What can I do to be a better step father and role model?

Question

To my single parent "daughter" whom father gives her biger gifts than I can. I can't teacher or advise her because I am not her "father" says my wife. (it been like this since she was age 7) When she visit from out a state, I am uncomfortable, I can ask about her life. When she calls, we talk about the "grand baby" or the rest of the family or about work. She is private about her life. She says she love me, but I feel I am not doing all that I can do to help her. Her ex-boyfriend runup all her credit cards and don't pay child support because he don't work He went to jail for drugs. If I try to talk to her, both mother and daughter gets upset with me. I don't know if her father talk with her or cares. I don't feel I should be the one to call him. I don't know what my wife says to her.
WHAT CAN I DO and WHAT SHOULD NOT DO? pls help.

Answer 1

Probably the best thing you can do is to accept the relationship the way it is and not try to change it. You say that it has been this way since she was 7, and you mention that she now visits from out of state; presumably she is an independent adult.

Sadly, it sounds like her life is a mess with a child out of wedlock, a lot of debt, and a shiftless, jailbird ex with a drug problem. Under no circumstances should you be the one to call her ex -- your intervention isn't wanted and even if it were, you have absolutely zero power to make him behave in the right way.

Although your concern and empathy are laudable, you can't fix this one. Be polite to your stepdaughter, but don't keep wishing for a deeper relationship. Set a wonderful example by the way you treat her mother, and demonstrate that to the kid every chance you get so the child sees that not all men are deadbeats like the loser your stepdaughter chose.

If you have the means, put $ away for her out-of-wedlock kid because she is going to need it.

Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 2

Think of yourself. I don't mean it in a bad way, but, think how this is really making you feel.The anxiety, the "vibes" that you may be sending off, and, that for some strange reason others close to you can pick up on. I know the feeling. I am a father with daughters of my own. They are closer to their mom , or relate to each other in a way I am only a witness to at times.( I am happy that they will always have that) My girls sometimes do get very upset about my asking about their problems. They will shut down. Don't be hurt. I always let them know that they have my unshakable love and support. Let her know that you will always be there for her and her baby. Whatever may come up. Be that rock of strength that women need in times of trouble. Once you get the emotional committment clear take practical measures to help. There are free "Credit Repair " agencies that can help (free of charge) Mention it to your wife first what and how you want to help. Next, depending on which state you live in, she should be eligible for some county child support. (it's for the benefit of the child and nothing to be ashamed of. So, what Iam saying is don't be reactive ,but, formulate a plan and get proactive. Dads, & step dads will always be challenged when relating to their daughters. Try not to take it personal. Try to be their for the child. Sometimes a way to woman's heart is to be good to the ones she loves. Find things to find your inner peace so that those around you will seek your company. Remember to always be ready with that sincere smile and always be a gentleman. I hope my answer helps a little. Sometimes having faith that we are all our doing the best we can is all we can expect out of life.

Answer 3

the gifts are nothing but material things....time is more important and talking to understand each other.....let her know that u care....talk with your wife and come to some solution as to what u both can do to help her.

Answer 4

Try to understand the kid don't judge them!