Should I say anything?

Question

OK. The situation is we hit things off, going great. When it comes to a connection/committment, I get the sense she isn't ready. Things get rocky. One day she tells me she needs to be on her own. We continue to talk. Any time anything regarding "relationship" talk comes up, she gets anxious, anxious enough that she alludes to ending all contact w/ me. Fast forward several months to now, we are talking daily, we have a relationship, one where there is at least enough trust that I will see her often and talk daily, which is a huge step from before X-mas time. Thing is, I don't know what, if anything, I have done or am doing differently now and am having trouble shaking the idea that I want to know what she sees differently about me and us now. Should I ask or just leave well enough alone and take it for what it is now? I am not interested in a fling w/ her. I want something serious.

Just to polish this up, I am happy with our relationship now, but I don't think I am doing anything differently than I was 3 or 4 months ago when she decided a relationship wasn't possible. Now it seems to be great with her, too. I'm not upset, just dumbfounded.

Answer 1

It sounds like this girl either never had a long term relationship before or she had a bad one. In either case, it sounds like she was just being cautious and didn't want her heart broken. She wanted to be sure of her feelings for you and of your feelings for her before she would be ready for commitment. The fact that you have remained the same supports this. Too many guys pretend to be a certain way at the beginning of a relationship just to impress the girl, then change how they act or who they are once the girl is hooked. Because you have been yourself all along and haven't pretended to be someone you're not, she sees that you are being honest and serious, and it has allowed her to open up to a relationship with you. Be happy and don't let her go - she sounds like a smart girl.