hi,bunch of jokes for you?

Question

W OMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Answer 1

Oh my gosh!!! I was laughing so hard through all of them!
Thank you!!!
lol!!!!
!♥!

Answer 2

ha ha. i've heard most of those before.. but they are classic.. i love them.. =o)

and i'm not a man hater... i love men.. esp. my hubby.. he doesn't act like most guys normally, but sometimes.. grr... he does..

and you are probably going to get jokes that you are a man hater and those are sexist... to those people i say :its not sexism.... its taking the frustrating truths.. and making them light as to keep us from all being miserable

thanks for the smiles this morning

Answer 3

Lmao! Excellent! Not only am I well armed, I am practically dangerous! (towards all my women-bashing co-workers, that is) 9/10!

Answer 4

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He says, "Gimme a lager, and a mop." what's 15 inches long, and hangs in front of a jerk? Donald Trump's necktie How does "The Creature's kinfolk take a kinfolk portrait.? all of them jam into the front seat and run a crimson gentle. guy: "have been you faking it final night?" lady: "No, i replaced into rather slumbering." old guy: "record, i would be unable to bypass pee." well being practitioner, "How old are you?" old guy, "ninety six." well being practitioner, "you have peed adequate." 2 Seagulls fly over the Kentucky Derby. One says to the different, "i'm gonna placed everythingg I have been given on variety 7." what's furry and stands proud of a mans pajamas at night? His head. a guy robs a financial enterprise and takes hostages. He says to the 1st hostage, "did you spot what occurred," the hostage stated, "confident." The robber shot him. Then the robber stated to the subsequent hostage, "did you spot what occurred?" the subsequent hostage stated, "No, yet my spouse did."

Answer 5

Wow! So true, i love the one about the wax and spider. Smart.

Answer 6

10/10 those were so funny

Answer 7

LOL. All great jokes! LOL.

Thanks for the laughter.

Answer 8

Those were all very good, I loved them!

Answer 9

These totally rocked!!! I love it!!!

Answer 10

Thanks, I really enjoyed this. I printed them to post them in my office. It's a good therapy... lol