How can i respect my parents when i am scrutinized for everything i do, i feel that i can't breathe.?

Question

I live with my partner but go to my parents house every day as i have horses there.I have to go in to wash my hands to drive home, i am criticised for dirtying the soap, i am questioned when i open the fridge or cupboards and asked what i am looking for, i am persistently ignored or spoken to like a second class citizen for no reason. My mothers health is not good but she speaks to me as and when she wants to. I walked out of my mum and dads 5 weeks ago as i was spoken to like a child because apparently i had left the soap dirty and i haven't been in since. I feel at 42 years old i am old and wise enough to make my own decisions that i appear to be incabable of according to my parents and all i want my mum to do is to phone me up and appologise for speaking to me the way she did. This is not happening, i go there every day attend to my horses then leave. My father only speaks to me when my mum can't see him as i presume he has been told not to speak to me. Is this controlling behaviour

Answer 1

Have they always been this way? People may act or react strangely for reasons that are sometimes even unknown to them. It sounds like there are deeper issues here, causing them to overeact about the smaller things. The best advice I could give is to sit them down and have a CALM, mutual, adult conversation with them. Explain to them how their actions/words make you feel - without being too accusatory. Give them an opportunity to voice their opinion of the situation - and let them explain why they are acting this way. You may not like what they have to say, so try not to retaliate. Respect their feelings, and maybe all of you can come to some sort of resolution or compromise.

Good luck - hostility with parents is a very difficult thing to go through (I've been there - not talking for months or preparing to write them off completely). The key is to respect your shared differences - sometimes that means being able to forgive, accept them for who they are and their reasons, and mend the relationship... and sometimes that means just moving on (period). Either way, be prepared to listen to, respect, and face whatever reality is sprung your way.

Answer 2

This is call emotional abuse , and your parents are just old folk who are probably bore and have noting better to do but to make your day annoy when your in their presence.

What you need to do is bring your own hand was bottle, towel and your own food ext . To avoid being treated like young child you need to ask or speak to them first before you do something . Since they are your parents and your int heir home when attending your horse you have to live to their rules.

You'll need to work on communication with them so yo can establish a healthily relationship. Also do some family research and find out what kind of family child hood your parent had with their parents and family.

Answer 3

You're 42. Cut the cord. Go see about your horses and only speak when spoken to. You mention your "partner." If you're gay, perhaps they are rebelling against that.

I wish you well. It is very hard to lose family. Life is too short.

Answer 4

they are messed up big time, bring those wet naps in your car ith you when you drive--you do not have to go inside to wash your hands--you are really doing that to get their atttention,id rather drive home with horsey hands then be treated like an ***

Answer 5

Don't let it bother you, mentaly step back and look at the situation, you might even find it funny.