Should I give up everything for him? soooo confused?

Question

Alright, heres the story.

3 years ago i met this guy online. We've been talking online and on the phone ever since. We'd sometimes talk about dating but we werent really serious since we'd never met each other.

We finally decided to meet. I found that I really liked him, and he liked me too. The problem is, he lives several states away and he's not willing to move. He wants me to move there.

He's not always nice, sometimes hes a jerk, but he says that'd change if I moved there to be with him

Should I give up everything and move there? Or should I stay here and find someone I like. Sometimes I want to date him, sometimes I dont, but every time he talks about liking another girl, it breaks my heart (even when Im mad at him and dont wanna date him at all)

What should I do..?

Answer 1

If you are asking what you should do, it seems as if your heart isn't in this. Also, "sometimes you want to sometimes you don't" indicates that your heart isn't into a committed relationship. You also said you "liked" him. I am assuming this is past tense and I also noticed you didn't say that you love him or that he loves you.
A true loving relationship isn't about what one person wants. It is about compromises and what is good for both of you not just one of you. Also, have you researched the state you would be moving to on your own? This is important because naturally this guy will make his home state out to be heaven on earth. You need to do some research on your own about colleges and tech schools (if you want to go to school), employment, climate, and whether or not it would be a good place to pursue your own hobbies and interests.
A loving relationship should not be so consuming that you have to give up "everything". You cannot live your life for someone else or get so caught up in a relationship that you don't have time for yourself, your hobbies, and your friends.
"That'd change of I moved there to be with him". If he is a "jerk sometimes". He should want to change with or without you there. Do you believe this??? Odds are he will probably change for a few weeks and when the newness of the relationship wears off he will be back to the same old person.
This relationship's instability and your own doubts about it and relocating lead me to believe that you shouldn't. After all, if the relationship would end you would be away from any friend and family support. Just tell him thanks but no thanks that you have a lot of doubts and need time alone to sort them out and do what is best for you. This will also give him time to do what he has to do to change himself to be less of a jerk. If he truly loves you he will respect that and wait for you. Keep this little poem in mind:

If you love something,
Set it free.
If it comes back to you,
It's yours.
If it doesn't,
It was never meant to be

Answer 2

As in pretty much all new relationships, we wear masks and put on our best performances until the mask falls off and we see who we're really with. Sometimes it takes days weeks or months for the real person to emerge. I think if you move to be with him, you may see a much bigger jerk than what you see now. Dating someone and living with them are two totally different things.

Depending on how much of a jerk he is, how much you are willing to put up with (and lose in the long run) if you move to be with him. Could you live with him being the jerk he is now? I think you'll find the key to the answer you seek in that question. He says he's going to change...of course he is...just as the leopard changes its spots. If he says he's willing to change for you, but not for himself, then I doubt very much he's worth it. Trust me he's probably going to turn around to you one day and ask you why you're trying to change him! People rarely change overnight and I hope I'm wrong when I say you could be waiting a long time for him to shape up.

I won't tell you what to do, but just to say let your female intuition be your guide. I think your intuition has already raised some red flags already. If you move to be with him, make sure you have an exit strategy (eg money, a place to stay etc) planned in case you need to leave permanently. All the best and good luck!

Answer 3

Well as someone who moved 2000 miles to be with someone,(it work for 6 years, a marriage, and a child then fell apart) You have to look to see if there is something eles to where he lives; a good school, a good chance at a job, or something that is there for you. You can try a compromise, that you both move to somewhere else. but I telling you the jerk part isn't gonna change, or at least not the way you want it to. He is on better behavior when it is long distance. it is hard, but either one of you moves, or you both need to move on.

Answer 4

no . that is a big thing to do and he doesnt sound worth it and u dont know him as will as u would if u had met him and keept on meting him.and if he was inlove with u then he would move out where u are at to be with u . he might actual like u but if u did move to be with him and u and him did actual date then what if he ends up dumping u , u will feel hert and u will also feel like an idiot cause u moved all the way there to be with him and he wasnt even all that great and u wasnt really all that serious about him nor was he about u or else he would move to be with u ,and u will also regret that u moved.

Answer 5

DO NOT MOVE THERE. He's using the distance as an excuse to be a jerk. Take that as a clue. He can't accept responsibility for his actions! This guy seems to be testing how much you're willing to give up for him. On the same token, he's not willing to do the same for you. Relationships are 50/50. Sounds like this guy wants control. By you moving there, he's got it. Question is.. do you want someone to control you?

Answer 6

Don't compromise yourself to this guy. He is taking advantage of you. If he really likes he would meet you halfway. You should ask yourself that can you afford to move accross the world to have your heart broken. Rather find someone at home even if you experience problems you can easily talk to your family and friends. If someone really likes you they should not make idle threats of dating someone else, knowing well it is breaking your heart. At the end of the day it is your decision either you move to another state or stay at home. Make a decision that will make you happy.

Answer 7

From my experience, if he's a jerk now then that's a pretty good indication on what he can be like if you were with him.

I mean think about. He wants you to move and give up your life. To me if someone cares about you, he'll want to join your life with his, not make you give up yours. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn't talk about liking other girls. I mean come on. To me that's a way to make you jealous so you'll move to him. Also, that's a way to control you since he knows you like him.

Move on. Find someone were you live that I'm sure will treat you with respect and not expect you to drop your life to move were he is, because you will already live in the same place and can put your lives together instead of uprooting them.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

if his being a jerk to you now when his actually trying to convince you to move that far away then his not going to be any better when use are close dont leave everything for him especially if your not 100% sure we all have instincts for a reason sometimes it is best if we follow them. make the right choice dont go rushing into anything, once you move you will give up alot.

Answer 10

What should you do? Please step away from your pc. Evidently you have set your self up for a very bad fall. Don't let your imagination ruin your relationship skills. Don't be persuaded to move states away from all you know to live with a person that is abusive on a pc.
Look about you and start dating other people and stay away from a virtual world that has people only seeing it their way.