personality disorder and low moods to try and achieve the hopes and dreams i want. when id rather emmegrate to some unknown small town in america, build a new life. find somebody nice. a nice girl. a nice home. my own house. a good job, feeling happy and secure. but no, this can only ever be a pipe dream to me..instead im trapped in an existance i dont want to be in. and ill no therell come a cut off point where itll be to late. im already 29. ive suffered with mental health problems since i was 15. ive never ever worked. got any qualifications. never had a steady girlfriends or had any friends..i live in a small flat on sickness benefits and live an isolated life. this isnt the life i wanted..or dreamed of..but im stuck with it..no ones gonna throw me a life line.i hate my flat. hate my loneliness.hate my moods. hate being on benifits.hate being in britain.hate my lifes drifting no where..when id rather be somewhere else with security. with a completly different life. so what do i do?
2007-03-01 20:39:32 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
It must be awful for you at the moment. You sound so low.
Unfortunately the only person who can make improvements in your life is you.
A lot of people feel similar to you, they may be house bound due to disability. There are many lonely people.
Try looking for free meeting places, or maybe do a couple of hours voluntary work a week, don't think it will affect your benefits.
You can't see a way out of this at the moment but if you hunt around your area you may find something. Take little steps and see how you go.
Wish you luck.
2007-03-01 20:52:36 · answer #1 · answered by Ilkie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to give more info on your mental health and any treatments you've tried.
Sorry but moving country is totally out of the question at this stage. You also have to remember most people don't like the country they're in and want to move (especially to america)
There are qualified people trying to move to America and find it near impossible. So no offence but you wouldn't be able to do it, that's IF you somehow managed to get a visa to allow you to go in the first place.
What is it that America has that you want?
The other things you listed like a nice girl, nice house etc all take time and most people (like I said earlier) dream of those things. It's normal.
However you need to find some way to get out because you probably realise you can never start a relationship if you don't leave the house. All the stuff you listed are BIG things.
I would suggest starting to work on some small things first. Is there anything you like to do? Anywhere you can go to just get out of the house for an hour or so a day.
Since you're on benefits you will be entitled to help to train you for a job or pay for education, you can even do it at home.
Also this is about what I said earlier too, you CAN'T go to America anytime soon because you won't get benefits anymore (and for about 3 years after you get back if you decide to come home)
If you think your life's bad now imagine it without that. Then you would be totally stuck.
All I can say is research all about what's wrong with you and try all the treatments. Ask other questions specifically about your symptoms, how exactly you are limited and what do people suggest for individual things.
Also do you have any family or anyone at all that is/can support you ?
We need more info!
2007-03-02 08:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Fluffy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you! I'll throw you a life-line!
Sounds like everthing's building up! One thing, after the other, never sorted, just there in your brain confusing & bringing you down.
What happened age 15 to give you such low self-esteem?
What, in particular, is it about your flat that you dislike? (I reckon you're darn lucky to have a roof- so many don't).
At least you can get some money to live on! (I can't get any benefits!) That means you are, at least, surviving, right?
You are at that "hump" stage, when you need to clear the hurdles caused by your child-hood. & you can jump over those with relative ease if you believe you can.
What makes you think USA gonna be better 4U?
Anything you can do there, you can do here.
You just gotta get a workable plan!
Best way to do that (i.e. break FREE!) is to develop an INTEREST in life. Find something to do that's fun & rewarding & stimulating!!!
If that involves going to college, GO! Come what may- think POSITIVELY, slog your guts out if needs be, but set yourself realistic goal/s & GET THERE!
As for a girl / friend - hey! There's lots of opportunities to meet people these days & when you're feeling happier, you'll be so much more confident & that will solve that problem. Use the net to great advantage, till then!
Join some groups!
Get a job! Look for something part-time, to begin with. Anything (within reason!) Ask for help at the Job Centre.
You're only 29, you have a full life ahead if you want that.
So hang in there, don't give in or give up! Have FAITH there is a better life waiting for you, within your grasp.
And before you go to sleep at night, clear all your negative thoughts away from your poor brain, by simply reminding yourself, GOD LOVES YOU. That brings instant relief!
(I know that may sound daft to you, but it does work).
XX
2007-03-02 05:09:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you WANT to do? Make a list of small goals...These are EXAMPLES only, but...
1) I would like some qualifications. being on benefits means you get access to MANY FREE courses in the UK, from GCSEs to IT courses, web design, practical job focussed NVQs etc. Choose something you would ENJOY doing and apply for the course. This would help you with...
2) meeting a nice girl. getting on the course, getting into student life will get you out and meeting people with simialr interests, that's how ANYONE gets a girlfriend.
3) getting the practise of studying and socialising and the skills in the qualification will set you up for GETTING A JOB
4) This will help you GET OFF BENEFITS and IF you really want it
5) APPLY FOR A JOB OVERSEAS
break down what you want into small manageable goals. having a mental health problems needn't mean you can't do these things. I have been bipolar for 16 years, I have spent many months in psychiatric hospitals, spent years on benefits in a horrible flat and now...I am on maternity leave from a management level job, have a partner and a healthy three month old son, a reasonably nice house, and next on MY list is learning to drive. it takes time, and I'll always have the illness, but I am STILL ME, I am still good at somethings and I can do things I WANT.
SO CAN YOU
GOOD LUCK
2007-03-05 05:21:50 · answer #4 · answered by jop291106 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend has been dealing with mental health problems the past few years, he lived isolated. In and out of hospital, he has a 9 yr old daughter who he has full time.
It turned out that only himself could get him out of the misery his life was. He fought to keep his daughter and got himself a job. He doesn't really have many friends at all but socialises at work which does help. He is happy now and as his MIND is busy all the time, the illness does not get a hold on him.
You could be great things if thats what you really wanted. It just takes detemination and a lot of hard work, try and slowly create that life you want so much. Find yourself work and you'll soon be finding the confidence to go out with workmates and you'll meet people. . An idle mind makes for the devils work .
2007-03-02 15:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by curlywurlygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as you said, you have mental problems. Don't rely on the NHS or government to help you out. You need a charity that will help you out. Charities are more responsive to individuals as they don't have a list of people in queues waiting to be treated or counselled. Have you ever thought of doing voluntary work? Whether it's a charity shop or doing the Samaritans phone line, it gets you out and you will meet people. Even working in the soup kitchen or just volunteering in something with the community is always a first step.
Stop hating your life. The more you see it that way the more hate you will have. Make do with what you've got and make it into something good. You have online access, join a chatroom or dating site. You don't have to meet anyone, but it's fun. You can be anyone you want! But just be careful it doesn't get out of hand and scare the person! I met my partner online so I know the benefits.
When you get yourself happy, then start taking bigger steps, but one at a time. After volunteering, you could go to college to do something like a course in counselling, people from the same situations make the best counsellors.
Good luck, we all get there in the end x
2007-03-02 04:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by ~Kitana~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you already made a start my friend.
being so low is a damned horrible life, you got 20 years on me and i suggest you try to change things now, you are young enough to find everything you want in life but there is only one person that can do it....and that is you.
if you are seeing a CPN or shrink, ask them to refer you to the job rehabilitation people, they work with a prospective employer and they can also assist with training courses.
i am currently waiting for this to happen, my motivation is at zero, sometimes cant be bothered to even speak to people let alone do some work....hoping that once i get into the habit of going out to get trained, or even a part time/voluntary job or something will get my motivation back, this will hopefully also help regulate my sleep so should have a knock on effect on everything.
i am heading to 50 year old and am damned if i am going without at least putting up a fight, suicide was upmost in my mind not too long ago, now trying to turn it round a bit.
hope you can too
2007-03-02 16:50:16 · answer #7 · answered by safcian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all rests with you pal! If you can state those ambitions on the net! then why not start doing something about them? Get your self into a training programme that will sort your job prospects out first! land a job, and your on your way to an independent lifestyle away from the Government handouts that you so despise. Then start looking for an overseas position in the country of your choice! Your mental health will improve automatically, as you begin to have self worth and pride in yourself again! Go on pal, start today! all is not lost! And good luck!
2007-03-02 04:56:00 · answer #8 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel for you I have a crappy little one bedroom flat, I have just been laid off for the 7th time in 5 years, but I have a beautiful girlfriend, im 31 and a couple of years ago I was really low, when I was alone. You have to change things in your life and set some realistic goals, i am at the moment studying JAVA programming in my spare time which I pay £20 a month for, thats what you need to do, push yourself forward and start making somekind of social circles makes new friends etc, - A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES STARTS WITH A SINGLE STEP!!
2007-03-02 04:49:22 · answer #9 · answered by SCOTT B 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get a grip - your posting is dripping with self pity - use your anger to do something with your life and stop making excuses. If you hate your life so much do something about it and you might find you get happy. Right now you want everything but are not doing anything to get it - and you are right nobody is going to hand you it on a plate. Now you are only 29 take your life back.
2007-03-02 05:33:10 · answer #10 · answered by LillyB 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋