My brother passed away three years ago from Hodgkins Disease. He was the most wonderful brother and person I ever have known. I am trying to find a good way to keep his memory alive so I can tell my three little girls(two of which never knew him) without scaring them and making them think about death.
2007-03-02 08:12:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I'm so sorry to know you lost your brother that way. It must be so hard. My husband passed away a year ago last December but he'd had a good life and that's so different from losing a young person. I hope you have a lot of pictures of him when he was well. I've been copying pics from the family album with my pc, then framing them for our family members. If they are framed they will go on display and will be right there so you can talk about the person who is gone. I just found a good one of my grown daughter and her little girl as a toddler sitting on her dad's lap as he is sitting in his recliner. He has the happiest goofy grin on his face. I enlarged it a bit and made on for her and her daughter who is now off in college. They both called me when they got them and we had a few tears and a lot of conversation about how much he loved them and what wonderful times they had with him before he got sick. Both told me that they have hung the picture up already. If your girls grow up seeing his picture and hearing you talk about good times, they will love who he was. We've just talked to the little ones in the family about how tired he was and that he is in a beautiful place where we will be able to see him again a long time from now. We've had to answer a lot of questions especially when we decorated his grave on Memorial Day like if he is in heaven why are we giving him flowers at this place. It really is good that you have a way of telling them a little bit about death as they will have it to face again when you lose your parents. Sadly we all have to do that and it's really tough for the little ones who've never even been told that people die and leave us. I can tell from you writing that you are a good parent and your girls will be ok because you are. Good Luck and God bless
2007-03-02 08:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by moonrose777 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get family members to dictate stories with good or funny memories, struggles, and accomplishments on video or audio.
Talk about growing up with him and how you used to play together, fight together, etc.
Go to Compassion International and ask to sponsor a child with the same first name as your brother-a wonderful way to both honor his life as well as a springboard for conversation about him.( Maybe do this when they are older, so that they will not confuse the two of them).
Make him real and relate-able as a natural part of the conversations that you have re. everyday events and milestones, favorite foods, activities, etc.
Show them videos/photos of him.
Talk about the ways in which he was great, and tell some of your favorite things about him.
When one of the girls exhibits a personality trait, liking for a food, activity, etc. that is like your brother, say so.
In other words, bring him to them just in the ways he would add to their lives if he were around eating his favorite ice cream, watching his best sport on TV, playing his favorite music for the girls, etc.Tell them some of his favorite expressions.
Also contact your local chapter of Hospice and ask the same question and also for referrals to good resources for ideas.
Make a scrapbook about him. Plant a tree or a favorite plant or fruit or vegetable that he enjoyed. Go someplace special for his birthday. Visit his grave site and keep it tended.Place an ad in the paper on the anniversary of his death that speaks well of him & how he is alive in your hearts. Pretty much anything good that you do in his memory is honoring of him.Hope this helps.
2007-03-02 08:58:24 · answer #2 · answered by gettin'real 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't make it about death--make it about his life.
What traditions did you and your brother do together? Every sibling has SOME little quirk about their relationship! Carry that through to your children. Keeping the memory of your brother alive doesn't have to require pictures everywhere and making sure your girls know everything about him.
They aren't going to know him like you did. BUT if you keep those traditions alive, you are going to be keeping the spirit of your brother alive.
Just remember not to make it about his death. The best way to not scare them is to not make it about your brother because he did. Make it about your brother because you wish they could have known him and what an amazing brother he was to YOU.
2007-03-02 08:17:24 · answer #3 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously pictures and videos if you have them are good.
Also, LOTS of stories about happy times when the two of you were kids.
If you have any items that were his that say something about who he was, these would be good keepsakes for them.
Also, you might suggest as they get older that they take up some of the sports or other activities that he enjoyed. And participate with them as you did with him when young. (Fishing trips, horseback riding, whatever).
The fact that he is gone will not scare them if you present it to them in a way that is age appropriate for them. Having a close realative who has passed can be a valuable tool in introducing your girls to the realities of life and death.
2007-03-02 08:24:00 · answer #4 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could name a star after him. Plant a tree for him. Have a good photo of him enlarged and framed. Why not raise some money for a charity involved with Hodgkins Disease, and involve your daughters in the fund raising? x
2007-03-02 08:24:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man! I am sorry to hear that this happened to your family. Children it is typical to start thinking about death and what happens to your body after you die around the age of 3. The best thing you can do for them is to be there and in the moment. It was traumatizing for you to lose a brother. Own that. It is part of human life. To commemorate your brother... plant a tree. Have your children help you plan and plant. Visit the tree, care for it, have a picture of the tree and your brother. You will give your children ownership in honoring him. My mom died in 1993 when I was 17 and we planted a tree in her memory. It is great for me to be proud of that tree.
Children wil be scared of death. But remember you can talk about it to relieve their stress. Don't not talk about it. Tell them a story about life's memories and how they carry on. I talk about death to my kids. Only because I am single and often worry about who they will go to when I die. I lost a parent fairly young so this comes more in tune for me. I am rambling off..... but just know that I care about what you will do and know that I will pray for you.
2007-03-02 08:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by djzlyric 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go buy a big scrapbook, and ask everyone in your family to find a couple of their favorite pictures of your brother to give you for it. Ask them to write a bit about their favorite memory or story about your brother - funny stuff, sad stuff - whatever they want to tell about. This will give your little ones an idea of who your brother was and what he meant to everyone in the family.
2007-03-02 08:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by woodlands127 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them about the good times you had with him and let them know how special he was. Show them pictures and videos if you have it. Remember his birthday, holidays, and any other special occassion with them. They might not have ever met him but if you share the love and life you and him shared they will feel like they knew him.
2007-03-02 08:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by shatayalacey1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show them pictures? Take them to the cemetery to bring him flowers? Dedicate an Adopt-a-Highway to his memory? Billboards, car decals, bumper stickers, song dedications?
2007-03-02 08:17:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and fill a journal with things you remember about him - things he used to say and do. Put pictures in it too.
2007-03-02 08:17:10 · answer #10 · answered by J F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋