How do i deal with?

Question

My husband and I are African American, our youngest son is very fair and has bright red hair-he looks very Irish. I know that my husband has Irish heritage and I'm not so sure of mine. Biologically he got the hair color from the both of us.How do I deal with people's ignorant stares and questions regarding how or where my baby got his hair color? Should I keep Punnete squares in my pocket? did they miss H.S biology?
PS my husband and I have dark brown hair.

lickthis69 you're answer is hilarious!!!i'm not concernbed about being judged i just find that some people can be very rude when asking the question. keep those answers coming !!!thank you all

Answer 1

Other people's opinions don't matter. If and when they mention the difference, they will be simply showing their ignorance.

I have two teenage daughters who have different complexions because I am of Norwegian/Irish descent and my husband's family is Mexican/Italian.

One daughter has fair skin and wavy brunette hair, the other has olive skin and fine, very curly brunette hair.

All of their lives I have had to listen to ignorant comments made by people who thought I couldn't hear them. One woman even said to the person she was with, "That's what happens when a white woman has sex with an African American man." I was appalled, and I removed my children from the situation. Thankfully they were too young to understand anything she said. Another woman said directly to me, "I think it's great that you are a foster mother."

Ignore these people. Know that you are a good mother and that they are ignorant.

You might want to talk to the teachers, though, just to have their support while your child is in school.

You will also have many opportunities to talk with your child about the differences he sees, just to reassure him (only when he asks) that he is exactly the right color, and so are his parents.

To deal with peoples' ignorant stares, perfect a big smile. Get used to saying, "Isn't he great?"

You can email me if you like, but I know you will be able to handle this.

Have a great day!

Answer 2

First off, congrats on your beautiful baby.
How you deal with this questions will depend upon several things.
First being how old your son is and the ages of the other kids that the two of you have.
The second important factor is the intention of the people that are saying these things.

I will start with the first part, if your child is a baby and your other kids are not around, you could get smart with the person that made the ignorant comment (assuming you dont have a friendly relationship with them) for example if a white person says this to you, you could say 'well somewhere along the family tree one of your forefathers raped one of my foremothers'.
THis will certainly leave the crowd in silence....(hey ignorant questions deserve equally ignorant replies).
However this obviously wont work if your child or other children are present since they will look to you for guidance as to how THEY will answer this question as they grow older.
ALso if the ignorant person that asks you this stupid question is someone that you will have to see again a more subtle reply is in order...
you should say that the BEAUTIFUL red hair is simply one of a bunch of the blessings that we got from GOD when he was born. Be sure to include that you think his hair is beautiful. It is important to tell him this often as you want his self esteem to be foritified against those that dont think that it is soo hot.
Another approach (since this is a not so subtle attack on YOUR fidelity) you can say that YOUR HUSBAND's great grandfather had beautiful red hair exactly like this. Be sure to add that 'we love it' as we are so blessed to be reminded if that great man every day.
Sorry you have to go thru this.
People can be so incredibly stupid at times.

Answer 3

If you try to ignore the questions or indicate with your reaction that the asker is rude...they will invariably assume you are hiding something (that's just the way nosy people are) so if I were in your place, I'd say as cheerfully and disarmingly as possible " From his dear little Irish grandmother,where else?" If you can muster an exaggerated Irish brogue for the delivery, you can have the pleasure of watching their jaw drop, then just walk away laughing. Its none of their business but it is fun to put some people in their place with a polite but clever response!

Answer 4

lol..I had just the opposite "problem" one of my daughters can get out in the sun for 5 minutes and she looks like she is black (won't say African American because my parents(white) are from Africa and I am very white), any ways, we got asked all the time if she was adopted..when she got older even she questioned her father!!
We got pictures of grandparents, and asked questions about great-great grandparents...genitics...just a roll of the dice!
Just ask then nicely to discuss this matter at a later time so as not to offend your son..and YES by all means carry some business card punnet squares! Handing them out make make people see their ignorance!

Answer 5

It's very interesting to me that our society has come so far. And yet, as you note, some people can't process that two African-Americans can be parents of a fair-skinned redhead. I guess my best advice is to use it as a teaching tool for your son and for others. When something doesn't "fit the mold", we at first raise eyebrows to question it. Sometimes a simple explanation is all that's necessary. Don't get frustrated: rejoice in the fact that you have a beautiful child and take every opportunity to inform everyone who asks about what makes your son unique. It's not a curse or even a problem: it's God's creation in all its splendor and wonder.

Answer 6

My brother is biracial, and he was adopted. for the longest time people couldn't even tell. people ask questions a lot, and we usually explain it to them, but it gets my brother upset because he wishes that he was my mom's biological son, so we try and keep it simple, it's none of their business and who really cares? People also wonder about my sister though, because she is darker than me and my other sister, because my mom is mexican, and she was the only one to get the darker genetics. someone once asked us if she was adopted!

If you're feeling snappy, you could just say "it's called genetics". If you wish to be a little kinder about it, something along the lines of " My husband just loves that he got that beautiful red hair from his ancestors".

sorry you have to put up with that.

Answer 7

People staring is just human nature. You can't help it and neither can they. How you react is another story. It's just out of curiosity that they'll ask questions so just answer it as straight forward as possible. Once you inform them, then the stares will eventually die down. Or, if you want, say were raped by some drunk irish guy and nine months later, the wee ol' little leprechaun popped out and said, "Stop staring at me mom's lucky charms!"

Answer 8

No, i would just give them a look as if they were stupid. I cannot believe in 2007 that people still do not understand that african americans come in all shades and colors.

Answer 9

Explain your husband has Irish heritage. Its that simple and if they can't understand take them to the funny farm.

Answer 10

People ask the same question to us white folks when we have red haired children. I think red hair makes people look and wonder.