Girl Friend to Girlfriend?

Question

Well, heres the story behind this. Me and this girl have been VERY good friends for a few years now....ironically, we have opposing political viewpoints, and we really used to hate each other. But then we noticed that was all we didnt have in common, and now we are best of friends. infarct, we have even talked about dating. The thing is, shes shy as hell. She knows that I really do like her as more than just a friend, but she never has anything to say about that, or anything else personal really. Especially in person or on the phone (though I can get her to talk about me and her on aim sometimes). She says that she likes me that way as well, but she is scared to risk out friendship. Also, just for anyone who has ever heard the song "what hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts,
(Lyrics are here at http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/rascal-flatts/what-hurts-the-most-16686.html )
she says that song reminds her of "us". She says that she thinks a long term relationship could work, but...

Continuing on with more than 100 chars :P

But....she says that again, she is scared to risk our friendship, and she "isnt sure if love even really exists". She has a way of seeing the glass half full, IMO. She doesnt think shes pretty, or nice, or anything, but she is the most incredible person I know and just being around her can make the shittiest day amazing. And she says that shes even if it did work out, that she has never seen long term relationships work, and she does have issues saying what she thinks. A coupple of times I have written her notes about how I feel, and a few times she has said she loves me too, but essentially restated why she doesnt think it would work, that she thinks I deserve someone "better" than her, and that she never can tell people what she really thinks. She said she wishes she could say everything on her mind but she cant bring herself to because its like stagefright. She has also talked about us going to prom together next year as "just friends"....

so as to not "risk" our friendship.

Anyway, any girls able to relate to her and possibly explain all this that is so confusing to me?

Answer 1

Okay, I looked at the lyrics and they are honestly telling me that her brain and her heart want two different things. Her brain says it is NOT a good idea and her heart is saying she might want to try.

With a girl like this, you really need to just take control by forcing the situation by kissing her without warning or giving her an ultimatum. Make sure that you are ready to deal with the possibility that her brain will win and she could reject you. This will end your close friendship. Make sure that you look closely into yourself to see if you like her enough to risk that. The question is, CAN you be just friends with her? If no, then do something about it.


GOOD LUCK


Okay...now my girlfriend will talk...

You need to be careful here because she is stating that she doesn't even believe in love or relationships. To me, this shows that something in her life occurred to let her believe that. Maybe her parents really hurt one another.

I used to have a time in my life where I felt that I wasn't worthy of anyone. I pushed people away because I was afraid of being hurt again and I wasn't ready to deal with that. Also, I felt like I couldn't love someone if I didn't know how to love myself. It makes sense.

Do you love her enough to risk getting hurt by her? If you are, then you need to let her know that you want to help her get better (maybe to find someone to talk to)

I had very low self esteem when I met my boyfriend 6 years ago. He became a rock to me, a person that gave me unconditional praise, was a good listener, and was an unbelievable friend. Through him, I felt that it was okay that people had hurt me in the past or that relationships around me don't work out. I knew it was okay because I was willing to work hard enough to make sure that would never happen to me. All it took was a personal decision that I was going to be happy and that I was worth loving. If she does truely love you, then she needs to understand that too.

You know, she may actually think that she would only hurt you, and that she is trying to protect you. Either way, she really needs help!!! If you cannot get through, tell someone else...like a friend, a teacher, a parent...anyone...


Be her rock and she will eventually come around....just have patience:)

Answer 2

Don't force the idea of a relationship on her. I was in a very similar situation before. The quote, "Love is a horrible thing to do to a friend" comes to mind. I was very reluctant in dating him because I knew it would end in marriage or a lost friendship. I finally pursued it because I reached the point where I had to find out. I loved him a lot and it is true that friends do make the best lovers, but my fears came true. Due to outside factors, I did lose my bestfriend but I don't regret how close we became in many other ways. Allow her time to breathe. When she is ready, she will tell you. Just let her know that the option is there.

Answer 3

Well, I'm not that good with advise but I think you could send her a letter with the song "What hurts the Most" on it. (Rascal Flatts ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!) And express to her how much you love her. And tell her that you will wait for how long it takes. Have patience.
I hope it helped and Good Luck!

Rascal Flatts #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

maybe she'd rather keep you forever as a friend than love you and lose you if things don't turn out right

Answer 5

go find a boy and stop polluting the world