my childs dad has not been in her life for over 2 year he called and asked to see her what should i do help?

Answer 1

If he doesn't have visitation rights mandated by law, then I would say tell him no, it is too disturbing for a child to have a father go in and out of their lives. If he is serious about seeing her, then you all need to go to court and get him court set visitation, tell him he needs to show that he isn't going to do it again. My oldest two had a father like that, and I tried to be the good mommy and let them see him whenever he felt like it. It took me 2-3 years to undo what damage had been done, especially to my middle child who looked up to his father. Now they have been adopted by a great man, and we never even mention their real father.

Answer 2

Honey! I can see why that's rocked your world. His request coming out of nowhere. However if he's done nothing wrong regarding you or the child. No restraints etc. then he has a right to see her. So you would both be better to have a visit in a public place that she enjoys. Like Mickey D's, chucky cheese ,you know what she enjoys.
For several reasons.
1.It's public, Not your home, so he doesn't know exactly where you live. Unless you told him or he knew before hand.
2. There's not likely to be a scene, or he tries anything more than a visit.
3. Your Daughter can play and enjoy the day without being upset by a stranger getting to know her. He can talk and watch her play, whilst you both talk together and get an idea what his plans are concerning him and your daughter in the future.
It's probably all very innocent. He may have come to realize that his daughter is part of his life and he wants to share some time with her, get to be a Dad. at least on certain occasions anyway.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Two years is an awful long time to be absent from her life. I'd ask him why the sudden interest. And, depending on what kind of person he is I'd go from there. If you feel comfortable with him and know he is a good guy then I'd let him have visits on YOUR terms. That means you are there and it's at a place of your choosing. Wether it's your home or a friends...or your parent's. The visit would be kept short as to not overwhelm her.

At this point I think calling him daddy would confuse her. I'd wait to see if he sticks around before I let him be called that.

Sorry to be such a skeptic but I've worked as a CASA/GAL and supervised many a visit like this...where the mom/dad has been absent. They stir up enough in the child to create a will for a relationship then they leave again...and the child sits and waits for the parent to show up. It's heart breaking...and they aren't biologically mine...

Just be cautious is all I'm saying.

And don't leave him alone with her even if it's at your parents place. After being gone for two years he doesn't deserve that. Moreso if he's not be paying child support.

Answer 4

This is not a simple issue.

Why was the father missing?
What is his reason for wanting to see the child?
What are the chances that he will disappear again?
Does he owe you child support?
How old is the child?

I'd want him to resolve any child support issues and give some indication that he plans to be a part of the child's life not just an occasional "guest", before I'd agree to anything.

I think I'd want the first visit in a public place where you can feel free to leave at any time.

It is sad but your child should know about his/her father even if he isn't going to be "Father of the Year" anytime soon.

Answer 5

Question is: How old is your child and has the dad ever been part of her life? It's not an easy answer that's for sure given that I don't know much about your situation. Either way, the children are always the most important in my opinion. Examine the situation for the following: If you think that any physical or bodily harm could come to your daughter, then no.(for ex. if he is on drugs, a drunk, an abusive person) A father is very important in a child's life. A difference of opinions with mother and father don't count. If there is no threat to your daughters well being, then get them together.

Answer 6

This would depend on the reason that he hasn't been in her life. If he is unsafe for her to be around, keep him away from her. Otherwise, don't stand in the way. Standing between your child and her father is one of the biggest mistakes made by mothers today. I agree with how you obviously feel, that he should have been around for the past 2 years, but you can't punish him forever for making what he could realize was the biggest mistake in his life. We all have life lessons to learn, though it takes some a little longer than others.

The other side to this is the way your daughter will feel about your keeping him away from her. She could easily grow up to resent you for not allowing her father an opportunity to be in her life. Give him that option and if he is not dedicated, she will know that it's not because of you. Don't make her blame you for him being a deadbeat. You don't even have to tell her negative things about him, turning her against him. The older she gets, she will better understand the situation and know exactly what type of father she has.

Talk to him and make it very clear that you don't want to expose her to any more pain than she has already endured by his absence. Let him know that if he doesn't plan to stick around, don't even come around.

Answer 7

It's sad that he's been out of your child's life for 2 years. Maybe now he realizes what he is missing; watching your child grow up is an incredible experience. I would suggest making arrangements that YOU are comfortable with. For the first meeting meet him in an controlled enviroment with plenty of other people around. I wouldn't suggest you take a current beau, but you might want to take a family member or close friend that you both knew. Set a specific time frame and for this first meeting stick to it. Don't let him take your child off by themselves. Maybe you could meet in a mall and he could do some shopping with you for your child.
Just my thoughts coming from the other (male) perspective and having gone through a divorce with children involved.

Answer 8

Say no. If he is serious about trying to be in her life he will stick around and be persistent and then you can change your mind if you want. But your daughter does not need the heartbreak that goes hand in hand with having a father who bases his realtionship with her on how convenient it is at the time. It's really important for children to have stability in their lives so it would not be mentally or emotionally healthy for her to have her dad waltz in and out of her life.
Not only that, it will give your daughter a false perception of what a good man is suppose to be like. Children model their lives based on what they learned from their parents while growing up. She may find herself in a relationship with a guy one day who doesn't value her for who she is, and you don't want that for her.
Trust your mom's intuition. I know you'll make the right choice. It's wonderful that you care so much and you are here asking for advice, but only you know your situation the best.

Answer 9

People do sometimes change. Play it cautiously. Contact a lawyer. Supervise the visits until you are comfortable. Communicate with the dad so that you are both at the same understanding about the best for the child. He might go away as quickly as he came back. But you don't want to deny him because that will come back to you when your child grows up. Better to be spurned by him than for them to think you were the one that didn't allow visitations.

Answer 10

It depends..is the man a threat to you or your child?
Is he a good person who made stupid choices, and now wants to make up for them?
Is he someone you want in your life?

There's a lot to think about here. I would supervise visits and try and support the father-daughter bonding. It's important for a child to have a father. I think it does a lot for the child's self esteem and self worth..knowing that the man loves her.

hard decision to make, but only you can make it!
Good luck with this