I don't like my mum!!?

Question

In fact I don't like any of my family. I don't hate my mum or dislike her, but I don't particularly like her either. And I am not sure if I even love my my mum. Growing up she was not a bad parent - she didn't abuse me or anything so I don't understand why I don't have a bond with her. Furthermore and I know this is mean, but I have thought on occassions how I would feel if my mum or any other members of my family were to die, and to be entirely honest I really don't think I would be that upset! Why do I not have a bond with my mum??

Answer 1

Despite what we hear in literature and urban myths, it isn't 'automatic' to love your family. Love develops between people who spend time together and trust each other. People who need each other but can also help each other grow. Love must be accepting and not conditional on behaviour.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. It is not unusual. If you think it would help, go to counselling to talk about your issues. Otherwise surround yourself with people that you can love and that love you. Friends are the new family.

If you would like to build a better relationship with your mother you can always work at it, but sometimes you are better off going your own way and living your own life. I mean keep in touch, but you don't have to be close.

Answer 2

Something might have happened when you were born. She might have been depressed or suffered post partum syndrome and couldn't hold you as much as she should have.
This is a devastating illness and could be a factor here. I would ask her if this happened after you were born. I also would ask if there was anything traumatic that hap pend at the same time... Sometimes family dynamics and problems rear their ugly faces to explain why things are like they are.
I feel, that the connection was not made at birth....
She might have been too busy with other children, working, a husband that was demanding or an over bearing parent.
There could be a zillion reasons for no bond.
Also some people are not sensitive and warm. Her parents could have been harsh and cold people themselves, and you learn what you live.
I think a little digging on your part might bring a few things to light.
I wouldn't worry that there is no bond, I guess your indifference might have been earned.
try to stop the cycle and if and when you marry and have children love them alot.

Answer 3

well u did not give Ur self an opportunity to create such bond.... and honestly u wont until u try to change Ur inner most ideas about Ur mom... u said Ur self she was not a bad parent and she did not harm u ever so all that is missing is a huge from her and more love and care ..... u can give her the hint that u need more of her love than to be just Ur mom ...... love is not practical it is emotional so i really do not think u even gave her the chance to show u how much she loves u.... just open Ur heart to her and use her mummery heart to give u all the missing blocks of love u need to finish the puzzle that u r feeling right now

Answer 4

She's probably not that fond of you either.

In the immortal words of Phillip Larkin

They f*ck you up your mum and dad
They don't mean to but they do
They give you all their faults
Then add some extra just for you

But they were f*cked up in their turn
By fool in old style hat and coats
Who half the time were soppy stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a costal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.

Answer 5

Sounds familiar. With my Mum its a love hate relationship. I have tried to bond with my mum it didn't work though. We are too different. Try to find something that you are both interested in. As my Grandma used to say. You don't know what ya got till its gone.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I feel the same way with my mum. We have totally different interests, yet I still take the time out to phone her once a week. She is going through the menopause at the mo so it is important to know how she feels.
We may be at opposite ends of the spectrum, but at the end of the day she brought me up and I will always remember her for that. Thanks!

Answer 7

First u ask u r inner self whether u want to know it---whther u r really interested in u r mom that she should love u.

just sit alone when u r mom comes home and watch her activities--whther she wants to see or search u-if u r alone sitting in the corner doing nothing and if she is really interested in u she will come to u--that means if it happens theproblem is with u and not with u r mom. If she comes to u ,u pour down all ur feelingswithout htinking anything and u can see yourself that some mirracles happening and if it happens just think of me!

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that you dont bond with your mum. Its so sad, as I have lost both my parents, my mum being my best friend. Its sad to think some people dont get on with their parents, were I would give anything to have mine back. Believe me, you would feel crap if they died. You only have one mum and dad. Make the most of them.

Answer 9

I feel the same way, however, my mother was a piece of work. Let's face it - we are adults. Who says we have to deal with people we do not like, mother or not. Give her the respect that she brought you into the world but other than that I wouldn't stress. I have drove myself crazy over that relationship and realized it is what it is. Move on.

Answer 10

Maybe for the same reason i didn't have a bond with mine..I wanted a "best friend" and she never was that She cared for us,did her parental duty and nothing more..It is sad but you can't force yourself to feel something you don't..