What does everyone else have that I dont?

Question

I'm turning 13 soon, like in a week, and I feel totally awful. Almost every girl in my grade (7th) has either been asked out, had a boyfriend, been on a date, hung out with a group of girls AND boys, or been kissed. Me? NONE of the above. I have NO guy friends. I feel like a social outcast. I am always hearing about girls having their first kiss at like, 11 or 12, or being on a 'date' for the first time and like age 10 or 11. There HAS to be something off about me. Something... nerdy. I know we're not supposed to care what people think about us, but I do. I can't help it. I really want guys to like me. Guys don't even talk to me! I try talking to them, but it never works. How can I make my social life more interesting? Right now, it's a total snooze-fest. I can't stand it.

Answer 1

Find other people that are alone.

Answer 2

Well, I'm the same age but I turn 13 in Sept. and I am in 7th grade and almost every does have a BF in my school as well. Ask yourself this way, What do you have that all the other girls don't have? Personally, even if the girls do have a relationship with a guy, they either dump them after like 3 weeks or even a day or 2. Don't turn yourself down just because you haven't gotten kissed, because that is a total turn-off on guys. Depression isn't the Key. This is how it works, if you hear something in a guys conversation, and you've done whatever that is, engage in conversation with him. It WON'T be the easiest idea in the world, but think of it this way, There will always be 2 hills you can sit on. One where you can "TRY" and the other where you "DUMP". That is my quote I made myself. What I mean is, One hill is where you have choices, the other is where you can just screw it up and be depressed all your life. Do you really want this? I mean really ask yourself this, because I have. I would rather try, the hill where you can actually have a choice, which is the "TRY". I may be shy but there's always 2 directions to face.. remember that.. :)

Answer 3

Hun, don't feel bad. I am in the exact same position, only I am turning 14 soon. I have none of the above either. The only guy friend I have is one who only hangs out with girls and the only reason he is my guy friend is because he is friends with my best friend...but he is just one of the girls so he doesn't count.

I sometimes wonder the same thing--"What is wrong with me, why don't any guys like me?" but then I remind myself that the right guy will come along. Besides, most of the time it is best to wait to get a boyfriend until you are older. You know more about guys and you are smarter with your actions.
I know we're not supposed to care about what other people say as well, but just as you do...so do I.

Some guys talk to me, but we're not really friends, and last year when I was your age NO guys did...so really, you're right there with me.
I don't know what you can do to make your social life more interesting, mine is a snooze-fest when it comes to guys too.

Answer 4

Firstly, there is not point in being down on yourself because of the way other people behave.

Secondly, there are all kinds of guys, and therefore there is a guy that will find you interesting and attractive, even if you are nerdy. Women computer science professional have BFs just like any other group of women.

If you really think there is something that you are doing or something about you that is keeping boys away from you then you are going to have to ask people that know you and have seen you around boys. Close friends, trusted teachers, the school counselor and so on. You are probably going to have to do a lot of asking to get an answer and I wouldn't be surprised if some of what people told you was unhelpful.

You may find out that it's totally stupid like your taller or smarter then the guys and that intimidates them.

Whatever you do find out, don't just automatically change yourself so you get dates and kisses. If it's something that doesn't matter like wearing different kinds of clothes then go ahead and try it. (I'm not talking about wearing a bikini top to school, but if you wear army boots, maybe change them for sneakers.) Don't do things like acting dumb or slouching so your less intimidating.

In other words if you decide to do something, don't compromise yourself as a person.

Answer 5

I used to feel the same way. I was so jealous of all the other girls that had boyfriends, I thought how could anybody possibly like me? but eventually I realized that thinking like that wasn't going to get me any where. So I tried to put good thoughts into my head. I told myself that I was a really awesome person and the right boy just hadn't come along yet. I decided that I would stop looking for love and wait for it find me. When you are ready to have a relationship you will have one. Now days it seems like being single means that you're smart, sexy, and just waiting for the right person to come along. Just be patient you've got plenty of time to meet someone.
Perhaps you should try talking to guys more, have some guy friends, maybe that will help a little. That's what I thought...I don't know if it really helps or not, but all my friends are guys, and they're are really good friends too.
Just be yourself, nobody wants to talk to someone who pretends to be someone they're not. It will all work out in the end.

Answer 6

I know it you may feel awful, but give it time. Just because all of your friends have kissed someone or had a date at 11 or 12 does not mean you have to. The right one will come along when you least expect it! I know this is not the answer you are probably looking for, but ~~~ always be nice, dress nice, look your best - that right person will find you and become yours for what and who you are, it might be next week, or a year or two from now. Just pay attention to others and learn from their mistakes! Good luck!

Answer 7

Maybe you should change or question from "What does everyone else have that I don't?" to "What do I have, that no one else does?" You should not feel that you need to be doing what everyone else is doing - simply to fit in. Be different and proud of it.

Personally, when I was thirteen - I didn't even want a boyfriend. It just seemed totally pointless to me. I only had my first kiss at 16 and I'm 23 now and still haven't gone on a proper date. (I think dates are stupid - but that's another story)

Bottom line is: Learn to love yourself and what you stand for. Decide who you want to be and be confident about it. Because believe it or not...having confidence and being strong person is what will attract the guys.

Just be happy and live life as it comes. Don't rush into anything...things will happen, when they are meant to.

Answer 8

HANG IN THERE - it's something weird about middle school. Everyone's just hit puberty, just decided they have to worry about being cool, and everyone's changing at different rates and comparing frantically all the while...

From what I remember and what my friends say, middle school is strange hell that comes once and then will never come again. There is nothing wrong with you - and nothing wrong with not kissing boys yet, good grief! I'm sure not EVERYone has, and anyway - plenty of time for kissing the boys later, when things are less crazy :)

Honestly, the way you're feeling - it's like the epitome of middle school. So, believe - it will get better, I promise! :)

Do you have any older siblings - or maybe your parents, even - who you could talk to about this? I bet they could help explain it a bit.

Anyway, good luck! And chin up, you're going to make it!

Answer 9

I think that a lot of times, girls will say that they have been kissed, and it is a lie. Don't worry about that anyways. You are only a baby. You will have years of boyfriends, and will go out on plenty of dates. Don't rush things. Just remember, those girls, maybe 50% are telling a lie about boyfriends. You could join an after school club, swimming, or some other club offered at school. That is another way to get a social life.

Answer 10

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Thirteen??
The times are drastically changing, because I can't believe all that is happening before 13!!
I'm sorry, I know this probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but in my opinion, you and your little friends need to slow down before you get yourselves in to situations you're unable to handle.
Just be youself.

But Wow. I am 20. My first kiss was 5 years ago, yes, count it, 15! And even then, none of us had been racing towards intimacy.

Please sweetheart, don't worry, or follow what the crowd is doing. There is no rush. You're guy will find you when the times right; you're still very very young.

Answer 11

I'm 15 and I've never been on a date or had bf. Wait a while, it'll happen. Your'e much too young for dating right now. Guys mature later than girls and aren't capable of having a meaningful relationship at 13. You'd be wasting your time dating right now.

P.S. I've never heard of a 10 year old going on a date or kissing.