I have a real problem and i dont know what to do anymore.?

Question

ok first off please dont judge me in a horrible way, I may not be the most perfect woman in the world but i have been trying my hardest from the start. I feel really low right now so i would appreciate it if I didn't recieve any hurtful replies. Anyways, i am 22 and i am married. i have 2 children and i am curently pregnant with our third. My husband and i moved to the south in 2004, we were born in RI. My 2 youngest children have been taken from us by the state due to financial problems. We were having a very hard time paying our bils and rent and sometimes we(not my children) would go without food for a few days. The state took our children to help get us on our feet. We both got fulltime jobs and have been able to live better then we were in the past. Our house always has food and our utilities haven't been turned off in months. We are also able to pay our rent without problems. i will finish in details.......

We have shown them that we can do it with them back in our household and have actually been granted physical custody of them, but still the girls have not returned home in about a month. We were able to have visits with them in the past and now we hardly ever get to see them. Our case worker keeps setting up visits for us to see them but they are supposed to be home with us by now, and when the day comes for our visit something has come up and our worker can't seem to get in touch with their foster parents. It is seriously tearing me apart inside. They have been gone now for a year and I got for weeks at a time now without seeing them, i was able to see them a nuber of times a week before our court date. I am getting to the point where i feel like just giving up on life. I am currently 22 weeks pregant and my horemones are going crazy as it is, i am stressing myself out way too much. I cry myself to sleep everynight. I don't deserve to be going through this after all the changes......

and work we have done. I feel like dying sometimes. i feel like a whole giant part of me is just missing. It is ruining my relationship with my husband too. We hardly ever take, we are always depressed and when we do talk we always fight. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Answer 1

I had a friend go through this actually. I don't know how hard up for money you are right now, but I would look into getting a lawyer to get things straightened out. Tell you social worker about it. Coz its not right. By now you should at least have weekly visits. I would get the foster parents checked out! They could be abusing your kids and don't want the state to see the shape they're in. Theres a number of things. When something happens EVERY single time, theres got to be a reason. Your children NEED the visitations so they don't completely lose their bond with you guys.

Answer 2

Hold on...Don't give up. The best thing for you to do right now is to focus your attention on getting your children back and to continue providing a safe, nurturing and stable home.

If you do not have a lawyer, I suggest that you get one. There's a legal service threw the internet legalservices.com., and the fee is not that high. If you cannot afford an attorney try seeking out legal aid in your community.

You and your husband are taking the right steps in providing a roof over the childrens head. Continue doing so...Did you have to go to parenting classes? If not, look into going...The more effort on your part, the better...

Did you find out who told the state about your situation? If so, stay away from that person...If not, you should be very careful of who you allow around your children. Although this happend for the best, someone can again file a false claim against you. Be careful...

Do you have the number where the girls are or an address? If so, write a letter. Send pictures. Try to stay in constant contact with the foster parents as possible and let the girls know that they are on your mind and heart.

Don't stress. I know that is easy to say but hard to do. You are carrying a baby that needs you right now. Pull from strength...Stop arguing with your husband and try to talk civily with him. The two of you need each other and by fighting will only cause more problems. While the girls are away, the two of you should learn how to effectively communicate with each other so by the time the girls come back home, they are welcomed into a home that's designed with them in mind.

Answer 3

Hi, listen don't give up I have been there and am still there I have a child that has been in care because I had to get surgery like in 2001 and he is autisic so they used that for an excuse he is still not home but I do have weekends with him at home. I have been battling these people forever and I was in the system when I was a kid so that makes things even more difficult. You have to fight these people don't give up! I never gave up and if I did my son would not be coming home for the weekends when he does. The things that I did was first of all I got the press involved, as well as the local news station. Call the Ombudsman and let them know whats going on they will investagate, you have to do this before it's to late, I'm not sure where you are but here in Ontario if the Children's Aid have your children for 2 years then they can make your child a ward until the age of 18 and there anit a dam thing you can do about it so don't give up fight these people. Post letters in your community, start a petition. I got help from Dalton Mc Guinty. Please don't give up you will win but you have to put up with these people, they think they can just do whatever they want and they can't so get on it.

You and your man will be okay, it's the stress of all this, I know what it's like and it's hard as hell, just don't give up on eachother, you two are very strong and you will win but just try not to take this out on each other you need to support each other and win this together, like I said I know that it is tuff with these people but not enough people stand up to them. I did they tried to keep my other son to, like hell I battled to no dam end and I always will.

Well I hope that something I have shared has helped in some kind of way, trust me it feels like sometimes you want to just give up but that's just what they want you to do, those are your kids and you will get them back, they have no dam right to do this to you so never give up hope, things will be fine in due time.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 4

I am sorry to hear that. I feel for you. Don't give up. Keep records of all the hoops you have jumped and will jump through for them. Do you think the foster parents could be too attached to the kids? I wish I had some real advice for you but I can just give you moral support. Make sure you have life in order. Find out if there's any reason they are holding back. Write a letter to the judge maybe. But keep records and keep calling your kids on the phone. Whatever you do, don't give up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Keep calling and calling. Don't harrass anyone, but keep calling. Good luck. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

I would suggest that you both keep working hard to prove yourselfs good parents and keep after the state to give your children back to you. You are very young and having three children at your age will be a trying time for you, but you can do it. When the going gets rough, the rough get going, so they say. Do your best and keep the arguments down and you will get the children back and begin a new life together.

Answer 6

Preparing long range goals and progress toward them will improve your chance of regaining your children. Time to look hard at how You will be able to provide for them during the time You have the new baby. Starting savings for the future will be a big step for the future. Think about how you will move forward and also look at gaining more training so You have more to offer an employer. Your mate should also improve His value.

Answer 7

all i know that crying Ur self to sleep and fighting with Ur husband wont make the situation better.... Oslo it wont bring back Ur kids.... u have to stick to Ur husband and support each other until u can get out of this mess...... just go to the cops and explain to them that u need to see Ur children ..... besides Ur mood is not that good for the coming baby so try to get out of it by all means... i know it's hard but if u weren't a good mom for Ur first 2 kids try to be a good one for the third at least when u r still pregnant that's the least u can give him at the moment so it is important for u to get out of that mood... good luck

Answer 8

it's okay. you will get through this. you have to wiat untill the guy gets them back and ask them why they were being like that to you. if it was something that you did then take them to a movie or something but don't let them walk al over you or if some thing happened to them do something aout it. all the luck in the world to you.

Answer 9

well it sounds to me like you are on the right track to getting your kids back. now, after you have this child, i would suggest you get your tubes tied. everytime you get pregnant, remember that your taking from the one's you already have. go to school and get some type of degree, or certificate to better yourself, and your kids. good luck, and remember to wear protection from now on! you can't afford any more children. now get out there and do something for you and your childrens lives'.