how can i tell if my child has been molested?

Question

I have a daughter(1) and a son(3) I'm constantly worried about them being hurt in this way. I don't want to date, or have anyone around my children(men) at all because I'm so worried this might happen to them. Is there a way to tell?

Answer 1

As a survivor of molestation by mom's boyfriends and own family, it is best to begin having conversations with your children now about modesty and keeping thier bodies sacred.

My mother NEVER listened to me when I said that someone made me feel strange. She had one boyfriend that insisted on greeting me with a kiss on the cheek and it was the most disgusting, sloppy kiss that would make my skin crawl. I told my mom about it and she treated me as if I was being disrespectful, I was about five or six. To this day, I hate it when my husband plays like that and slobbers all over my cheek. It makes me shut down. He does his best and thank God for him.

I've explained to my children (12, 8, 6 & 4) if they EVER feel uncomfortable, even with being bathed or at the doctor or whatever, then they need to make it stop (kick, sceam, run, bite, punch, whatever). They understand that Mom & Dad and the doctor are safe people but your heart will tell you that something is not right and they should listen to it, no matter what.

If you begin to teach your children to honor their bodies and the bodies of others, then you are off to a good start. When they tell you to stop kissing them or tickling or whatever, listen to them. My son, who is 6 now, is very embarassed by kisses and asked me to stop kissing him about 4 years ago. He doesn't like to be touched in general. I have to respect that - we do have our ways to be affectionate without me blubbering all over him. He comes to me when he needs some hugs and kisses.

I periodically ask my children if anyone has made them feel uncomfortable and sometimes it's yes, most times it's no. When it is yes, it is usually because someone has barged in on their bathroom time or when they were dressing. Then we have conversations with each child about respecting each other's privacy.

It is good that you are concerned about your children in this way, however, do not let fear overtake you. The media continues to scare us half-to-death with these horrible stories so it is up to the parents to place a trust in a higher power to keep them safe and help them to believe that their bodies are to be respected, it goes both ways though. When I was being abused, so was my mother, therefore, she was powerless to hear me and as a result I did a lot of self-destructive things because I had the idea that I was here to be abused.

How you present yourself to your children sets the tone to their own self-image. If you fall apart at every story of child abuse, then they may begin to fear the world as well and we don't want that.

God brought me through my struggles and although I worry about my kids in that way, it's not so much anymore. I hope that I am teaching them strength of character and helping them to have a positive self-image which in turn keeps them safe from predators.

Best of luck to you -

Answer 2

just never let your children around men or anyone you feel uncomfortable with. If a child cries in the company of someone then it's a good sign that he or she is feeling scared and remove them from that situation. And why would you need to know this anyway. You must have some kind of suspision or your just a worry wart. Check out the Silent Lambs website it gives good detail on how to protect your children. Just Google silent lambs

Answer 3

If you havent left your child in the care of anyone you dont trust they are probly fine. If youre worried that they have been molested you can take them to the doctor and they can do an examination that would show if theyve been molested. If they have, you need to talk with them gently and ask them who it was that touched them where they are not supposed to be touched. Call the police, call social services, have whoever did it arrested.

Answer 4

you can't unless they tell you so..remember that a woman can hurt too. hey you gonna live in a bubble? cause that's what your almost doing.. what happens when school starts? you need to trust people for your kids sake cause then they won't trust... just talk and talk then talk some more to your kids about strangers and all that stuff. from a mom 2 a mom enjoy cause they grow way to fast and you'll miss it by worrying.

Answer 5

As John S stated.. BTW, your line "i presumed that one in each and every of those element were stopped interior the Catholic church" little FYI for you.. In 2001, worried related to the slowness with which situations of clerical sexual abuse have been being dealt with by skill of the Roman Rota, Cardinal Ratzinger effectively lobbied Pope John Paul II to have accountability for such situations transferred to the CDF. for the reason that that factor, the CDF has authorized over 3,000 situations against clergymen accused of sexual abuse; eighty 5 p.c. of the situations have ended in a conviction. Priestly intercourse abuse is “a phenomenon that spiked between the mid-Nineteen Sixties and the mid-1880s yet seems to have exceedingly much disappeared,” and that these days the Church has long previous to great lengths to punish and eliminate priestly predators and to guard toddlers. the end results of those measures is that “six credible situations of clerical sexual abuse in 2009 have been reported interior the U.S. bishops’ annual audit, in a Church of a few sixty 5,000,000 participants. Your new child is greater secure with a clergyman than exceedingly much absolutely everyone, Protestant pastors lined.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have some issues to deal with of your own. Just be a good mommy, keep them safe, and don't leave them alone with people you don't trust. Most of all, make sure to keep those lines of communication open. You kids need to grow up trusting you completely.

Answer 7

was you molested as a child???? This seems like a irational fear. Children NEEED to be around men. they need to have male role modles in their life. Quite offten the teens that end up pregnant are the ones with no father. because they are reaching for the love of a man that they never had. They also don't know how a man should treat them.

Answer 8

have you had the good touch bad touch talk? let them know you are there for them. you can't protect them forever. also tell them if it ever happens to tell you or another adult. relax and trust your own parenting

Answer 9

THEY WILL TELL YOU. AND ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW THAT IT IS OK TO TELL YOU ANYTHING,AND EVEN IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT THEY THINK THEY MIGHT GET IN TROUBLE FOR..ALSO A DR VISIT

Answer 10

They tend to act out. I suggest you get therapy for your problem though...it's not good.