should i ask about my mother?

Question

i have not seen my family for approx 30 years. i recently found my brother. we did not have a good childhood, he has a relationship with his mother. i want to ask about her, but i dont know what to ask or what to say. i dont want to risk my brother terminating our new found relationship. he is very very untrusting. i have my husband and kids and he has only recently found a girlfreind. i think he is lonely. i am trying to build up a relationship with him, it is great but i am screwed up inside cos i secretly hoipe that my mother will still have some feelings for me but dont want to encroach on my brother

Answer 1

it must be really hard for you.you are just getting to know your brother and get him to trust you,i can see why you're a bit wary of asking about your mum.surely your mum knows he's in touch with you?your relationship with your brother is the main thing right now.he sounds(as do you) very fragile.concentrate on him for just now, get him involved with your family, wait until he's ready to talk about your mum. you've waited 30 years another few months wont matter. it could be he's unsure about saying anything that may hurt you, but until you both get to know each other better you cant know how he's feeling. give him as much of your time as you can(dont neglect your family though). involve his girlfriend too, if you keep things light-hearted he may feel more able to trust you with stuff.talk to your husband about how you feel, he knows you better than anyone. good luck xx

Answer 2

hi this is a good question but as your in contact with brother now which is great surley your mum knows about this and if she was intrested in getting in touch she would have by now but mums are very stubbon i should know i wouldnt make the first move just enjoy time with your brother and all that really matters is your own kids good luck

Answer 3

poor child, many of us have been through the family thing. to begin with, why does he not bring his mother up, find out if she is still living, and why she has not contacted you. lonely or not he is an adult, do not allow him to use you or your family. like you, many people are upset, you are not screwed up dear, just upset, cos peole can be very cruel, especially when they are jealous of one. if brother has a relationship with his mother ,he will already know mthe answer to your question, but at the end of the day, if you lay really ill, i mean really ill, whose name would be on your lips, i guessed right, your children, your man,the rest is a bonus dear .lol.

Answer 4

Just be friendly and happy with your brother until he feels comfortable with you and then in time everything will fall into place just go slow so as not to loose your brother, be happy you have got him now. I think it will happen good luck with your long lost brother and enjoy your time together.

Answer 5

30 years is too long.
It's almost a half of one's life time, isn't it?
I would not touch upon my old relations if the reason was rather complicated one as you mentioned here.

I understand how you feel about your mother. She may be feeling the same way to you, but your brother can be potential nuisance.

I would say that you stick to your current life and don't try to contact your brother or mother unless your brother is out of the way.

Good luck.

Answer 6

it will be hard but at the end of the day depending on your mother she will hopefully welcome you and youre family with open arms.good luck . been there and i am happy now

Answer 7

what you need to do is wait for him to mention her, if you ask him outright then you could open up old wounds....you could just ask him how she is and if he reacts and gets upset, then don't mention her again