Do people both men an womens opinions pls...?

Question

assume because your a single mother if you like a guy its only to replace the father of the child?

Im kinda ready to start dateing again and am worried that men wont ask me out because they think im trying to find the baby a new dad? Im not!
I just want opinions from both male and females with or without experience in this situation, basically to out my mind at rest and make me feel more confident.
Be honest pls.

(im 23 and kinda like someone a bit)

just as well marriage aint my thing then aint it!!

Answer 1

Don't listen to the idiots who say wait until your kid is grown, what a load of crap. You are a mother and it is the most important thing you will ever be, but it's not ALL you will ever be, you are still a person and a woman!
I was a single mum for three years before I met my husband, and during that time I had several boyfriends. My only rule was they didn't meet my daughter until after two months, and she was never to see us touching or in the same bed etc. I didn't want to confuse her or teach her that it's ok to have loads of guys in your bed!
I was really lucky in that she goes to her real dads every weekend, so I mainly just saw my guys then, maybe one night a week when she was asleep.
I only had one guy who had a problem with me having a child, and it put me right off him striaght away, which was a shame, but his problem not mine. Let's face it, men are everywhere, and not hard to replace, until you find a good one, then hold on tight. No other guy ever said anything or had a issue, but I did do everything to keep them away from her anyway. I felt like she was too good for them you know?
Until I met my now husband, and after a while she got to know him and they get on pretty good. He's not her dad, she has a dad, but he's like her uncle or something, though she doesn't call him that. I think alot of girls do want a new dad for their kids, which is wrong, but keep them apart as long as you can, and guys won't think that at all.
Good luck, us yummy mummys are a good thing you know, house is always clean and we cook! Men love it, trust me, they're all just kids anyway!

Answer 2

Well what are you doing if you're not trying to find the baby a father. So are you looking for a mate that doesn't want anything to do with the child. If so get back with the the guy that left you with the baby. Look think about it a little it's not possible for a mother to go out with a guy and expect him to not care for the child at all or have him think that he will never have nothing to do with the child. However badly you want things to be as they were before the child they're not going to be. That's why they say "HAVING A BABY IS A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE.''

Answer 3

I am a single mum to a 7 month old baby. I have thought about when I get back in the dating game, and how it would effect my son. I think if the child's father is still around then you have nothing to worry about. However if, like me, the child's father is not about, it is not about how you or this guy thinks. You have not mentioned the child's age, and the thoughts I have had are that any man I get involved with, whether they like or not, is going to be a male role model in my sons eyes and if I wanted to settle down with a man, than he would by default become a father figure.

If this guy likes you, he will know you come as a joint package and that any father issues depend on your situation.
Enjoy yourself and don't worry about this yet. Worry about it when you have to, as today has enough worries of it's own.

Answer 4

Some guys will not date a girl who has a child for the reason you suggested. Others are a little more aware of the realities in life. I am a 40 something man who is dating, and engaged to a lady who has 2 children. I am willing to be a part of her life as well as the children's lives.
Don't try to fool yourself or him though. You are hopefully looking for a positive male role model to fit into your child's life, who will show stability. If you don't think or believe this, don't date because you are out there for the wrong reasons, and your child will suffer the most.

Answer 5

Hey there! I think it's really important always to embark on your encounter without any preconceived ideas. I know many different stories: My friend left for another country to marry a woman who had had a child already, left his house friends, job and life behind without a question and is really happy with that. Others might think that the kid definitely plays a role. Especially because I have heard a woman tell me she actually IS looking for a dad replacement primarily. So either case is out there, from both men's and women's perspective. There are prince charmings and horrible guys as well as nice correct and bland girls and those with a twist and those who have both. I found it easiest to always look at both yourself and your guy as individuals, not as someone who wants this or that or is from this and that background. So don't worry and take a shot if you have surplus emotional chips for the dating slot machine! :-)

Answer 6

I know where you are coming from, im a single mother too. And id like a bit of fun and company without ppl thinking im looking for a potential father. Some men are after fun without commitment in which case they may be scared by the prospect of being 'reeled in' to fatherhood as well.
But not all men are like that, and hopefully you will find someone who doesnt think you are trying to find another father. Good luck x

Answer 7

The way you act defines the answer...

I have two female (single mother) friends. One is constantly man hunting for a new husband and father for her son and the other one goes out and looks for a good time when she needs one and has a couple "regulars" like that but they rarely interact with her family and have no emotional ties with her son.

How and what *you* do will define that. Anyone you bring around your son enough will begin bonding with the child on some level so you just have to figure out what your looking for, because both have very different strategies.

(And FWIW, the one that is not man-hunting seems much happier and less stressed, BTW)

Answer 8

To be truthful, you are looking for a father figure.....eventually. The purpose to dating is to find someone to spend your life with and in turn your child. I am 25 and do not have kids so you may not agree with my advise since I do not have experience, but I sympathize. You would like to live your life and not worry about whether you are being judged. The best advise I would say is to date as many guys as you want but be respectful to yourself. Do not bring each of them home, or display affection to them around your child until you are certain it is a long term thing. You do not want the child to get attached to someone just to have them leave again or later in life your child may have the wrong impression of what a relationship is.

Also just be upfront with the guy and tell them you have a kid. The kid is a part of you and if they do not like that fact then they do not like you.

Be honest to yourself, the guy and your child. As long you keep the child's best interest in mind then go for whatever you want in life.

Answer 9

You shouldn't want to replace the baby's father, which you said you didn't. Noone is replaceable. Be careful though with who you date, remember, your child is always going to be there. You don't necessarily need to worry about them wanting to be a father to them, but you do need to worry about them accepting him/her.

I always say that you should put your child before yourself. Whatever is in the best interest for her/him will only benefit you in the long run.

I don't think that you should introduce any man to your child unless if you believe that they have potential in being a positive person for your child to be around. And you deserve to get to know him on your own before your child does.

Just remember that children are precious gifts sent from above and anyone who is not willing to accept the fact that you have a beautiful child should not be worth your time of day.

Be careful in who you choose, you're still young and it's okay to be a single mom. Don't let anyone judge you. Be proud of what YOU have.

Answer 10

I think it will all depend on how you approach new relationships. You dont want to thrust the child upon them as soon as you start dating or they might think you are just after a father for the kid. also it might be good for the child if you dont introduce her to every guy you meet, you want to be careful with what your kid sees (I am sure you have thoguht about all that though so i dont mean to preach)

If a guy thinks your that desperate hes probably not worth your time anyway. Because of your situation you will just have to find a very mature understanding guy who sees you for who you as a woman and a mother---not just one or the other. It will probably be harder to date than the average single girl, but its not impossible.