Is he using me?

Question

I was going out with a guy(my first love) for about 6 years. During this time we had some difficulties but we always came through them. During one of these rough patches, I cheated on him with a guy from work. My bf found out, we split up but then got back together but he has always made me feel so guilty about it. Since then I have found out that he was never ever faithful to me for longer than any period of 4 months throughout the whole 6 years. He cheated on me with any1 and every1 from random girls he met in the pub, to my own workm8s and so called friends. He owned up to everything when a mutual friend told me. The problem is, I still love him. We still c each othr, sleep 2gethr & tell each othr we love each othr all the time but we r not exclusive and we both get jealous if the other one goes out with any1else. He is my best friend. I want him 2 love me and want me but i cant help but think he is just using me for sex. What should I do?

Answer 1

I think this is a disaster waiting to happen.If you love someone, i mean really love them with all your heart then you wouldn't be with other ppl.I've been with my wonderful gf 15 months now.I adore her completely & worship the ground the walks on.I don't look at other girls let alone think of them.I'm hers completely - that's the way love works i reckon.
I could never cheat on my gf - i don't want to anyway.I could never hurt her, it would crush me.I don't want anyone else & neither does she.It would destroy me if she wanted to see other guys - she doesn't btw.I've been utterly faithful the whole time.
Trust & loyalty & honesty are the basis of any relationship.These "open" bf/gf things are a world of trouble.The fact your bf was only faithful for 4 months isn't good i'm sorry to say.I reckon he's a serial cheat & like you say is only using you for sex.If that suits you, fine, good luck & all.But if you want true love & a proper loving relationship then you know its time to move on.

Answer 2

Both of you are afraid to be alone and have such a history together that you just can not let go. However, a good relationship is built on trust and honesty. You do not have that. So, therefore there is nothing there, but two people who are both using each other...you both use each other for sex and intimacy, but you are not exclusive. Aren't you afraid of getting a disease or worse yet...aids? I mean you say you love each other, but you treat each other this way?? Doesn't make sense. My advice..break up..premanently..don't see or talk to him until you find self confidence or self esteem to find out what you really want. A good relationship has to do with respect, honestly, trustworthiness, and love. If you don't respect yourself..then how will he even respect you?

Answer 3

Tough one! Most of the people that I work with say that their other half cheated on them, so they did it as well to even the score, but it really doesn't work like that does it? You say that he has always cheated on you so it doesn't sound like there's much hope for him, but then again maybe he's matured in the last 6 years. You've really got to talk to him and tell him what you want from him. Make sure that your being honest with each other. If he doesn't want the same as you though you've got to call it a day. I know its hard, I was in an abusive relationship. And it took all I had to leave him especially as he kept texting and phoning me. But in the end you have to do whats best for you! Chin up girl. I really hope you get it all sorted!

Answer 4

First thing.I can understand that he was your first love and that it will always be in memory.It takes a while to heal a heart.

You both should talk about your feelings before you sleep together unless it is just casual sex.

When a person is in real love they would not sleep around with anyone else.Trust is an important factor in a relationship.Both of you cheated.It does not matter who did it more and when.The truth is you both are immature and the relationship will never succeed because of your past.

You are chasing a dream............Go find it with somebody else and learn from your mistakes.

Answer 5

There has been too much back and forth. He cheated on me, I cheated on him. The both of you need to chill out. Stop all contact immediately, that is the only way that you can heal your heart and him heal his. Because if you continue on this path, the both of you will only hurt each other again. Take some time out, Dont get involved with anyone else for awhile. Work on you, find out what really makes you happy. And if one day down the road you and him cross paths again, maybe if you have grown up and he has grown up; maybe the flame can be rekindled.

Answer 6

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I'm under the impression that if you love someone, I'm talking really love them. That corny, b-movie comedy love, it will stop you from sleeping with another. Maybe I'm just different in my mindset on love, (well, everyone has their own opinion on the topic). But when I am with one women, all my desires for any other vanish, oh yeah, their are still girls I think to myself 'If I wasn't with her, definately.' But if given the chance, even if I knew my girl would not found out, would I pursue it? Hell no. First off my conscience wouldnt allow me to keep it from her, second, I love her, and thats enough, in my mind, to keep me from any thoughts of fidelity. I honestly think your best bet would be to split up, I believe, if what your telling me is true, that you are so used to being with this guy that being without him would be unfamiliar territory. Let him go is my opinion, the world is a big place, you'll find someone and wondered why you wasted the last few years.

Answer 7

Well without any delay you should call it a day with this sleep around guy. You have a very rocky future if you stay together in many ways - he is devoted to sex first, and last. You are just a number basically - he loves the achievement of you allowing him to do as he is - he is not in love with your emotion. For your own sake clean up your act move on and find a one to one relationship - you should respect yourself more. (A mature lady)>

Answer 8

if its like this then you both should go your seperate ways. all your doing to each other is hurting each other and that not right.

a couple of months ago my boyfriend cheated on me with two girls. and one of them sat in front of me in class and thats how i found out.

i've always hated the fact that he did that to but not once have i ever thought of cheating back at him. were still together and he doesnt treat me the greatest, but were working through it.

my advice to you is do what YOU need to be HAPPY.
but before that, you both need to sit down together and have a one on one talk. express your thoughts and feelings. this helps. and it also helps make the relationship much stronger.

i hope i helped you a bit!

best of luck

Answer 9

1) why would you date anyone continuously for 6 years without marriage?
2) If he can't make a lifetime committment to you publically, he's definitely using you privately.
3) Stop trying to outcheat each other
4) The words "I love you" don't make it so.
5)Don't confuse jealousy with love

SOLUTION: stop having sex with him and see how long he stays around.

Answer 10

If it's not an exclusive relationship then you can't really complain about only having sex with him? Talk to him and see if he wants to make a proper go of it, no third parties, both of you faithful. If he says no then there's your answer.
If yes then make sure he's faithful and if he isn't then cut him lose and move on.