I have been dating the same girl now for 4 years. We are very serious and have even started talking about getting engaged in 2-3 years and getting a house or condo together etc... I just started a job that I hope turns into a successful career and so does she. Recently I stumbled across a few emails that she sent to an old friend from college that I don't know. Clearly haven't been in contact for a while and isn't one of her "good" friends that I know of and they never dated. I am going on a family trip to Vegas on March 22nd and will be gone for the weekend. Long story short, she set up a dinner date with this guy in NYC for that saturday night and hasn't told me about it. I asked her subtly if she had any plans for that weekend yet and she said no. She has never done this before and I'm not sure what it means if anything? I plan on confronting her about this before I leave if she doesn't come clean before then. Any advice or ideas as to why she might be doing this?? Thank
2007-03-02 09:18:56 · 15 answers · asked by Jeff L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hate to tell u this, bro.....but it is what it is. The fact that she LIED about not having plans pretty much sums it up!!!
2007-03-02 09:23:52 · answer #1 · answered by Papi G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jeff,
This has to be hard for you. And I think you did the right thing by trying to bring this up subtly. And yes, you should confront her. If you care about her, you should do so in a non-accusatory way.
But I am curious....how did you "stumble" across these mails? I mean, are you being on the up and up here? Did you snoop, because you got a feeling something wasn't quite right?
If you went about this in an unscrupulous manner, than you got what you were looking for. But, if you just happened to find these emails, than yes, confront her, and let her know your concerns.
But what next? What are you willing to do? Cancel your trip? Get down to the meat and potatoes as to why she felt the need to hide that from you, why it seems that she coordinated that while you were out of town.
Be prepared for a very serious conversation.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-02 09:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is. She has an old friend, that likes her, but she does not really want to date him, because she is with you. If that is the case - You have nothing to worry about. But she would not mind hanging out with this friend, since you will be gone anyway. So she made plans.
She probably thinks you would get really jealous if she told you, and you would insist, that she not go. Is this true?
But she does not want to sit home all weekend while you are out in Vegas. God knows what you will be doing in Vegas. That's what she is thinking.
Why did you not invite her to go with you on this trip, oh yes business trip, right?y/n.
Anyway, I am willing to guess this is harmless.
Trust her and give her a little space.
When you confront her, don't be defensive, or else you will both end up having a mizerable weekend.
Remember, you invaded her privacy, and that may make her mad. But all in all, she will be defensive, but if you want the truth and for her to stay with you, you will BE NICE, and understanding to her. Okay.
Good Luck.
2007-03-02 09:36:26 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you stumble or did you snoop? Stumbling is when you share a computer and snooping is when you look into someones personal private computer.
Excuse me if I am wrong because I am going to assume it was a snoop. Is this guys e-mail address a free account...hotmail. yahoo or the like? Anyone can be whomever they want to be by opening a new account and send mail from you to your alias you. If you confront your g/f it will be proof positive you are checking up on her.
Has she been pushing to move on setting a date for the wedding. Maybe this was set up to get you to realize that there is no time like the present to start your life together because some other man may whisk her away.
Maybe she doesn't understand why she is not going with you and set this up to get even.
Maybe she didn't set it up and maybe this man is real and maybe you will realize life is short and that life plan you have in mind is in need of being flushed.
If you snooped you need to come clean because the two of you are not communicating your life to each other. If you stumbled into it you need to come clean and talk about it. What are you waiting for...you know you have been lied to. How many times do you need to hear the same lie to know there is trouble in your relationship?
You two need to talk...NOW...get started!
2007-03-02 09:49:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm tough one. How much do you trust her? She's never done anything like this before you say. Ok, so give her the benefit of the doubt. Do you confront her with it? But then she'd know you were looking at her private e-mails. Tell her that you're very sorry, but you "stumbled" across an e-mail to someone you hadn't heard her mention before, and worried that she hasn't told you about the dinner date.
I know it will be worrying for you, but you have to trust her, after all, she's trusting you enough for you to go to vegas for the weekend, (and my wife would never let me go away for a ouple of days on my own)
I think that she is just worried about you going mad at her if she told you. She probably just want's to catch up on old times, with an old friend.
Good luck, I'm sure all will be fine.
2007-03-02 09:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by theberksbouncer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dude you just got bit in the a_s_s by the Love is Blind Bug. Got an uncle who fell for the same carton of crap you're swallowing and it was painful to see him go thru it but let me tell you it sure did open his eyes to see for himself that if they lie to you to be with someone else they are not worth your time cause you can't make a housewife out of a ho.
Liars are like cheaters, pedophiles, rapists, abusers and other sinners they never change but they do get slicker. So you can openly share your hoochie and let her know that you are aware but still care for her or you can wise up to find a good woman who will give you and you alone all of her love and affections. Here's a good way to handle it just repeat after me N E X T !!!
2007-03-02 09:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by rashawn4u2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definatly confront her because she needs to know that you know. You also might want to think about how you are going to tell her. You want to make sure you are in control of the situation. Please firm but yet understanding about it. She will probably say that she did not tell you because it was not a big deal and you might think to much of it. What ever you do I wish you luck and hope everything turns out right. It sounds like she only thinks of him as a friend but you never know.
2007-03-02 09:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by xrocksuperstar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go on your vacation and enjoy it. Don't let her know that you know what you do, or she'll know you've been snooping. Keep the upper hand. It probably is nothing, but if it's not you'll find out after your vacation. Maybe she just wants to see an old friend and was afraid of what you would think.
2007-03-02 09:24:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
given which you like the 2d female the suitable, it fairly is the single you could desire to ask on a date. otherwise, you're in simple terms splendid the 1st female on, which isn't very superb, given which you admitted you could sell off her in case you thought you had a raffle with 2d female. If 2d female rejects you, then you definately'll understand you tried, and might ask the 1st female understanding the place you stand.
2016-10-02 07:00:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't jump to conclusions! That the one thing women cant stand, especaily when you've been together for so long. Trust is very important but so is honesty. You should confont her but not accuseingly. Talk to her about it, it might not be that big of a deal.
2007-03-02 09:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im friends with all of my ex'es and I also have alot of guy friends... I dont tell my husband about every single mundane detail of my life. I go out with my guy friends to movies and dinner often. Its just fun... My guy friends act like my girlfriends sometimes. Plus, I can hook them up with my friends. this could be completely innocent. So dont come off all jealous and controlling... It probably is just a friend. I wouldnt stress over it. Good luck
2007-03-02 09:24:18 · answer #11 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋