I've been with my girlfriend for almost for months now. I love her and she really loves me too. But we fight a lot (as in almost every 2 or 3 days). Most of the fights are because she still wants to hang out with her ex-boyfriends, and now because she said she would stop, but still does secretly. I think she's doing this more out of principle than because she still feels something for them, but what hurts me is that she can't seem to just be honest with me.
I've been thinking about breaking up for both our sakes, but I still love her. I really don't know what to do. Help please.
2007-03-01 19:35:18 · 21 answers · asked by claud_en_ciel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Joshu@, you are right, we already had the "be honest" conversation. She just said that there are things i just don't need to know about her past because all it would do is hurt me. I could deal with that if the past didn't pop up so often, as in the Exs still calling.
2007-03-01 19:42:05 · update #1
To all that mention this. When I said that her hanging out with her Exs bothers me, she said she still wants to hang out with them because "she need friends", although she has tons of other friends, some of which even became my friends.
2007-03-01 19:45:33 · update #2
Some of you seem to assume we are in high school. I'm 22 and she's 23. I'm working and she's doing her masters
2007-03-01 19:51:37 · update #3
Think about why you like being with her other than the fact that you love her. What qualities does she have that you admire? Do you have the same core values? Do you feel that you bring out the best in each other or are you bringing out anger, jealousy, and bitterness in each other? I don't know you guys, so I can't say how strong your relationship is or if you should break up, but think about those questions as you reflect on your relationship. Some people stay in relationships after they've run their course because they're in a fantasy bond, meaning they pretend things are good and they love each other because they want things to be good and to love each other, even when that's not the case, because they're comfortable with each other and scared to move on, be alone, and deal with the change that would be.
2007-03-01 19:45:40 · answer #1 · answered by vallygval 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must ask yourself "Does the good out way the bad" at this point in the relationship. If it does, then perhaps this is the time to allow more communication into the relationship. Let her know that you do not want to control her but there are things that she does that bother you. If she does want to hang out with her ex's, you need to let her know that you do trust her, its just them {or whatever the case} and that you would rather her tell you about it then hide it.
If the good no longers out way the bad, then perhaps you do need to think about ending it. It would be best for you both even though it does not seem like it now.
2007-03-02 03:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by bowieblonde 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you be the better man and get to know her ex-boyfriends. She's with you now, right? That has to count for something in her book. And if she is trully doing it based on her principles then she shouldn't mind. Cos there's nothing to be guilty about.
She might be afraid you wouldn't understand. The idea of a current girlfriend still hanging out with her ex bfs, is hard to accept by most people in general.
It takes two to tango. Be understanding and don't quit trying if you still love her.
Good Luck!
2007-03-02 03:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by sk|TTLes™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her why she has to hang out with 'old flames'
What do they have that you don't?
Its okay to hang out with exe's if you both agree, but lying to your partner is just plain wrong.
How aer you supposed to build trust with each other.
Next thing she will be telling you when she doesnt come home is "Nothing happened, where just friends"
Yeah right.
I would really ask yourself if you could really see yourself in the next 6-12 months still having the same arguements.
If your answer is Yes, well mate, what else is there to say?
I certainly would give her the altermatum.
Stop hanging out with them from today or we're over!!!
2007-03-02 03:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by kriskros54 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Claud, If she is seeing her X and is doing behind your back and then not telling the true.She is not being fair to you at all. I know you love her and she tells you the same,but does she really mean it!!! It's best to move on before you fall deeper in love with her. If she really loved you,she wouldn't be seeing her X behind your back. It's going to hurt you,but in time you will get over it. I am truely sorry that this happen to you. There are girls and guys out there who will break someones heart and not give a damn at all. They just want their way and will walk over anyone who gets in the way. Kick her A S S to the hurb and move on.
A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-03-02 03:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let her go.
If you're four months in, and she can't be honest with you and you don't feel like you can trust her, this spells bigger problems later on down the road unless you fix it or break up. If you really, really don't want to break up, then you need to re-evaluate your own feelings. Do you really distrust her that much around her ex-boyfriends? Would you trust her more if she let you go with her? Maybe one of these days you should ask her to bring you along and maybe you'll see that her ex's aren't really such bad guys. Then you might be more comfortable letting her go hang out with them.
2007-03-02 03:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by Remi Hime 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Man! Break it off. You sound confussed and you sound like you have fear of abandonment (in other words, you sound like you have Fear of being left alone). You need to be at peace with the idea of just being with yourself, learn to love and like yourself. Let her go. Really, break it off. Focus on your own education, don't let her jack up your future. Your education is the MOST important thing. If you have any desire to grow up and become financially stable, then you need to stop being addicted to her. Make you your number one priortiy. BE SELFISH and improve your grades and get away from loneliness. Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely!
The secret to attracking girls to yourself is to Focus on yourself, it's called building equity into your personal skills. Females want security, they want a stable male who has his sh**t together, not a woosy chicken. Work out with weights, take martial arts, get A's in school and tell the other high school jackoffs to go to hell. Make you the most important person in your life. It won't be easy. But you can do it. And, just so you know, High school is the bigest fantasy world there is. You will find out quickly once you graduate high school that NOTHING you do for the rest of your life will be anything like high school. Once you are out of high school, you will need to get a job and survive. Highschool is really a big nursery school. And the sad thing is, if you screw your life up in highschool, you will spend at least 12 years after trying to replace all the lost education.
Good luck, I hope you see the light.
2007-03-02 03:49:27 · answer #7 · answered by BIGDAWG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me that you've already told her about the "not being honest thing" and she doesn't seem to care about what you feel because she'll still do it secretly. If you do break up with her, tell her that you'll take her back when she is completely honest with you and when she'll be as devoted to you, as you are to her.
You can't be completely happy with that in the back of your mind.
2007-03-02 03:39:32 · answer #8 · answered by Joshu@ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... I keep good contact with my exs but that doesn't mean they come first over my current bf. I respect them and thats all I feel for them.
Tell your gf that what she is doing is hurting your relationship and if she wants to continue she should get her priorities right.. If she chooses the ex over you ... well u know what to do
2007-03-02 03:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by loves_nature 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is her name "felicity"?, its ok to hang out with ex if the x's have gf too. but still im not comfortable with it, especially when im not there with them to hang out. Only in soap opera those things works, and most often something happens. Tell how you feel about it and listen what she said, if you think she is sincere give her a chance, but tell her if you find out there is something going on, you will be gone and do it. Women can hang out with thier bf's as thier friend, my q to you, do you hang as a friend a lot? like shopping, go play something like poker or board games, something like friends do, go to the bar with friends. me and bf does it and I don't have to find friends to hang out coz he is always there. eventhough, sometimes you miss your friends but not so often if you both love hanging out together. but i was saying, tell her you are not comfortable with it, if she don't accept it and recognize and find a solution instead of talking about herself. I think she needs to be on her own. goodluck!
2007-03-02 04:10:19 · answer #10 · answered by sure_whatever_29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋