Women want revenge on your man?

Question

My husband cheated on me before we got married, but now he is like the perfect husband. The girl he cheated with supposidly had his baby, but they don't even speak and he has never met the child and tells me he doesn't want to because he loves me. I think they are both wrong for that. They should at least get a paternity test. Sometimes, I just want to have an affair because I am still ver hurt. What should I do?

Answer 1

You should grow up, you are an adult, children seek revenge not married "loving" adults. IF he did this before you got married, and you were still hurt or upset by it, why did you marry him. That was your fault. Why would you want to inflict the same pain on him that happened to you. If you love him, you wouldn't want him to experience any pain, and especially not at your expense. Saying you just want to have an affair sounds to me like you want to cheat on him, but make him look bad in the process and not hold your self accountable for your actions. I say you need to get a divorce and grow up a bit before you get married.

Answer 2

first of all this whole cheating thing happened BEFOR u got married. If u knew he cheated and u still said "I DO" then u CHOSE to marry a man u KNEW cheated on u wether he does it again or not. Yes i agree there should be a paternity test to see if that child is his or not and if it IS then he should be in that babys life wether u like it or not. If he is not in that babys life knowing he is the fsther then ur man is a low beat dad and a disgrace to fathers in the world. All because YOU have issues with his past and the children he may or may not have created shouldnt mean he should stop takeing care of his responsibilities. Like I said in the beginning.... YOU CHOSE to marry this man knowing he cheated and now he could have a kid by that. It is hard i know but u still CHOSE to marry him knowing what happened. Just think, if there is a DNA test and he IS the father.... the mommy is gonna take his money regaurdless. He might as well be a good father too. sorry!

Answer 3

To me, marrying a man who cheated on you made a statement: that he was worth working it out to you. Someone very close to me (who makes a lot of sense) told me before I got married, "If you know it when you marry him and marry him anyway, don't complain about it later." I don't think that breaking your marriage vows (something that he apparently hasn't done) is appropriate revenge. I think that when you married him you forfeited your claim to any action against him--the only thing to do at this point is find some way to forgive and trust. (I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but that doesn't make it less right). I know being cheated on doesn't leave a person and that it can make you crazy with doubt and mistrust every time he takes too long at the grocery store, takes a phone call and leaves the room, you name it. As for the child, keep in mind that the child didn't do anything wrong. His love for you shouldn't conflict with his responsibility to his child (if it's his), and it's important that he find out so that he can either let it go or step up to the plate. I am sorry you are hurt, but I pray that you find a way to to let go of the past for the sake of the future: it can be stronger because you've come through it or hell because you're still in it. Your choice.

Answer 4

Grow Up! Why did you marry him, if you were hurt because he cheated before you got married. Did you get married with the intention of holding on to this hurt that you have for use at a later date? It sounds almost like you said,I can be okay with the cheating because I will have an excuse to cheat someday.... That is not right, let it go. If you were truly hurt over his affair, and you can not forgive him; you should not be married to him now. As far as the child that may possibly be your husbands.... the two adults that created that child need to also grow up... just because he says he loves you, does not mean that he has no responsibility to a child that may be his.... that makes no sense. The child is the only one who will suffer in the long run; I would try to convince your husband to step up to the paternal "plate" and get the paternity test to verify his fatherhood.....

Answer 5

do not lower yourself to that standard, you will hate yourself later. Tech. since it was before you got married, he didn't actually cheat on you, so you really wouldn't be getting the upper hand anyway.
As for the paternity test, I do agree with you. If that is his baby, he needs to own up to it and take responsibility. Why would you want a man who turns his back on his own child??? Just because he loves you doesn't mean he can't/shouldn't love his child. Just keep in mind if the test shows the baby is his, she will be a part of your lives.

Answer 6

You said that he cheated on you before you got marriage, they word before. this happen before you marriage him right! get a paternity to see if he is the father, if so he need to be a part of the child life no matter who the mother! so what he a good husband he a lousy dad from the sound of this..Why are you so hurt, I don't get it. you said you are marriage to a perfect husband a perfect husband. what ever you do go to counseling don't have a affair, it make matters worse.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but a perfect husband would not abandon his child. His "mistake" is growing up without a father, and someday he will have to own that. What does loving you have to do with deserting a child? He sounds very selfish. I would be sickened if my husband didn't put his child first.

And now you want to cheat? Geez! Why don't you all get into therapy, and put the child first. What a shock!

Answer 8

TALK to your husband. Tell him you think he really should ask for a paternity test. If the child really is his, the manly thing for him to do would be to step up. If the child is his, he needs to be involved in the child's life! Kids need role models of both parents.

An affair is not the solution. You would only end up causing more trouble. You would only set the stage for more affairs for both of you.

I really think you should be in marriage counseling.

Answer 9

The same thing happend with me and my hubby. He got really drunk and high at a big party once, and slept with another girl. We had been dating a year at the time. It was the most painful thing ever, and to top it off, he broke up with me because he couldnt bear to face me and didnt think I would forgive him. The way I see it, cheating is just one of the many ways that we hurt the ones we love. If it was a one-time mistake and he feels bad about it, then you have to let it go. The flesh is weak, and 60% of men and 40% of women cheat at least once in their life. I would much rather have my man have meaningless sex than have him fall in love with another woman. If he is truly a wonderful husband in every other way, you should be thankful. Its alot better than having a man who is manipulative, verbally or physically abusive, lazy, a bad father, a liar, an alcoholic or drug addict, etc. Personally, I would rather live with a man who cheated on me once and regrets it deeply, than live with a man who hurts me every day. I dont understand why some people find cheating to be soooo offensive, as if it is the worst thing you can do. I think there are a LOT of worse ways to hurt your spouse. I also think that when you marry someone, it doesnt make you immune to hurting eachother. You should try not to, obviously, but you shouldnt put your partner up on a pedestal either. They will only fall off. I still am reminded of what happened sometimes, and it hurts, but then I look at my friends who have problems and fights every day, and I consider myself lucky that our only relationship problem was a stupid thing 3 years ago. Hes now the best dad and husband I could ever ask for!!!

Just because he cheated on you, doesnt make it right for you to do that to him. Sounds like you are digging for an excuse to have some fun of your own, and if that is really the case, you need to seek counseling because now YOU are the one trying to sabotage this relationship. I know that its really hard sometimes, but the only person being hurt by your resentment is YOU. You need to forgive him. Not for his own good, but for YOUR own good. So you can move on, grow up, become stronger, and allow good things back into your life. If you dwell on negatives, you are blocking blessings from coming into your life. Forgive him. It doesnt mean you will forget, but you need to admit that you married a human, and that we ALL fall short in our own ways, including you. Being sexually weak is just one of a million of those ways. You need to be taking a hard look at YOURSELF, rather than dwelling on this issue. Insist on a paternity test, so that you can either rule it out as his child and never have to deal with it again, or so you can know that it IS his child, and insist he works something out with the mom. Maybe she doesnt want him in her childs life... in which case, it may be best for all of you. Either way, you have to deal with it appropriately and let it go, or you will never experience true happiness in this realtionship or any other.

Answer 10

Well apparently it aint his child if the woman never fest up and asked for child support!!..If it is his kid yeah he is wrong for not wanting to see his child!!..Well he cheated before ya'll got married...and i know you are hurt but why lower yourself like he did and you know he loves you!!! Just don't make it worst!!