Has anyone had the experience of staying commited to someone fighting cancer?

Question

My son had cancer and also my mother more recent. Both were treated at Dana Farber/Brigham in Boston. My son was treated almost 10 years ago, my mother over a year. While my mother had her surgery, I was at the hospital for about 19 hours straight. So I wrote something while sitting and evaluating what kind of people do this work. It was hard, but also my passion to be that person to take care of the suffering. I just wonder where I got that ability to deal with such trials.

September 15, 2005

Dana Farber is people. People who have chosen careers in Oncology, knowing full well that the depth of their compassion will be as much a measure of their success as their grasp of biology. People who understand that miles often must be measured in inches, and that the smallest victory is a victory nevertheless. People who understand that practicing medicine is a privilege, not a right, and that the most privileged are those who provide care to those most in need. People driven by a desire to understand how one cell can lay the foundation for the skin, while another spawns a kidney, and yet a third gives rise to a tumor. People whose intellectual curiosity compels them to ponder the impoundable, and whose intelligence allows them to provide answers to questions that most of us would not know how to ask, let alone how to answer.

People who derive great dignity from performing what in other settings might be viewed as mundane tasks, but when performed for cancer patients are life giving. People who clean floors, and who understand that they are cleaning those floors for patients who have no immune systems to protect them against microbes. People who sterilize instruments, and who understand that a less-than-perfect job is a job that may as well never have been done. People with cancer: a disease that overwhelms the body by mimicking its natural processes. People who first ask “Why me?” and then realize that the real question is, “What lies within me to give me the strength I need?” People, who, when confronted with adversity that the rest of us cannot even imagine, refuse to submit. People who know that if they are to play a meaningful role in the effort to eliminate cancer and the fear that it engenders, they must play that role as members of a team, not as solitary heroes.

People who have chosen to sit beside the bed of a terrified cancer patient in the darkest hours of the endless night. People who know that no matter how bad a day they are having, the husband or wife, mother or father of their patient needs their support. People who help: simply because they want to help. This is what I do. This is I, a part of the whole.

Answer 1

I love what you wrote, I know it came from your heart, only a person who has dealt with the cancer of a loved one would have the words that you have. My son was diagnosed with leukemia in 2004, and I have felt each and every one of your words in my heart. But I can tell, in my case that the only thing that gave me strength to help my little kid fighting the cancer was the great love that I feel in my heart for him and the confidence that God was there right by our side. Yes, at first I asked to myself many many times.. why my little son? but now, when I see my healthy son, full of energy, running around, just being a happy kid I know in my heart that everything was a blessing in disguise, and that God wanted us to go through this to show us how blessed we were since the very beggining and how much he loved us.

Since I dealt with my son's leukemia, this feeling remained in my heart and now I feel the need to help others, I feel so blessed and so grateful that I KNOW I must do something in return, and it has become a passion to me too to find ways to take care of the suffering. Yes, you are absolutely right, the greatest privilege is to serve those ones who really need to be helped.

Good luck to you, your son and your mother; you are a special person, because you have learned the greatest lesson that there is to learn in life. May your actions show the rest of the world what lies in your heart...

Answer 2

Very nice writing.

I do not know where the strength and courage comes to get up every single day and face this horrific monster. Certainly, no one asks for this type of trial and wants it gone forever. But the fact is that with cancer you don't really have much of a choice but to face it head on and deal with it. You just do what needs to be done and deal with the good and bad. Frankly, if you need to deal with such horror every day and you have no choice in this matter than it is far better to deal with it rationally and positively. Take time to smile and enjoy even the small moments of time with the patient. But, of course, I totally understand the emotional suffering, almost agony that we all deal with during these times. And, in those times you certainly do not feel like smiling or laughing. So, what has always worked for us is to compartmentalize . . do not study the big picture but concentrate on the moment only . . or the day, whatever your situation is.

My son has a very rare sarcoma that presents as multiple masses inside the abdominal cavity. He has never been angry that he has cancer. He has remarkable inner strength and his social worker has often commented that he just knows how to deal with the situation. I have never once heard him complain about chemotherapy or his surgeries. He is always peaceful even in the most dire circumstances and a positive force. He makes it far too easy for me.

My son is also going to be treated at Dana Farber in a few weeks as he is going in for an autologous stem cell rescue (will use his own stem cells to rescue immune system after high dose chemotherapy).

Take care. ;-)

Answer 3

I have Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, I was dx in March of 2004, I had just started dating the man who is now my husband, I gave him a chance to run when we discovered what was before us, He got mad at me for even suggesting that he leave me. He has been there in the darkest hours, he has faced with me the bad news of relapse not once but 2 times since this began, Through all the treatments he has been strong,, for me. I now face a Bone Marrow Transplant, a very risky procedure, I have a 50/50 chance that the complications could kill me, Yet there he is by my side encouraging me, supporting me, The strength that comes from the caregivers is amazing, it is a blessing. Where the strength comes from I believe is from the love that you have for the person who is going through that trial, You travel the road with that person, You are a fighter for that person .

R

Answer 4

That is beautifully written.

Sadly, each time I have needed to support someone fighting cancer it has been from afar.

My sister did not win the battle but now my friend's daughter is valliantly fighting. I have taken some of the comments from posts here to share with my friend. Thank you.

Answer 5

Thank you. I am a Cancer patient. please write more. nothing more valuable than "care" & "love".