they are trying to find friends and fit in.

He probably ended up with the wrong crowd. And they are getting him to do all the bad things they are doing themselves.

Perhaps the only thing you can do is discourage him from hanging out with the bad guys. And help him find friends among those who do good.

Answer 10

Maybe he should see a psychologist or something. Lying and taking pills might be signalling depression. He's probably just confused, and maybe in with the wrong group at school. Life is tough and confusing, especially when you're a teen.

Just don't give up on him. He needs you.