I work with this really great guy and have been attracted to him for at least 4 years. Within the past month, we have gotten somewhat intimate. We have not gone "all the way" but have talked about it like adults (stds, pregnancy, etc.) The problem is, there is a "no-fraternization" policy at our job. Which, in turn, means that most of our time spent together has to be behind closed doors. He has told me that he is not looking for a relationship, I believe him when he says this, but some of his actions dispute that. We talk every single day on the phone about trivial things, and had a mutual friend go out of town and I wanted to tell her to be careful--he told me that he had already told her for me. It's just sweet and thoughtful things like that that he does that contradict the whole non-relationship thing. I'm not looking for any kind of relationship either but I'm so confused right now-my head is spinning! Are there some men out there that can help me decipher these actions?
2007-03-02 05:21:57 · 22 answers · asked by renee m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well... that's a hard one. First of all, you have to figure if you would mind losing your job, because if you get caught at work, at least one of you will.
He sounds like a good guy who doesn't want to get tied down. The question is... why not? He is already acting like your boyfriend, and it sounds like you're not stopping it. Are you sure that you don't want a relationship out of it?
My first instinct when a guy says he's not looking for a relationship (and I'm a guy, a STRAIGHT guy, just speaking from observances), he's either in one of two positions.
One, he really doesn't want a relationship because he is focused on something else, or doesn't want the pressure of a relatioship.
Two, he says he doesn't want a relationship so that if something else comes along, he won't feel guilty about hooking up.
If you really want to find out where this guy stands, tell him, casually, that you are going to dinner with (insert random guys name here) and see how he reacts. If he gets quiet or distant, or angry, then he wants more. If he doesn't, and you believe him, then it looks like casual it is.
But it really seems to me like you wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with this guy. You say things like "I'm not looking for a relationship", not "I don't want a relationship".
Best thing to do is to talk it out, be honest with what YOU want, and maybe you can get some more info out of him.
2007-03-02 05:32:39 · answer #1 · answered by ski4ever1977 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well during that phase of potential hook-up and even frank discussion - your head will swim with excitement. His too. That's pretty normal. I wouldn't read too much into any signs from him that make you think he wants a full on Relationship. His hormones are getting revved up and he's not entirely himself. He wants this foreplay to end in some sweet afterglow! And sounds like you do too. I once even told a gal "I love you" when I didn't because I was so revved up from the potential physical activity. Never thought that would be me - but there I was! All that to say that sex drive will make you say and do things you might not do otherwise - especially when consummation is near.
The no fraternization policy at work sounds like it will just serve to make the situation all the hotter because now you are each eachothers' forbidden fruit. Have fun behind closed doors. But be sure to use protection. Do not trust "discussions about STDs"! Eek.
2007-03-02 05:38:12 · answer #2 · answered by HomeSweetSiliconValley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We guys will do and say a lot of things when we are trying to get someone to their bedroom. If you really don't want a relationship and he feels the same way, and you could possibly loose your job, then I would move on and keep this on a professional level. Don't confuse kindness with flirting. While we are on the subject, if a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, why in the world would you entertain the thought of getting intimate with him in the first place? Casual sex is only casual for the guy, YOU are the one that stands to lose. Save yourself for someone who wants to be your husband, not just your lover.
2007-03-02 05:44:12 · answer #3 · answered by Les c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cares about you, but when he says he's not looking long term he may really feel that way. Then again, if you two ever get to have a deeper (physical?) relationship the ideas may change. So just take everything with a grain of salt and go with the flow..and be careful of getting too noticeable at work. Are you ever going to go out for a drink or movie?
2007-03-02 05:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting myself in his place I would GUESS this:
1. He likes you as a person and enjoys talking to you.
2. He finds you sexually attractive and likes flirting with you.
3. He is PRIMARILY interested in his job and not having to answer questions about the no-fraternization issue.
4. He tells you he's not looking for a relationship to let you know there's NO WAY he would quit for you and you should NOT consider quitting for him.
5. He would like to have you sexually but it's too risky.
6. He enjoys your friendship and the flirting but it is not going to go any farther EVER.
7. He appreciates being able to talk to you about sex because it's exciting but he wants you to know clearly it is JUST TALK.
Of course, that's just where I would be. I don't know him so you have to interpret, but that's an adult guy in the workplace point of view.
2007-03-02 05:28:38 · answer #5 · answered by RangerEsq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did get together with this guy you would never be able to go out of doors with him until one of you changed jobs as someone from work is bound to see you together sooner or later.
He's told you he's not interested in a relationship so don't go hoping for more as nice as he is to you and others he's not looking for a relationship just some soulless physical fun.
If you think this guy who wants nothing from you but sex is worth losing your job and self respect for then go for it otherwise tell yourself you deserve better than someone who just wants to use you and move on
2007-03-02 05:28:44 · answer #6 · answered by madamspud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not a guy, but maybe i could help... i think you should just take things slowly... if neither of you want a relationship right now just hang out with him, get to know him better, then if the feelings build it might turn into a relationship. this guy definately does care about you though even if he doesnt want a girlfriend. good luck
2007-03-02 05:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by Aura 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with all the answers. Guys are pretty much straight forward and what you see is what you get. It's us girls that analyze things and make things complicated. Just go with it and have fun..why do you care anyway I thought You weren't looking for a relationship either.
2007-03-02 05:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-fraternization policies only apply to the workplace.
Invite him out for a drink.
Or buy tickets to a sporting event and invite him.
"Hey I have a coupla tickets to the Dodger (or whatever) game next week would you like to go with?"
2007-03-02 05:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by AlphaMale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it's simple. He wants to have sex and that's all. Things will get weird after that and one of you will end up losing their job. There is a no fraternization policy in place for a reason.
2007-03-02 05:25:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋