She is really looking foward to starting over. she is going away so she can leave behind the person that had all those troubles in school. It sounds like she wants to start completely over and be a normal happy popular kid like she always wanted to be. I wouldnt worry about really. It sounds to me like she is trying to figure out a way to fit in at her new school so she wont have to go through being the outsider again. She is just trying to figure out who she is. give her some space to figure that out and make her mistakes. But also keep an eye on her...if she is very eager to fit in she may end up doing some things she'll regret so she may need a strong support system at home.
2007-03-02 07:32:53
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answer #1
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answered by Courtney C 5
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I get the impression she may think that college is a fresh start with new people who don't know her and she thinks she'll make the best impression on them if she has nice new clothes and things. She's afraid she'll be embarrassed or made fun of (was she made fun of in high school by other girls for wearing worn clothes or not having certain things other girls had?) . She wants to go into this college experience and make friends and erase the bad memories of high school. I know because I went through the same thing. I hated high school. Unfortunately, college overwhelmed me too and I dropped out after a year.
Your daughter wants to go to college a "new person" at least on the outside. It may help her do better on the inside too, but it may not. She needs to talk about what her expectations of college are. Can you talk to her about that? Help her realize that it may not be what she imagines? If she could talk to a friend or something with college experience behind them, it might help her see that the more grown up experiences she's about to start don't require a whole new wardrobe or possessions. If she doesn't have the self confidence yet to live without those things, she may find college and independence a difficult thing to deal with.
All young adults go through a tough transition from the end of high school to getting used to the college atmosphere. She needs your support now more than ever. Let her get as much new as you can afford and let her spend (or waste) her own money if she wants. Nothing teaches like experience. If she regrets the purchases later, she'll be more careful with money in the future.
Let her start "fresh" as a freshman, but also talk to her about what college will be like, and help her get in touch with her goals and through the insecurity she's feeling now.
She may really blossom in college. A lot of girls do. But freshman year is tough, especially for girls who will be facing a lot of pressure to drink, smoke pot and have sex. You need to prepare to support her through this time. She may do a lot of stupid things in the next few years. :) My son did. They're at an age where they won't take your advice any more but they're not wise enough to protect themselves all the time from problems that will crop up. The best thing you can do is be a listening ear (along with the occasional emergency money when she overspends.)
2007-03-02 15:42:01
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answer #2
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answered by grrluknow 5
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Oh boy!
Well, lets see. You say she's had bad experiences all through elementary and high school.
Seems like to me, she doesn't want to remember any of that. Sounds like she is trying to start a new life and turn a new leaf. She probably feels that by having those 'old' things around, it'll just make her remember all the things that happened when in school. Some new clothes and accessories won't hurt though. But explain to her that paying for 'new' college is enough as it is. Give her a limit on how much she can spend on the new things she wants to purchase.
Hope this helped and hope all goes well! â¥
2007-03-02 15:33:58
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answer #3
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answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6
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From what information you're giving me, I can see both sides here. Yes, using what you have would save money and time shopping. On the other hand, I'd guess she wants all new stuff because it's a new chapter for lack of better wording. So since it would be like a new phase moving to college, why not new clothes so to speak? It's an exciting step, so one might want new and different stuff for it. I could see where she is coming from, and girls are typically more materialistic than guys anyway when it comes to things like this. I've had friends that were going to college and liked to look up on the computer things like bed-in-a-bags for their dorm rooms. It's fun to look all this up on the internet.
Another thing, this age is the so called "Identity vs. Identity Confusion" stage of psychosocial development. I'm sorry I could have said that wrong, but I am trying to apply my knowledge of psychology here. According to this stage (proposed by Erik Erikson), people struggle to find their identities in the world basically. My other suggestion is simply that buying new things-along with going off to college-may help to contribute in forming that new identity free of the high school one, which in this case for her would include the clothing.
Hope this helps!
2007-03-02 16:05:48
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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I am an 18 yr old. And it could be that maybe she wasn't in the in crowd in high school, and she wants a chance to start out new in college. College is a place to be who you want to be and discover who you really are. Also remember, she is your daughter not your son the gender difference, experience differences, and even the time they are leaving home could have an impact on her wants. And hey if she is saving her own money, maybe she is planning on buying everything herself. For someone who usually spends it, congratulate her for showing the responsibility of being able to save money. And maybe let her know that she will need to finance all of the new items she intends to buy. But maybe she has made a decision to change herself and that could be a good thing.
2007-03-02 15:42:00
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answer #5
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answered by Crash Wendy 1
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I would guess that she probably has some self-esteem issues. She probably doesn't like the person she was in highschool. She wants to leave that person behind and create a new person that embodies what she wants to be. Be sensible. Talk to her, but don't criticize her. Tell her you understand the way she feels, but ask if there aren't some compromises she could make. College is an experience that could either make or break your daughter. She will either meet new people that help her understand the person she is and the person she could be, or she will meet new people that will hinder her experience in college by persuading her to do unhealthy things, both for her body and mind.
Another piece of advice I have for you is: stop comparing your daughter to your son! This probably makes her feel inadequate. She obviously isn't the same type of person as your son and she never will be. Love her for who she is and not what you think she could or should be.
Good luck!
2007-03-02 15:41:39
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answer #6
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answered by Confused 2
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First of all boys would wear the same outfit all semester.
Why are you comparing them?
If your daughter has saved her money for this, then whats the big deal,
Just make sure she knows your not paying for a new wardrobe.
Books, yes. clothes,no.
Your daughter may have had some bad experiences throughout high school that warrents getting some new clothes and she wants to start out fresh and feeling like a new person. She may have some self-confidence issues that you may want to talk to her about before she leaves. Just let her know that your there for her but you can't go into debt to do it.
2007-03-02 15:41:34
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answer #7
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answered by MKM 3
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I think sometimes teenagers want new things because they are tired of the routines in their lives. They want changes in the life. And the only thing they find to change is the things tey have with the new ones. It seems that ur daughter needs some great changes to satisfy her and take her out of this tiresome life (especially at the age 18).
I think a family trip can help her a lot. It brings her a little out of the always-the-same life. Or ty to do new things and encourage her to take part in different activities beside the school works.
Good Luck.
2007-03-02 15:43:54
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Im 19 and also a college student , I think the problem is her self esteem. I say that because I kind of went through that myself. I felt that if I worked hard, saved my money etc.. I could create a new life, everything I wanted that my family couldnt afford. Its like living beyond your means. I think she wants to prove that she is worthy of others attention. And because of society(entertainment world) we want to live/look like them. We cant. She can be happy with the things she has but it will take her time to realize that what she is, and the things she has is good enough for the rest of the world, and if they dont like it, oh well!
2007-03-02 15:43:16
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answer #9
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answered by FOXY 3
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She wants a new start. Hopefully to a better life. Better for her. Similar to the way women cut their hair off after a break up. Except that she is in a way cleansing herself of the past. But she does need to remember she is who she is, and that may never change, hopefully she won't be disapointed to find that out. Help her through the transition, and help her with the money. I know how that feels, and I'm sure she feels very strongly about it. She probably needs it.
2007-03-02 15:34:15
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answer #10
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answered by Readredreed 2
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