Well my 5 year old son is showing signs of femininity....?

Question

I know that most people will shrug it off as waaay to early for labels but this is heartbreaking. He dances like a girl doing the booty popping move (i don't even allow him to watch music videos so I guess he saw it done while at his father's house) and has a constant obsession with putting on my heels. I've taken away most of my daughters dolls and just put them up, (they both have educational toys anyway) because he plays with them more than she does. Everywhere I go he's stuck right under my leg and he cries and whines when he has to do things independently. (Just the other day for example he needed to use the restroom, we were in my mothers 1st grade classroom after school and his younger sister had to escort him to the bathroom and then he came back and begged me to take him because he was afraid... mind you this is in the class). I don't want to be paranoid but I don't want my child to be "like this".. Please help... what can I do?

Thank you to the few answerers who took what I was saying for what it is. Yes I know he is only 5, I just don't know of any other 5 year old male children that do this. It is very very very true that I will always love my son no matter what... I just want the best for him and in the world that we live in people just aren't accepting of this type of behavior. I would also like to mention that the dolls he plays with are male dolls that he puts female clothes on. To some that may be normal but to me it is not. Maybe if it was only one example or even two of this type of behavior I wouldn't be worried but... it is an everyday occurence. *sigh*

Thanks again to all of you. It's interesting at how many different viewpoints are available. I'm going to sign him up for soccer over the summer (he will be six and can play on the team). And pretty much let him be. As far as the dolls... well I won't entertain those quite as much but I'll give him something equivalent that isn't as girly. :) I wish I could give 4 or five of you the best answer but there were so many I can't limit it to one so I will leave it up for a vote. Again. Thank-you thank you thank you. Especially to the moms and the men who responded.

Answer 1

He is 5 let'em dance and sing. That is part of enjoying life. I wouldn't worry to much at this point. My little brother was vary similar in playing dress up, and singing in to anything that could be perceived as a microphone.. I will be in his wedding in June. And I don't ever remember questioning his sexual orientation. Just make sure his dad stays active with him. He'll need the male influences/role model as he is gets older. Like a mother to her daughter some things dad just can't help with.
P.S. He probably likes the heels cause they click across the floor. Try getting him a pair of cowboy boots, they make just as much noise.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Some of this does not sound like femininity- it sounds like a case of seperation anxiety. All children go through stages of this from time to time. The dancing like a girl thing just sounds like he is immitating what he is use to seeing. Maybe he needs some time with Dad, Grampa, Uncle, or another trusted man, perhaps someone from your church. Does he have cars, trucks, and hero action figures to play with? Try getting him into a sport. There are terrific programs at the YMCA. My grandsons started soccer at ages five and six. I am a single mom myself and my 'baby' is 10 and he is a little more 'sissy' than some boys because he grew up with five sisters and no real male influence. However, it helps him to be around other guys and do guy things. It was hard even getting him involved when he was your sons age because he was shy.
If you are a single mom, the big brothers program is a very good thing to get your son into.
At five, he is beginning to understand more male and female rolls. Have a talk with him. Ask him what sport he would like to try. Maybe even Karate or other martial arts.
Don't be paranoid. Pray! I do not agree that homosexuality is inborn. God would not have distroyed the whole cities of Soddom and Gomorrah if that were the case. That said, you can take steps to help him with both his self esteem and his masculinity.
I had to work at it because there were no male roll models around. Now there are a few more, but I still have to work at it.
God bless you and your son.

Answer 4

Let your child experience life. He's only 5. He still has many things to discover! All kids love to dance!! I even think all kids think it's fun to put on moms heels ever once in a while. It's something they don't have so they want to see what it's like and they often find the noise shoes make funny.
My 2 older boys were very timid around the same age as yours. My 6 year old would rather me take him to the restroom than go by himself even at church. I don't see any wrong doing. It's all a part of growing up and becoming independent. I personally don't think you should be stressing over this issue at this age. I can see your fear, but your fear may unknowingly prevent your son from experiencing life to the fullest; he still has a ton to learn.

Answer 5

As a mom, support him in whatever he becomes. He is 5, I wouldn't worry at this age. The more you take away, the more curious he will become. It is natural for boys and girls to play dress up. Let this be a phase, don't make anything of this. As for being afraid, I have an 8 year old that has fears of going to the bathroom alone, but I know he will outgrow this. If he does turn out to be "gay", "bisexual" or a "crossdresser", would you love him any less? Don't be paranoid, just love him the best you know how.

Answer 6

Ok truth is I was like that when i was young. I used to play with dolls too but it was just a phase it was just a way of experimenting and role-playing.(something like when tigers play fight its still just playing) also wearing your heels may not mean that he is showing feminity but instead it may be that he wants to be like you someone he respects and love (and i know cause I have a younger brother). And I knew a kid who wants his parents all the time but now its like hes so independent and enjoying his childhood.

Love the time you spend with your child cause as he grows older he will grow apart from you soon even you wont be able to spend time with him when you want to. Maybe its because he hasnt make many friends yet or it is cause he saw his friends do those things and he followed them. Right now its still a time for kids to be carefree learn and experiment in their own special way dont restrict them to what they can or cannot do (unless its commiting an offence). But instead support them let them learn and learn from them how they act and respond. Its alright to be worried but you have to know the right time like when hes 8 and still acts the same way.

Answer 7

don't worry about it. the child is fine, he is exploring the roles of the people around him. he will come into his own and find his own identity. really, he is FIVE, he doesn't understand about gender roles and the fact that you are hiding the things that he is exploring probably makes it more intriguing. It also sounds like he is trying to deal with the anxiety caused by the split of you and his father. help him by ensuring that you will right there when he gets back from the bathroom then be there. don't wander off when you are with him..in time he will stop being a mommas boy and be his own person

Answer 8

He probably sees that "the girls" get to do things that he doesn't and thinks that's because he's not one of the team. Include him more, pay him more attention.... Are there male role models available to him?

IAE, if he leans towards girl stuff because that's the way he is, he's not going to change. Peer pressure at school might help.... Time will tell.

Hiding stuff or telling him what he's doing is wrong will just make him hide his behaviour and then you won't know what he's up to or what he's feeling when you need to.

Answer 9

I encourage you to let him be a child for a while and see how everything works out.

Does he have any male role models or spend quality time with anyone who's male? That might help a lot.

You might consider signing him up for a sports league, like t-ball, soccer, or basketball. Then he'd be around lots of other boys and take some cues from their behavior.

Answer 10

He sounds to me like a normal 5 year old that is just exploring. The bathroom thing seems to me like some sort of separation anxiety as well as doing things independently. But I need more information for that. You have to remember that he is 5,hes a baby, and he doesnt see all those things as weird. Just because he puts on his heels and dances around he might be femine.