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My baby-who is 12 and in the 6th grade in a jr high is just recently having issues with a girl. The girl talks mean to her, and just picks on her. My daughter is a very nice girl who likes to be friends with everyone and she just doesn't understand why this girl is so mean. My daughter is very pretty, but shy. She never has been in a so called "click"-just a few close friends. I talked to her last night and told her that lots of girls are just mean and jealous and try not to let it get to her. I remember being where she is now and I hated school for that reason. What else can I do to help her? Any suggestions?

2007-03-02 05:34:22 · 10 answers · asked by happyfacemommy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting Parenting

10 answers

I hope my highschool teachers will forgive my really poor bibliographic citation here.

Buy this book:

Please Stop Laughing At Me
by Jodee Blanco
published by Adams Media Corporation
ISBN 1-58062-836-2

I did not suffer anywhere near as much as Jodee Blanco did, but I sure could relate to everything she wrote about. In fact, there were a few places in reading this book where I genuinely did cry. Your daughter may get some comfort from knowing that she is not alone, and that eventually, she WILL rise above the situation and become a very successful adult.

In the mean time, be there to listen to every single word of hers, and to support and console her both physically and emotionally. Let her know that you feel her pain almost as much as she does.

Also, make a point to talk to the administrators at her school. There can be security in numbers, and it may prove helpful to her if somebody, or possibly several somebodies, is willing to volunteer to spend some quality time with her while at school or waiting for the bus. One can feel so alone in these types of situations, and in really extreme cases can bring out suicidal thoughts. I never got that far only because I had a tremendous family support structure, but others have not been so lucky. Certainly, I wouldn't wish your daughter's experiences or those possible consequences on anybody.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

2007-03-03 20:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by G A 5 · 1 0

12 year old girls can be some of the most vicious creatures in the world. It sounds like you are saying all the right things. Remind your daughter that bullies are insecure people who are cowards. A bully will never pick on someone that is going to whoop them. It's not uncommon for a bully to be a victim of the same thing. It's likely that someone is bullying the bully, maybe even at home. This doesn't excuse the behavior but might give some insight.
Your daughter sounds like a lovely child. She doesn't deserve this and tell her to continue to rise above it. If it becomes physical, your daughter should IMMEDIATELY tell you so you can proceed from there. If someone tried to physically touch one of my loved ones, I'd press assault charges. Until bullies face consequences, they're not going to change.

2007-03-02 05:53:53 · answer #2 · answered by katydid 7 · 2 0

My daughter had the same prob;em. I think nearly all girls go through this at some point. I think you should tell her that people make fun of someone for several reasons. 1. is that they are jealous of you and this is the only way that they know how to communicate. 2. They feel so badly about themselves that they have to make others feel bad so that they can feel better and 3. They really want to be freinds with her but they're afraid. Does she like any of these girls ? I guess if that's the case, she could try just saying hello? Frankly, I wouldn't bother and tell her to not let it get to her. People thrive on knowing that they have power over you. That they can "make" you feel bad. Good luck !

2007-03-02 05:44:56 · answer #3 · answered by Johanna S 2 · 1 0

I was bullied as child. Your advice was on the nose. If the bully has gotten physical, you need to contact the school. If she's just "running her mouth", I suggest you have your daughter check to see if any other girls are having the same trouble with the same bully. There is safety in numbers. Your daughter and the other girls have to make the discussion to give as well as the get. If they stand up to Miss Mouthy, she WILL back down. Your daughter has to take back her power. Please let her know that she has more power than realize.

My best to you and your beautiful daughter.

2007-03-02 05:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by mediahoney 6 · 4 0

One of my daughters ran into that problem and it caused her a lot of distress at first. I made it a game by explaining that the only reason the girl picks on her is to get a reaction. If she wouldn't react it would drive the other girl crazy, which it did. Pretty soon my daughter is giggling about it and eventually the other girl stopped bothering her.

2007-03-02 05:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Bullying is a huge issue for kids this age, and often not taken seriously enough by school administration. Take her concerns very seriously, and encourage her to talk to her teacher(s). There are several good resources online - check these out:

http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp?area=main
http://www.educationworld.com/a_issues/issues/issues103.shtml
http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/topics/bullying.asp
http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/school.htm
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
http://www.ericdigests.org/2002-3/bullying.htm

You might find some information that will help you understand what is happening and how to help your daughter deal with it. Good luck to you both!

2007-03-02 05:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3 0

i'm in 7th grade and i have my few close friends and one really good best friend. my best friend has all of the sudden started talking about me behind my back. i hate school now for that reason and i don't think your daughter should have to go threw that. tell her to stand up for herself. also if they're calling her names just ignore them. they will stop eventually. what also helps me alot is to write my feelings down in a notebook or diary. it helps to get it off my chest.tell her i am sorry she has to face this problem.

2007-03-02 07:15:36 · answer #7 · answered by Karleigh 2 · 3 0

You could try contacting the girl's mother and talking to her about it. Maybe she could talk to her daughter.

2007-03-02 05:45:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

try and talk to the school about this, but most likely they wont do any thing about it, they never do. you could tell the other parenst but most likely they wont do any thing. so i advise you to have your daught just forget about the little b*tch and if need be file a law suit.

personaly it sound slike the bully girl should be burned alive.

2007-03-02 05:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

tell her to be indifferent to the girl if possible. what goes around comes around. ..and tell her to watch romy and michelle's highschool reunion....watch it with her.

2007-03-02 05:44:07 · answer #10 · answered by AuntTater 4 · 0 1

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