Is the advice "Just be yourself" nothing but a farce?

Question

This question concerns those who for whatever reason are finding it impossible to attract the opposite sex. They ask their friends and loved ones what they can do when they're at their wit's ends, and a typical piece of advice that is administered is "Just be yourself". But doesn't the problem itself arise from the fact that these people ARE being themselves in the first place? What if a guy is accepting of how monstrously ugly he is and doesn't think there's any point in trying to hide it? What if a guy has a particularly morbid sense of humor and likes telling jokes that ambigously make him sound like a serial killer? What if a guy is a FLAMING nerd in every way imaginable and isn't afraid to share it with the world? It seems to me that these sort of people already like and accept who they are, and that being themselves is all they can do, all to no avail.

Comments? Thoughts?

I asked this question last night, but I didn't get any answers that said more than what I was alrady expressing.

Plus, there's no point in telling me I have to like myself, because I already do. (And there's even less point in telling me how much of a concieted assh*le I am, because I know there's no way I can say "I like myself" without sounding like one. :P)

"first used tactics, manipulate the person first "

You mean lie? Someone liking you for who you are shouldn't NEED any manipulation.

Don't tell me it's my look that needs changing, alright? I've been told that my beard and long hair are some of my most attractive features. Besides, looking like everyone else with a more "conventional" look is hardly considered being yourself anyway.

Answer 1

I stick by the 'be yourself' advice. True, it might take longer to find someone who likes you the way you are, but the rewards are immeasurably. The world is full of people who find themselves thrown together only to realize, much too late, that they have nothing in common and don't even like each other.

Answer 2

You're absolutely right, it's the worst piece of advice to follow in some situations, some people are just idiots and are always dancing around in a mask talking bollocks. You nearly always wear a mask in social scenarios but sometimes it is a huge mask, sometimes a small one. We don't usually work out who other people *really* are.

The connotation when someone says just be yourself is to build your confidence a little, play the game, but if you already are then you can get a sense of betrayal from yourself and start to hate yourself. And 'being myself' landed me in a lot of tricky situations, it would be better if I had just pretended to be someone else, what someone else wanted... yeah I'm a loser...

People always go on about hating fake and being real... but most of the time that is garbage and they want something fake. And there's so much jealousy and copycat behaviour if you're original. Oh don't get me wrong, it's politically correct advice, but does it work, noooo...

Answer 3

I dont think likeing yourself makes you concieted:)

Anyway on to your question, i guess that just be yourself is a general sort of rule that applies to most but not all people. I think the people it most applies to are those who try to hard. If you are desperate to find a mate than you are trying to force the issue...you wont be yourself in that sort of situation.

Just be yourself to me means dont rush things, dont look for love, just be happy and surprised when you find it. And if you are truely happy with yourself, then you dont neccisarily NEED someone to make your life complete.

Plus in this superficial world, looks and personality do matter and truely being yourself can be a set back, it can make it more difficult to find a mate. But for every super nerdy guy there is an equally nerdy girl looking for love, so you just got to find the person out there who likes your wierdness

Answer 4

Being a Nerd, with a higher I.Q., will always set you apart, as the higher you go, the fewer there are at your level. As you have an off beat sense of humor, I would suggest that you learn to swallow your comments, as most people aren't so quick to see the twist as you do. If you are clean , dress reasonably well, no poopy pants look exposing your butt, keep your hair cut and no facial hair, your chances are fairly good. There are a lot of young women out there who see themselves as you do, so start by just smiling at strangers, saying hello a few times and see what happens. These women can be found in libraries, evening classes, in coffee shops reading newspapers and volunteering in homeless shelters. Be assertive and not so aggressive. Best wishes

Answer 5

No it is not a farce. Better to be/act yourself and find someone interested in you as a person than to put on a front and someone find out later you were just playing games.
Your time to shine will come...sometimes the wait is hard, but it will come.

be cool...

Answer 6

Didn't read your essay, just responding to the question. Be yourself is sound advice. If you put on some front, then even if someone likes it and agrees to be with you or warms up to you, it doesn't reach you where you need to be reached, so it's no use to you.

Answer 7

nope... but it also has to be taken with a pinch of "knowing what you're not and still being confident about it". besides why bother staying with someone on the presumption that your best foot forward will be the foot that you're always going to be standing on?

Answer 8

one of the main keys to dating is to first used tactics, manipulate the person first and then act yourself...
anyway best of luck... take care... :-)

Answer 9

well i know what you're talking about! but you shouldnt change who you are just to get someone to like you because chances are even if you do they still wont like you! if someone doesnt like you for you then they aint worthit!

Answer 10

the bottom line is "be yourself" otherwise u are being fake which people don't like at all