What do I do now that my niece has done it again?

Question

See my question "What would you do? How would you react?" for more details to her prior antics.

She's almost 15 now and she promised to help me get my room clean. I only have 3 days off from work a week and they're all school days, so she promised to help me after work those days. The first day I wanted to start at 5 and work until 10, but she stalled until 8 so we didn't get much done. The second day, she stalled again, but it wasn't as long so we got more done. The third day I got to school early with a picnic packed so we could eat right away and get right to work to get as much done as possible, but she insisted on hanging out with her friend then wanted to hang out another hour at the park and got her mom to give her permission to hang out at her place instead, thus not helping me the rest of the day. I'd bought things to give her after we were done, but she's all mad that I won't give them to her and says it's blackmail if I don't give them even though she's not done!

I bought her sunglasses, a camo belt, and a desk phone, plus I already took her out to dinner-- twice. What would you do with a niece this ungrateful and bratty?!?

Plus, her parents are rewarding her for staying out of school and hanging out with her friend and not helping me by buying her an expensive new cell phone-- right now-- and they tricked me into taking her with us so she could get it!

It's not just all that, I have to admit. She is spoiled and a brat and has a bad attitude and right now I hate her. That's because normally she is my best friend and the only person I trust and usually so mature and responsible, at least until she met her new friend and started hanging out. Now she says she doesn't care what I do or whether I get her anything. It's like she's throwing away everything I ever did for her and still tricking me into doing things for her, getting her parents to help! I feel like playing a mean trick on her in return, though it's not my way. I'm just so angry right now and I don't feel like I'll ever get over it this time. Last time I was over it when I asked the question. Now I can't even say her name without getting furious-- or her friend's name, either. I've tried to calm down, and I can't. I feel, too, like moving 2000 miles away-- just leaving and never coming back. I feel betrayed and hurt worse than ever before by ANYONE.

Answer 1

promise is a promise, if she didn't do as she promised then sucks to be her, maybe she'll learn her lesson before promising again.
Take back the stuff yo go her, she is obviously immature, she needs to learn responsibility.

Answer 2

THE WHOLE TRUTH

just so u all know im the neice shes talking about ,kisha. and second shes not telling u the whole truth. she isnt saying what she did in the whole situation. she told me,before any of this started, that i was stupid. now shes tryin 2 cover it up and say she said i was acting stupid. and she got mad cuz i wouldnt clean her room,i shouldnt have 2, when she got mad she told my friend that she needed 2 stay out of my life and that she was a bad influence on me and shes not. i act the way i act cuz i will accept the conciquences,and i know this. yes she bought me all those things, and i do appreciate it, i am going back 2 school, and my parents bought me the phone($40.00)cuz i am goin back 2 school. im not spoiled im just sick of the way she always buys stuff just cuz she knows i would like it, or she says shes gonna take all the stuff away she ever bought me, she said she will not come to pick me up from school even if im dieing, she says im the reason she drives crazy,and she always wants 2 hang out with me and i do like 2 only not 4evr all the time.she calls me kurby or whatever thinking that i hate that name.and even my parents think shes taking this too far. and by the way Patricia, my mom knows u said u were gonna take everything you ever gave me cuz u said it to her. the truth is i dont mind helpin i would love 2. im juyst not gonna b manipulated. she said 2 me that my mom gave her permission 2 come and paint my room pink(the color i hate, the color i want is green)and she could throw out all the stuff she wants. guess what i talked 2 my parents and they said no such thing and they said they never will.they said i should have my room the way i want it. i love her, i do but im am so over her acting like her dad saying that she didnt say something when she did. and presents are presents u shouldnt take them back or exspect them 2 pay u back.i was willing 2 work things out but it was her way or the high way. we usually work when i get off from school until10 to 2 in the morning even if i have school in the morning. i gave her a temporary fix untill i would start spending the night again.(about 2 weeks).i said i would walk 2 her house from school(she lives less than a mile away) and we would work until 10 to 11 witch the only thing that would change is i wouldnt stay the night. same amount of work same hours and everything, whats the big deal. and the song on my cell phone is mine not yours so u dont have 2 worry about it and second i have a new phone anyways.as far as im concerned i would have done the jobs for nothing. is that spoiled or is it you who just has to have her way.im so over u and YOUR way.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, if her parents are reinforcing her behavior, there's not much you can do. As far as the items you bought for her, don't give them to her. You bought them to give them as a reward when the job was completed; the job's not completed, so she doesn't get the reward. It's pretty simple--even a five-year-old could understand the concept.

Just because her parents are constantly giving into her doesn't mean you have to. Set limits when she's with you and stick to them. Be sure she knows that when she's with you, she will not be able to manipulate or control you like she does her parents. But frankly, if she's almost 15 and still acting like this, I don't know why you would want to put yourself in such a tough position. You're not her parent and you don't have to spend time with her; if she's that much of a brat, why do it?

Answer 4

I didn't read your other question, but with what you are saying here, I would assume that your niece is spoiled, and her parents are not willing to change this for their own reasons (good or bad).
You are trying to rely on a young girl who is still immature, and then blaming her for being immature. You also have a part in this, and it is your responsibility to clean your own room, not hers to help you.
As far as blackmail, she uses the comment because she is spoiled. She will have a temper tantrum until you give in or show her that you will not contribute to spoiling her even more.
Just don't give into her whims or else she has become the victor in ruling the world in her little corner.

Answer 5

The only problem you have is the one you are allowing. You need to deal with her like an employer with an employee. Fire her. She doesn't deserve to have the things you have given her because she hasn't earned them. Her parents are enabeling her from being responsible and you are helping. You need to clean your room yourself and stop waiting on her to help you. Teach the child a lesson and stop rewarding her for being a spoiled brat. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 6

You are right not to give her the stuff you bought that she would have gotten had she helped you as she said she would. She needs to learn a lesson about keeping her word. It sounds as if her parents are not helping her any in rewarding this type of behavior, but that's their choice and they hav to live with it. It sounds as if you need to distance yourself from this niece and you need to tell her why you are so disappointed in her. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Keep the gifts for yourself and tell her she had 3 chances to earn them but she blew it. If her and her parents don't like it, then they can figure out a way to get her these things from their own back pockets.

Answer 8

do you have another neice that you can ask to help you out? or maybe a friend of hers that might enjoy a dinner out or a nice gift...as far as what you should do about it all ,mark this up for experience and stop buying stuff for the spoiled teeny bopper...gifts from aunts are at great at b-days and christmas...let her parents buy the rest.good luck!

Answer 9

you should never count on anyone. because usually when a person does there alone in the end. and you are the only one who cares and is concerned that your room is clean. she donesn't she is young and has other things to do ,right? sorry can't you find someone else to help you even a friend. even a guy friend. or is your neice the only one in your life?

Answer 10

You give no indication whether she shares the bedroom with you or not. If she doesn't share that room then she isn't responsible for cleaning it. The fact that you have only three days off is your problem not hers. Clean your room.