Ultimatum to someone who is ill.?

Question

I am living with someone who is bipolar and wont take his medication. He is also diabetic and he wont take anything for that either. He often talks of suicide. Keeps a rope in the car in case he wants to kill himself if I should throw him out.

Its up and down. I cry daily. Sometimes two or three times a day. But I stay in the relationship because he is the father of my son, and I would feel like a total and complete failure if my second child came from a broken home as well.

He says he isnt takign any meds because they are too expensive. He does go to counselling. But still I have no clue what else to do here. Its become unbearable at times.

What can I do? I have though about calling family services on him. Because he is a danger to our children when he is cycling.

Advice please.

Answer 1

I 100% agree that you are being manipulated. Make your own choices and do what is best for you and your kids - and as the other individuals has said, an untreated bipolar patient is not best for them. If he is a Dad, then he is old enough to sink or swim himself - and you do not have to be his life raft. Whether you report him or not is up to you - I would, but I am not in your position so in the end, it is up to you to decide. Tell him flat yout that you cannot live that way anymore, and if he plays the blame game or tries to manipulate you or suggest you are trying to control him, or whatever the case - then call in the reinforcements like Child's Sevices or your family. He may be able to manipulate you one-on-one, but he stands no chance against you and backup. Others reading this may be saying "hell, man - she asked for advice, not a war plan," but the truth is that it is a war - to protect yourself, your kids, and in the end - to protect him as well. And right now you seem to be losing that battle.

You mentioned that you don't want "another" child from a broken home. So I offer this piece of advice - learn to forgive yourself because I am fairly certian if your other child is happy, s/he is blaming you.

Answer 2

First, most states have laws where you can have someone committed if he is a danger to himself or others. I had my son committed twice and it is the best thing I ever did and also the hardest. However, he is on medication now and before he didn't even think he had a problem although he would quack like a duck and say his grandmother was his girlfriend. He has finished his bachelors with a 3.9 GPA and is working on his MBA. It was hell for several years but now it is wonderful. I don't however think you should stay with someone just so your child will not come from a broken home. You are endangering your child more by living with this person. Just read some of the news stories. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

What a horrible position for you to be in. Is he just making excuses or can you not afford the medication? You do owe it to yourself and your children to be in a safe environment. If he is going to counseling, I wonder what the counselor has to say about this? You don't mention in your question whether you love him or not.

Threatening to kill yourself if someone kicks you out is a type of manipulative behavior. Do not let him blackmail you. You have yourself and your children to think about.

Is there a way you could speak to his counselor? I know that with the medical privacy laws, the counselor may not be able to give you information, but you certainly could give him or her information about your boyfriend and what he is threatening. I would try this first before calling family services on him.

Good luck to you dear.

Answer 4

dont worry about the broken home thing , you do what you know is best , it seems the toughest , im sure , but if you are really agonizing odds are you ve already came upon the solution its that the stress involved makes you second guess due to everything that runs through a persons head during these kind of times. i wish you the best and if you have faith in something outside and above this world than a prayer or two wont hurt . be safe and be strong .

Answer 5

Most cities also have a mental health deputy within the police department. I would call them becuase then you don't have to risk your kids getting involved just in case he gets back on track. I would try getting him to get back on his meds on his own but if he refuses make the call but don't let him in on the fact that you are doing it becuase that could create a huge issue. I am glad you are looking out for his and your children's best interest. Sometimes the best love is tough love.

Answer 6

Call Mental Health Clinic in your area and see if you can meet with one of their advisers, ASAP. I'm afraid if I were you I would have to have, for a lack of a better word, him committed if for no other reason he's suicidal. Sometimes with these cases they can snap and take the whole family with them. Does he have a Dr. that he sees who prescribes his meds? Call him and ask to talk directly with him not his nurse. He may be able to direct you further. Don't wait...

Answer 7

You have to let him deal with it himself,
He's an adult.
You have to think of your children,
Can you imagine what they are picking up and remembering,
Kids absorb their environments like sponges,
Will they remember Daddy having a rope in the car and Mummy crying all the time ??
You are not protecting them if you don't make changes and quick

Answer 8

Is this they way you want to live the rest of your life? In possible danger to you and your children.? Get out now!

Answer 9

he is manipulating you and you are enabling him, seems neither one of you is very healthy. Suggest you part ways and get counselling for yourself and your kids. Being around an uncontrolled bipolar is very damaging to them, because they do not understand that his behavior is not their fault.

Answer 10

you've got to be cruel to be kind if hes suicidal then maybe you should call his doctor,they may put him in hospital but at least he will be made to take his medication its better to do that then to live with his death on your mind.