I have a 14 yr old daughter who won't stop running away, how can I stop her?

Question

she also will not stop seeing a 17 yr old boy

TRUST ME WE HAVE TRIED LOTS OF THINGS. she has been going to counsling,home schooled,the cops have picked her up 8 times already...we have aloud her to see the boy...meet the parents. she is now on a waiting list to a special school for kids like her. 4-6 months waiting list.....i am looking for more of a short term fix. she admits that she is the problem not home

Answer 1

First things first. Do you remember when you were her age? The world seemed to be against you, right? Now, you can be the northstar in her life. I'm not telling you to give in to her every whim, but rather show her you love her. Hug her and TELL her how much she means to you, tell her you love her, tell her you are afraid something bad could happen to her. Be a father, not a friend, and don't nag endlessly.
When you both build a proper father-daughter bond, she will start listening to you as for which boys are good for her and which don't but you have to start now.

Answer 2

Tough Love! The next time she runs away let the police pick her up and let her spend the night in jail. She needs to realize that a safe home with her parents is better then a jail cell with people she doesnt know. If the 17 yr old boy is really that bad, maybe you need to have a discussion with him one on one and tell him you don't approve of the relationship and you feel he needs to let her be a tennage girl and live her life without being tied down by a boyfriend at such a young age.

Answer 3

I, as a 15y/o girl also seeing an older boy, know how she could possibly feel... Although I want very much to stay at home and finish school... I have many other girls in my grade that sound very much like your daughter.

I think she is possibley trying to find some independence from you, so maybe you could try to talk to her.... But before you do you have to make sure you're only going to listen - no judgement, and no advice. Ask her why she doesn't want to stay at home... Maybe you could invite the boy (that you obviously disaprove of - hopfully with plenty of reason besides his age, as i know, that just because your girl is with someone older doesn't neccesarily mean they're having sex) over to spend time with your daughter at home? Even dinner...?

Whatever you do though, teenagers don't want to be told they're wrong, or told what they should do... I know this from all too much experience. Help them make their decisions by guiding them - but with no expectation.... We hate that too.

Yes, we are all pretty difficult....

One more thing, if you do know they're having sex, i'd advise to (as hard as i know this would be) don't demand her to stop or ban her from seeing the boy - she'll be straight out that door again. Instead, the easier option if you want her to stay would be to impliment some safe sex strategies... If you're buying condoms and putting her on the pill at least you know she won't get pregnant...

AND talk to the boy... He could be a nice guy trying to convince her to go back home for all you know...

But like someone else said.. If this is a really serious thing, then get police involved - but be aware that she will hate you for a fair few years, and is even more likely to run astray behind your back.

Answer 4

well i have a daughter as well, luckily she is only 2!
but i know that day will come. With the dating a 17 year old what i would do is approach his parents and let them know that your daughter is only 14. Because you know as well as i do what a 17 year old wants.
And with the running away deal i would problem give her a good scare. I know it will hurt you more but it might just work. The next time she decides to run away call the cops and have her in the holding cell overnight and let her know that if she keeps running away that it could become permanent. ( just give her a scare)
Cause it looks to me like you are far past from just grounding her.
Well good luck and i really hoped i helped you out and may God be with you.
Bailey

Answer 5

You have to stop and sit down with the family and her. Get to the bottom of why she is running away! Did someone hurt her in any way? Is someone hurting her NOW? Does she feel she can't talk to one of you (parents)? Is she taking drugs? You need to get answers. No matter what is bothering her deal with it. LISTEN TO HER! Tell her how much she is loved and what she means to you. That you want her to be safe, and secure. that she deserves to be loved, safe and secure. If she is into this 17yr old how did it come about? Is she allowed to date? Does his parents know? Did you talk to them about the situation? Did you tell them why you don't want her with him? These are things that have to be dealt with. Does she sneak out to see him? Well ask her what she sees in him? And set the rules down. Even if you have to take her to school tell the principal she is not to leave the school building until she is picked up by a parent and make sure it's done. Don't give her any opportunities. Tell her she is not old enough to see him. If she fights you on that tell her that the way you know she is too young is because she keeps running away instead of following the rules. Adults have to follow rules or else they have to deal with the consequences. If she wants to be treated like a young adult her actions should express that. If this young man is abusive, get a restraining order. You are her parent and she is under age. I hope for the best this is such a scary situation.

Answer 6

Thats the problem you want allow her to see her boyfriend. I have teenage sons so I feel your pain. Well I know right now the 3 yr age difference makes a big difference. Put conditions on her seeing him. Only allow him to see her at your home. If he wants to see her he will come to your home. You have to start trusting your daughter a little. The more you say no the more she will say yes and leave the house. Try to come to a happy medium so both of you will be happy. Just saying No just as you did here will not help things. She wants to know why and because I said so isnt enough.

Answer 7

First off Family Counseling is always helpful. There is reason behing teenage actions. This will help you both become close together and help her get her priorities straight and see that in a few years that boy wont even matter to her. If you have health insurrance sometimes the co-pay is only 15 -20$. But she is prolly just dealing with puppy love especially is she is sexually active with him. Give her attention.. spend one on one with her. She is running away for attention she wants to be loved and shown affection and thats what this 17 yrd old boy is doing. I dont think envloving the police will make things right she will just be angry with you and hate you. Go to the boys house talk to his parents if possible if not talk to him. And lock her windows and take her cell phone. Its a phase and she will get out of it. But consider family counseling. Good Luck, just tell her you love her no matter what.

Answer 8

No offense but i have handled many cases like your and i think you need to stop just blaiming her and look at what you are doing to keep her there. I cant really answer your question because your not being specific enough. If you would like to add to the question things like why does she say she is running away, does she think your not treating her well. Or even get her to add to this question. As for the 17 year old boy i relish she is very young but 3 years is not much at all im afraid till he is 18 there is nothing you can do.

Answer 9

OK, 2 things...
1.) You can give her some leeway and let her go out with this kid but give her a time to be back. The more you let her do for herself the sooner she will realize that he is wrong for her and come to you for comfort.
2.) You can put her on house arrest and put a restraining order on the boy.

But I think the more you keep them apart the more she is going to run a way to be with him. Sometimes we as parents have to stand back and let our kids find out the hard way by getting their hearts broke to see ow much we love them. She is at the testing phase and she sounds like she is a normal teenager with an older boyfriend.

Has she always been like this or did it start when she met him? If it is because of him then let it play out, she will either dump him or have a real relationship with him. You can't help who she falls in love with but at this age she is just rebelling.

Answer 10

When I was a teen, I did alot of running away and dated a older guy. I did it because it was so much pain in my heart and i did not care about anything and anyone. Don't send her away, talk to her. Pray for her. Encourage her. The bible says train up a child in the way they should go and when they are older they won't depart from it. If you have trained her right when she was younger she will find her way back to her senses. But if you did not, training days are pretty much over. So talk to her because if you try to beat her she will rebel. If you try and keep her boyfriend away she just may go get 2 more. Wish you and your family well.