My ex of 8 mths broke up with me 1 mth ago. We reached a situation where that was probably for the best because she was adamant her unhapiness over the previous 1 mth was caused by our relationship. That coincided with her suffering from depression which I thought was causing her to be negative about us. She refused to accept this despite her dr saying she was depressed, giving her meds & referring her for counselling (which she says she won't do).
I decided to give her some space and haven't contacted her for 3 & a half weeks. We last spoke 2 days after the break up. She said that "it would be nice to see me when I'm ready" and we agreed to meet after a couple of weeks. I haven't contacted her & she hasn't contacted me.
I have been clear for a few weeks that I want to try & get her back. That is why I decided on no contact, to give her space. I am not sure when to contact her!?
I want to try & get her back but know if I push too much she will pull away
Any thoughts people?
2007-03-01 20:31:33 · 10 answers · asked by bepositive1976 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let her contact you. Being a woman it is surprising she hasn't broken and rang you already!!! This could be seen as a bad sign. She wasn't depressed because of you was she? Dont know but I would be thinking there is more going on than " space ".
2007-03-01 20:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by karena k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very considerate and understanding person. Depression is difficult to understand when you havent been through it yourself. I suspect that she has had to pare down the things in her life in order to handle things for herself, and you have been a very decent human being by letting her have space to deal with things.
I would recommend that you write her a letter, without any big emotional declarations. Just re itterate that you are there for her if she she needs you , and painful as it may be to you, you must then try and get on with your life. I am not saying that there is no hope here, what I am saying is that once you put the ball back in her court, she can then do what she feels comfortable with. Giving her the choice will empower her and let her see you not as 'another' complication to what she may perceive as a fraught time, but someone who understands that she needs to have time and space to tackle her situation. Letting her know you are a friend will engender trust and potentially build a way back for you both.
2007-03-01 20:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by The Real Mrs Incredible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only way you help her is to be a very good friend right now. until she understands through counseling that it is mandatory that she takes her meds consistantly, she is not at her fullest potential to pursue any relationship. depression puts a person in a self consumed coccoon of hopelessness and despair. and there is a thin line between being a boyfriend and an enabler, and you dont want to become the latter-she will substitute you as her counselor and meds regimen and you will be miserably on the emotional rollarcoaster that she is riding right now.
read up on her type of depression as much as you can, to understand what she's experiencing, so you can be open to any discussion she may have with you about what's going on with her (not to doctor her but to educate yourself to recognize her triggers, or warning signs of possible mood change). support her treatment plan. if she requests it, attend one of her counseling sessions (but let her decide that one only-otherwise she may feel like you're pushing yourself on her) and as she stabilizes, then you and her can discuss "yalls" future, if that's who you really want to share your life with.
PS. never, ever, call her crazy or mental in the heat of an argument. you may lose her if you do. there is such a stigma that is associated with emotional disabilities, and it is a serious disability that is not always viewable by sight, but is the brunt of many crude jokes.
best wishes.
2007-03-01 20:43:52 · answer #3 · answered by D.... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I would think i would wait at least 1 month before seeing her. Call and make a date with her and take her out somewhere nice. That way you both can enjoy being together and see where you both stand. A person with depression is very hard at times to deal with.If you think you can handle the mood swings she will have,i say go for it then. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-03-01 20:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u feel that its the right time call her and say that u would like to meet her for a chat ... if she is ready she will meet u if not tell her to get in touch with u as soon as she feels its the right time !
good luck
2007-03-01 20:37:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait another week and then give her a call ask her if she wants to try again if she says no let her go
or ask someone you both know if she has moved on and if she has let her be
2007-03-01 20:40:35 · answer #6 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you do see her, get her flowers and chocolate. Seriously, it's the best thing.
2007-03-05 02:36:02 · answer #7 · answered by Insomnia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you could just send her a simple text
"hi, how are you, what have you been up to? xxx"
xxx
2007-03-01 20:57:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is speak to her I guess.......but be aware that there is a chance it might be over.
good luck
2007-03-01 20:37:11 · answer #9 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be patient. and be ready.
2007-03-01 20:52:51 · answer #10 · answered by jj23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋