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My neighbor has been borrowing chairs from me for his informal dinner parties, but never bothered to gesture or ask if I would like to join them. I find it very rude and annoying, but I wonder if this is simply a cultural difference? Thank you.

2007-03-02 04:25:38 · 33 answers · asked by Citrus 1 in Society & Culture Etiquette

33 answers

That's rude in any culture. Next time he tries to borrow them, just say no.

2007-03-02 04:28:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7 0

This is one of those things that the western world has lost.

Technically, it would be proper etiquette to invite you to the dinner party on each occasion he borrowed your chairs. It is polite and proper to not inform someone of a party or get-together unless you plan to invite them.

However, you shouldn't take offense to this. Many people have no idea that this would be rude, and he doesn't intend to offend you at all. A good suggestion would be to host your own dinner party and invite him to it, as a kind gesture. You're not trying to send a message.

Chances are, you'll be invited to his next party, and you won't have to worry about it anymore.

2007-03-02 04:31:19 · answer #2 · answered by jsprplc2006 4 · 1 0

Well, did he tell you what the event was? We borrowed my fiance's uncle's chairs for my father's surprise birthday party. My fiance's uncle doesn't know my father, so we didn't invite him.

If it was just "an informal dinner party" maybe he casually mentioned it to you (aside from borrowing the chairs) and considered that an invite?

Could be he just considers you no more than a neighbor (albeit with stuff) so doesn't feel you are in a position to "mingle" with his family. And yeah, that would be rude

2007-03-02 04:45:08 · answer #3 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 1 0

If your neighbour doesn't have enough chairs for the guests he is expecting.. why do you think he has room for another guest? If you don't want to lend your chairs, just don't do it.. the neighbour can buy inexpensive folding chairs if he needs them on a regular basis. But I don't think he's being rude for asking.. and you wouldn't be rude if you said no. Also if he is a foreigner, it's possible that the people he is inviting speak another language and you would feel very left out if you joined them, or they might feel significantly constrained by having to speak English for your benefit.

Why not continue to do the neighbourly thing.. think Karma :)

2007-03-03 16:54:20 · answer #4 · answered by endorable 4 · 0 0

It is rude, plain and simple. If he's never asked you to join once, he shouldn't borrow chairs from you. There is a cultural difference too, most people don't think that deep into it. He probably think you would be uncomfortable, He might just invite you one day, you never know. Chances are, if he hasn't yet than he probably won't.

2007-03-02 04:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Right 2 · 1 0

No, that's tacky. He should invite you but in American culture it would probably go like this....

It would be a half hearted invite just to be polite and you'd probably respond, "Oh that's really nice of you but I have a lot to do here so I should probably say no...." Because you don't know his friends and sitting around eating with a bunch of strangers who all apparently know each other is probably not your cup of tea. So then he'd say, "Oh okay, well if you change your mind ..." while secretly being relieved because he doesn't want you there or he would have invited you in the first place.

Boom - Everyone is happy and etiquette has been observed.

2007-03-02 04:32:54 · answer #6 · answered by mufflerbearings1967 3 · 2 0

This is above and beyond rude! You have done a very kind deed by lending the chairs, but enough is enough!
If your neighbor is hosting say a prenatal lamaze class and you know that it is something that totally does not apply to you, that is one thing..but hosting informal dinner parties for fun...and not to invite you is just insane.
Please tell your neighbor that folding chairs may be the way he needs to go in the future.

2007-03-02 04:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by kat k 5 · 1 0

Next time, tell him - Yes, you can borrow them this one last time but after this please find another source for your chairs, I have decided to keep mine at home from now on.

There will always be rude people who will take unfair advantage of a generous person. You do NOT have any obligation to give them what they ask for.

There is no such thing as a single pattern of behavior in America. Unlike most other cultures, which are homogenous, America is a turbulent mixture of cultural differences.

2007-03-02 04:32:25 · answer #8 · answered by fra59e 4 · 1 0

Sounds pretty rude to me. It may just be an oversight on your neighbors part - but its not a cultural difference. If I was going to borrow your chairs - I'd definately invite you to join us.

2007-03-02 04:35:02 · answer #9 · answered by KATHY A 2 · 1 0

I would ask him "what's the occasion" and if it's a party for friends (not family or work), and he still doesn't invite you, then next time he wants to borrow your chairs, simply tell him you will be using them yourself, you're lending them to someone else or some of them are shaky or damaged and you want to protect them from any further use.

2007-03-02 05:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by Raven 5 · 0 0

It's always rude to let anyone know about a party they're not invited to. What this guy is doing is an unusually outrageous example of this. It's like passing out party invitations in a classroom when not everybody's invited.

2007-03-02 04:36:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

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