I have a wonderful ten yr old girl who's heart is VERY big! However, she does really stupid things sometimes without thinking and I know for a fact she doesn't do these things in a "deliberate defiance" of me or anyone else as my mother would say. Her solution to any problem is spanking or hitting (not my cup of tea) I do not want my daughter to fear me but I also am not interested in being her best friend. I'm her mother and I know that comes first. What can I do to help her? All her teachers adore her. She defends her friends when they get picked on and gets all A's and B's in school and is a VERY happy kid! She loves life but she is so stubborn sometimes.
2007-03-02 10:55:09 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your daughter sounds wonderful - sounds like you are doing things right. My mother's solutions for dealing w/ me were the same your mother's & the same as her mother's. It tends to be "hereditary". & it can be hard to not react in the way that you were taught as a child. Good for you for realizing this. My daughter amazes me sometime in the ways that she can be so smart one minute & then do something really stupid in the next. I think talking to her about what she's done & letting her know that you are disappointed in her actions (but not in her) helps. Help her come up with ideas of other ways that she could have handled the situation. Enjoy this age, too, because once she grows out of one stage, another is just around the corner. Don't you wish they came w/ instructions?
2007-03-02 12:19:11 · answer #1 · answered by holly p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(*laughter*) She's 10. This is pretty normal. You're lucky she isn't a b****y 10 year girl, because many of them go that way.
You have to realize the hormones are probably starting to hit a little, and she's probably not really sure what's going on. So, she's going to be stubborn (she thinks she's practically an ADULT, after all), and probably a little flakey with the emotions. And it's only going to get worse before it gets better.
You need to sit her down and explain to her about how her body is going to start changing, and that she may have feelings that don't make much sense. One minute she may feel sad for no reason, or angry. It's normal, and she needs to know you'll listen to her. You also need to tell her she may put on some weight, as that also happens as puberty kicks in. If she doesn't exercise a little or play sports, you may want to help her find a physical outlet. It helps puberty as much as it does perimenopause.
However, she has to also learn that HER emotions aren't the only ones. Other people have feelings, and if she isn't happy then she needs to go to her room until she gets feels settled enough to talk about it.
I remember this age well. The best punishment isn't spanking or hitting...the best thing is to remove a privilege and make her earn it back. Make the punishment of a specific duration, and the way to earn it back very specific. Also, realize her hormones are going to be driving her into some emotionally rough moments.
Lots of luck. My daughter would just pop off and say things totally out of her (previous) character. I would just look at her and say very gently, "So, have you developed a case of stupidity or is there a real problem here?" Most of the time, she would just suddenly realize what she said, and burst into tears. My reaction was a hug and "Those pesky hormones are going to be the death of one of us".
You can make it through this, but you have to be very specific about what is and isn't acceptable, and realize the emotions aren't something always in her control right now.
You so have my sympathy.
2007-03-02 19:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a very lucky mom. Don't change her.
She is going to have her days like all children do. She sounds like a wonderful Little girl. Like you said she doesn't really mean the things she says or does,at this age and some time older, they tend not to think before they act. I guess you could say it's because her brain is still growing.
Yes i agree with you, no spanking or hitting that would just make things more difficult for you and she may loose respect and you don't want that. Being her mother comes first than being her friend. Remember mother is god to children.
Good luck with your little girl.
2007-03-02 19:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by janet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try setting up an appointment for your daughter with the school counselor. That's a start. Good luck.
2007-03-02 19:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by liverandonions2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! You sound like such a great mommy. Just keep doing what your doing I say and keep on talking to her. good luck
2007-03-02 21:27:13 · answer #5 · answered by CowGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋