How to discipline your child?

Question

Hi sorry discipline, i dont think its the right word but couldnt think of what to say. My daughter had a tantrum outside a store yesterday, was screaming as she wanted to sit inthe trolley and not ont the seat (store forbids kids to sit in the trolley due to accidents. Anyway she started screaming so partner went into store and i took daughter back to car, she was screamign and screaming and i told her if she didnt stop i would give her a smack on the leg. I did this, a gentle tap before you say anything, she kept crying for a minute or so then said she would sit in the chair and could she go in the sotre, so we did. I hated smacking her on the leg and not something i have done before but she was screaming so much and i couldnt think of what to do, she wouldnt get in the car.....its no excuse i know but how would others of handle this. please dont think of me as a nasty person for this.

Answer 1

Isn't it embarrassing when they do that!
Please don't feel bad about the way you dealt with it, many people from my generation were smacked and its not abuse, abuse is very different. It won't scar her. You're not a bad mother or a bad person.
You are a real person, not supermum, not some mythical perfect parent. You had to manage your own feelings and hers. Parentings great, isn't it. :)
You took her away and gave her a chance to calm down. You explained what was happening and she was beyond reason.
And bottom line is, your daughter has now learned that tantrums in public won't get her sweets, rides, treats or bribes; you think they are unacceptable.
Tantrums have got nothing to do with the kid being spoiled or getting her own way in the past, they are an emotional response, a sign that they can't cope. In real life she can't behave that way as an adult and she has to learn to manage her tantrums.
Its a stage they go through and if it doesn't get what they want then they grow out of it. It would be far worse if you had given in and let her get what she wanted, that would be a terrible lesson for her.
She calmed down, got a grip, and became a reasonable member of your family/the human race again so you didn't do anything wrong.
What would be the alternative? Is shouting at them any less distressing? Or would it just suggest that parents have tantrums too so they must be ok?

I would try talking to her, and ask her how she wants to handle it in future, if she's old enough to understand.
Explain that there are rules for her safety, like 'don't run into the road'. You are the grown up responsible for keeping her safe, so that means you can't always let her do what she wants.
Say 'if you feel a tantrum coming on, tell me and we'll walk out the store and wait it out'. That way you're on her side, assisting her with dealing with it.
I did this with my lad, and people thought it wasn't discipline; but it teaches them self discipline.
Best of luck! :)

Answer 2

I think you dealt with it as best you could in the circumstances and I do not think you are a bad mother. You have never hit her before so the shock of you doing it was enough to bring her around to her senses and realise that she can't throw tantrums to get her own way anymore. Never feel you should apologise for giving your child a tap - you don't have to justify yourself to anybody. She is your child and it was having to deal with the situation.
In future you can now say to her if you carry on with this unacceptable behaviour then I will give you another tap on the leg. It might be all she now needs to bring her back to acceptable behaviour.
There is a huge difference between a slap for discipline and abuse. I do not advocate abuse but I am willing to admit that I have used a spank as a form of discipline - but it's something that is very very rarely needed as the children know it hurts a lot more than just telling them off or trying to reason with them. There are times and places and when you are in the middle of a carpark then I don't think it's the best time to spend 15 mins trying to reason with a child. I know how my discipline differs from other parents and I am proud that my children are 99% of the time so well behaved when out and about unlike some of the other children that you see. And before I get accused of having children that are scared of me and only behave out of fear then you are totally wrong. I have a great loving relationship with my children and many people comment on how happy they are. That's because they are brought up in a house with boundaries that I stick to and the children can relax because they know what they can and can't do.
Ignore any negative comments you will no doubt get - some people wouldn't be so brave if they didn't have the anonimity of YA!

Answer 3

You are not a nasty person for smacking your daughter on the leg. She was misbehaving and you did the right thing. Just remember that whatever form of discipline you use, be consistent with it. If it's timeouts use that always, it it's a smack use that always. Consistency is key when raising a child. Don't worry yourself over this. You are not an abuser, you are a mother with a child who was misbehaving. You did a much better job then bribing her to act properly in turn teaching her that when she throws a tantrum she gets rewarded rather then punished.

Answer 4

My son has tantrums in shops, cafes, parks etc. It is usually to do with him not getting his own way and I will not give in to him. As soon as I have said 'no' to something he starts. I tell him if he doesn't stop being naughty then we're going home, usually by the time we've got to the car he will start to say he won't be naughty any more. Once things have calmed a bit I will explain why I got cross with him properly, give him a cuddle and tell him that's finished with. BUT if he starts again it's off to the car and home!

I learned to do this after I smacked his hands once in anger, I felt so so bad I knew I had to do it some other way.

Answer 5

Well we have 2 boys aged 5 ands three unfortunately they can be handful especially when in the supermarket., We too have the very same problem as yourself, what we do is let them sit in the trolley however as as we start shopping and putting things in they have to sit in the seat or walk, otherwise we have no space to put the shopping.

I don't see you being a bad parent because you tapped your daughter on her leg.

However I would find it hard myself to say to them that I will smack you if you don't listen.

Answer 6

You are not a nasty person, you are bringing your children up how you see fit. Everyone has different opinions on the smacking issue. I used to run a cub pack and could always tell which kids had been smacked and which had'nt. Lets just say some knew there would be no repurcussions for bad behaviour. You need to explain to your child that she was smacked for a reason and that she knows its called a smack. The threat of a smack in the future will probably be enough to stop the bad behaviour. And there is a big, big difference between a smack and abuse.

Answer 7

Ignore ignore ignore.Remember someone telling me a story and dont know if it is just that,but her daughter was throwing a tantrum somewhere and a elderly gentleman stopped and said "oh good i love tantrums can i watch" the child stopped instantly lol My son was like this and god could he throw a wobbly! I did just that totally ignored him didnt say a word, first few times he screamed louder(think he thought i couldnt hear him) then gave up as he knew he was getting no where fast.Good luck and no i dont think youre a nasty person,children are sent to test us!!

Answer 8

all these pc rules have been invented for people with no sense of where the lines are.

my mother hit me when i was little. not regularly or anything. after she'd done it once or twice it was generally the threat of more that did the trick. i am in my 20s now and am not a violent person. i have never struck anyone in my life and solve problems through communicating or simply knowing when to walk away. but when you're dealing with small kids you can't reason with them. until a time when they can fully understand why something is wrong, a small smack, or threat of, will go a long way.
like with dogs :)

Answer 9

i know this sounds daft but worth a try- reward good behaviour and totally ignore bad behaviour!try it for a week or two,if children are getting a reward for being good there more tempted to be good rather bad and get more attention!if you ignore the bad they'll realise there not getting attention or any treats so they'll try and be good instead!you dont have to splash out just try and use a chart e.g. make a chart on a bit of card dated sun-fri and divide the days into 3 groups-morning,afternoon and bedtime if there good in morning put a sticker on chart in the morning bit and so on and at end of week friday look back at chart with yopur child and count how many stickers theyve got if theyve got at least 1 every day then give them just a pond to spend on whatever they want on the saturday and the next week or so up the challenge to see if they can get at least 2 stickers per day to get an extra treat so the £1 and maybe a magazine or a bag of sweets!also give them a goal e.g if they can get so many stars by end of month you'll take them on a day out somewhere!its worth a try,it worked with my daughter!although u cant expect them to be 100% good all the time so ignore minor tiny things!(angie-not steven)

Answer 10

I think you handled it well. You used the least amount of disapline needed. I don;t think I explained that right. You removed her from the situation, warned her, and followed through. Each child is different and needs different levels of discipline. Some will respond to a warning or a time out and sometimes they need to be swatted. Our rule in our home is 1 min per a year of age for time outs and no more then one smack per year of age.