Here's the deal: my mom died in November of last year and I was able to take on her job but it hasn't started yet. ( It's complicated) Anyways, my family is constantly comparing me to her and I love my mom but she told me before she died that I'm not her nor will I ever be her because I'm my own person and I have to live my own life not the life she had. I want to my family to be proud but I don't need their criticism and comparsion on a daily basis. Also, I have a younger sister and my dad and I believe will do better if she lived with him (who has a very active role in our lives) because I'm only 21. I work full time and go to school full time and I don't want to her to feel neglected because she's a good kid. I want her to have the best and right now, I'm unable to do that for her. Anyways, my point is that I want to prove to my family that my sister going to live with my dad is a good thing and that I'm not my mom... I'm just me. What should I do?
2007-03-02 04:44:43 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm sorry for your lose. tell them just that. you are not mom you are ?? you are only 21. you struggle by yourself. your sister should be with dad because he can better take care of her and that the most important thing. you know? you have nothing to prove, even though i get you want to. the reality is you don't. just keep in your little sister's life as much as you can she will need you to. good luck
2007-03-02 04:56:42 · answer #1 · answered by sassy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your loss. You should tell the family what your Mom told you. Remind them, that no one can be like your Mother and to compare you to her, is not fair. You have your own personality and you own work ethics and they have to see that and stop the comparison. Do the best job you can and move on, if they love you they'll stop doing this and if they don't, it's really their loss.
As for your sister, you have a life to start and with a full plate already, you really don't have enough quality time, to give her. Your sister deserves to have a happy life too and staying with her Dad sounds like the better choice. It's not that you don't love your sister but it is in her best interest to get the most out of her life right now. By over extending yourself, will only cause more problems in the end and hurt feelings will likely happen.
You sound like you have it together and I'm sure your mother is up in heaven smiling down on you. Good luck.
2007-03-02 13:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by trojan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Mom was a very wise person. The only opinions that matter are yours and your Dad's. Both of you seem to be pointed in the right direction and concerned with the important thing which is your sister's future. Just do what you think best for her and if that is living with your Dad then that is what must be done. As for the other family members, If they continue to act and say things like they are even after you have explained it to them, then there isn't much else you can do. Thier attitudes could stem from something else that doesn't have anything to do with you, your sister or your Dad. It doesn't sound like they are being very helpful in any case. Good Luck and use the wisdom that your mother saw in you and things will be fine in the long run.
2007-03-02 12:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is do what you think is best. Family is constantly going to state what they think is best, but they don't always know because they're not in your shoes.
Your mother was right, you need to be your own person. You have to break out of the stronghold that family has on you and make your own decision. The family will get mad, say hurtful things to your face and behind your back, but let them know that you do care what they think, but you think that this is the best decision for the circumstances at this point.
I can speak from experience because from being the oldest in the family, you develop a tendency to please the family. But there comes a point where you have to do what's best no matter what they think. It'll be hard at first, but they'll come around. If they don't, that is their problem and you can't worry about that.
Good luck, I'll be praying for your situation.
2007-03-09 13:13:00 · answer #4 · answered by bignate_2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you just have to talk to them about it. Regardless if they want to hear you or not, just let them know how you feel. Explain to them why you feel that your sister would be better off with your father. Include all the details/reasons why, such as, you are not able to give her all the time and the attention she deserves, etc... You need to let them know how you feel, express yourself, and whatever happens, if they receive it in good spirits or not, let it go. You can't live your life for others, and that includes family. And no, that does not mean you are disowning them or being mean. Besides,you said you are not your mom, so once you talk to them, in time they will understand (if they don't right away). Nonetheless, tell them how you feel, because you seem to have your sister's best interest at heart, and hopefully soon they will realize it. But communication is key! :)
2007-03-02 13:01:55 · answer #5 · answered by June 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i was wheever u are..... id jus give u ahug and tell u thats how families are.. they compare constantly and theres notin u can do to stop it.... its like a natural thing and yeah we hate it.. but wat can u do ?? ur not ur mum and u dont have u be no matter what any one says.....im sure ur mum is happy with how u turned out.. i mean at 21 uve already taken so many responsibilities.. so how bout jus focus on urself and do wat u gotta and dont let any one make u think otherwise.... in my opinion ur already doin a lot more than u should be so ur ok......infact better.. ur great !!! how bout jus go bout ur life one day at a time and intime things will fall back into a normal pace..... i guess u all miss ur mum .... its not easy for em as well... so maybe gettin at u is a way for em to wateva.... ur a good person and urdoin the best u can.. so be happy with urself and like i said one day at a time!! not easy i know but its life.... its not easy for anyone ! my prayers with u.. good luck !
2007-03-09 03:17:20 · answer #6 · answered by I V X 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when my mom died i took over caring for my father. your family misses your mom. you can not be her, be yourself. do the best you can. they know your not her, good luck dear. put your problems and worries into gods hands.
2007-03-09 15:58:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋