They want to hold my daughter back in school, what do I do??

Question

My 7yr is in first grade. Despite the fact her teacher adores her and we think she is very intelligent, she is just getting by with C's and B's. Her teacher is leaning towards us holding her back and then if she is having the same problem next year, having her tested for a learning disability. That really bothers me because I don't want her held back. She isn't doing great but she isn't failing. The teacher said she is now where she shouldv'e been at the beginning of the year. Her teacher the year before brought up these issues at the END of the year stating she wanted her held back in Kindergarten (which we did not do, but now the school may not give us a choice). I feel like the school has failed my daughter, am I wrong? Should she be tested for a learning disability now?

Answer 1

IF it were my child I would have her tested now. Why hasn't the teacher brought up this issue before now? If she wasn't at the level she should have been at the beginning of the year why has the teacher waited until now; surely the teacher knows right off the bat whether or not your child is on track or not.

Answer 2

This is not an easy question and there can really be no right or wrong answer; so will tell you about my experience.

I am a mother of 3. I know that all 3 are socially intelligent and talented. I also know that all 3 are different accademically. The first son gets by with barely studying and gets 85-100%; the second son gets 75-85% IF he studies; the 4 year old daughter will just pick up a book and try to read & write.

Throughout his years at school, we have recognised that our 2nd son was one of the youngest in his class. We [hubby & i] kept asking the teachers whether he should not be held back. They kept saying no as he always pulled through in the final term of school.

Looking back I think they never held him back because while his grades were not excellent he could express himself intelligently.

Maybe that is the dilemma you are facing. You speak to your daughter and she is bright, but to the teachers she is not where they think she should be accademically.

To tell the truth, I am sorry I did not have both sons tested, earlier especially the 10 year old and I am sorry he did not repeat a year. He is now doing exams to enter 7th grade but while he is coping it seems to take more effort for him than it does others. It is harder for them to be held back the older they get.

Ultimately, i would say listen to the teachers BUT go with your intuition to have him tested.

Base your final decision - moving her or letting her be held back or not - on the test done. Please remember you are not looking for her to be tested for a learning disability. Find someone who is trained to test on all levels - social development, her learning technique - not just as to a disability.

PLUS! Grades is no indication of how anyone will ultimately cope with life.

Answer 3

Hi, Mom. Yes, definitely get her tested. If her teachers have noticed that she is not performing up to her full potential, there could be a number of factors hindering her. Have her evaluated for a learning disability, have her vision and hearing checked, meet up with your family doctor for a physical; anything that might illuminate a problem and help her to be sucessful in school.

I don't agree with some of the posters here at all. It should be a big red flag that you have been told twice now, by two different teachers, that although your daughter is smart and has a great personality she is not progressing as would be expected for her age/grade. If you continue to progress her from grade to grade without taking into consideration her teacher's observations (and most of them know what they are talking about and only want the best for her), there are a number of things that can happen. She could fall so far behind that she could end up in a special education class, which based on your comments I would say she is definitely not a special ed kid, she could start to lose her sense of self-worth and get frustrated because she can't keep up with the other kids/the work, and/or later down the road when it is REALLY going to hurt her, you are going to end up repeating this scenario and she'll be held back in middle school or high school. A worst case scenario is what happened with my step-brother, whose mother decided not to hold him back in kindergarten against the protest of the school/his teacher. He basically struggled through the rest of his school years, then after his Sophomore year dropped out of school. To this day he still does not have a diploma/GED, and he's 30. You need to think about the ramifications of this for your daughter's sake. Repeating now could really be a non-issue if you handle the situation right, but letting things continue as they are could mean lots of problems down the road.

And for what it's worth, our son was a very young kindergartener and ended up repeating kindergarten due to issues with and diagnosis of ADHD, and this year has not only caught up to his classmates but has exceeded our expectations, and will move on to 1st grade next year. He is about to turn 7. Good luck to you Mom!

Answer 4

I would have her tested right away! We went through the sorts of issues with our son when he was that age, and when we had him tested, confirmed he was dyslexic and discalculate, as well as gifted. The school came up with an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for him, which basically changed the way he did his assignments. He got 6 A's and 2 B's on his last report card, and is doing fabulous. It helped us identify where there were issues, and we could focus on the actual problem, instead of just guessing what was going on. Our school wouldn't test until the end of 2nd grade, so we got a referral from our doctor to go to an agency, and our insurance covered the entire process.

If your school insists on holding her back, do it now - it is so much easier for kids to adjust when they are younger. There is much less stigma attached. It is possible for a child to be very gifted and have a learning disability. It is really hard to admit, as a parent, there could be a learning problem, especially if parents didn't have that experience.

Find out as soon as possible if there are learning problems - waiting will be a disservice to you and your child. Good luck!

Answer 5

C's an B's are not the end of the world - but the issue here is that she is now where she should've been at the beginning of the year. Nobody wants their child to have any kind of disability - you have to put all that aside and do what is best for your daughter. I don't necessarily think the school has failed your daughter - they recognize a problem and they have brought it to your attention. If one of my children's teachers suggested that my child be held back I'd most likely do it. You said it yourself, the teacher adores your daughter, she is suggesting what she feels is best for her.

Answer 6

It sounds like the teacher is the failure. C's and B 's do not cause a child to be held back, D's and F's do. If she is not learning what she needs to know to move on to the second grade, you need to take it up with the school's administration.

If she should need to be held back, hold her back. If she gets in line with the concepts, she will succeed in the future. If there is a problem and you run away from it, she will fail in the future or settle for mediocrity.

Answer 7

Listen some children just progess at different ages...
You would rather hold her back now while it doesn't affect rather than allow her to go on and continue to struggle and then when high school comes around have her fail because she is still behind.

Don't think about it as the child failing, just think of it as her not grasping the concepts right now and she may just need a little more time to get the idea.

It is not a big deal. I know some parents feel offended by it but it is the teachers job to let you know what is going on. They would hold the child back if they didn't feel she needed it.

And right now it wouldn't affect her as bad as it would if she was in 4th grade and they decided to hold her back.

My daughter is five and in kindergarten. At our first parent teacher she said to me that she thinks that she might have to re do kindergarten because she is not understanding some of the things she needs to that are vital to succeed in first grade. She expained to me that some kids just progress differently. And she may not be matured as quickly as others do. It isn't a big deal to hold them back now...in fact it is better to do so now. They need to understand the basics in order to move on...andif the teacher really feels strongly that the child wouldn't succeed in the next grade level then why put the child through that. So she can go to 2nd grade and feel lost and struggle even more.

Don't make any decisions now...
With my daughter one marking period later the teacher said she has really improved and that she may not need to re do it.

I recommend working with her at home on the things the teacher says she needs help with. I mean really work with her and try many learning styles to ensure she truely understands it. Make it fun for her as well.

And give her time to adjust. First grade is much different than kindergarten. Much more responsiblity.

And if the teacher does say hold her back...i would say do it...because school builds on top of each other and you need the basics before you can succeed higher levels.

Answer 8

Don't let them hold your daughter back. Instead of waiting to have her tested for a learning disability next year hvae her tested now so that way by the end of the year if there is anything wrong they can help her to get her grades up so she won't have to be held back. I agree with you.

Answer 9

from experience same thing happen to me my son now 9 is doing well since kindergarten the teacher wanted to hold him back, but i all ways said NO because it will effect him later on.
first off all all his friend will be ahead off him and that does make them feel bad emotionally. what i did was that during summer vacation i was teaching him what the school wanted since over were i live their is no summer school. and at the beginning of the year they would test him and he would pass. so from what i hear your little girl is passing with good grades. what is wrong is that some teacher are trying to make our children grow up to fast today and not have fun.school is to be fun while they learn. so get involved in your little girls education by helping her study more
but in a fun way. i did that with my son and he is doing better then the teachers ever thought. you be very persistent in your little girl so that she can become a great person in life.

Answer 10

I would have the child tested for learning disability. Once you have that information you can determine if there is a learning disability condition that can be addressed by professionals, or if the problem lies elswhere like in the teaching method, or possibly better time management for the child at home. That means you'll need to keep much closer attention to the child and what they are doing. Are they doing their homework and using their time affectively at home, or are they involved with TV, toys, or computer games?