my kids do not listen to me, how do i get them to listen?????????????

Question

I have a 4 year old, two and a hlf year old and five month old. my two oldest never listen to me. even when i put them in time out they laugh, ive tried everything, the only thing that works is getting dad. their dad puts them in time out just like me, but they dont laugh at him? how can i get them to stop walking all over me?

Answer 1

for the 2 year old, start thumping those fingers. for the 4 year old, get them legs!! in order for those babies to understand you mean business, you have to put the fear of God in them! if you start popping them, they will understand that mama aint playing no more. trust me you see a difference!

you aint got to beat the crap out of them, just a spanking will do.

Answer 2

First off, stop getting their dad. Accompany the time out with a logical and really tough consequence, if they are throwing things, first the time out, then they clean and clean and clean. Make them pick up what they threw and everything else in sight. When they ignore you, walk up to them quickly and decidedly kneel and look them in the eyes and tell them again, and what will happen if they don't. They will test you, follow through. My guess is that you have to spend a lot more time yelling from far away while you are trying to cook, take care of the baby etc, I know I have to. They know that you CAN'T make them listen, you are busy, you have to juggle. With mine, also 4 and almost 2, I sometimes have to ignore them for a minute while I get to a place where I can stop what I'm doing and then chase them down and sit them into time out. I bet that if you keep at it, they will listen better in the next months as you are less occupied with the baby. Good luck.

Answer 3

Set up a simple ten-point system, assuming they can both count to ten. (If not, teach them.) Explain to them that when you speak to them, you will start with their names, followed by "listen to me". If they stop what they're doing and pay attention to you, they get a point. Do this separately, so you generate a little competition. Then you will tell them what you want them to do or stop doing. If they obey you, they get a second point. Record the points on a wall chart, one for each kid. When they get ten points - five things done properly - they get a reward, such as a cookie. You could use a thermometer-type drawing along with the numbers so it makes sense to them. Best to get a small eraseable chalkboard for this.

If they don't pay attention to you, they lose a point. If they don't obey you, they lose a point. If they repeat something you have told them not to do, they lose a point. You should practice a few times with them before starting the real thing. When they get a cookie, you wipe the chart clean and start over.

After they've mastered this idea and are following your directions, you can start challenging them with more points needed for the cookie, say twelve, then fifteen, or you can try letting them add up points for a bigger reward. You can judge what they can handle after awhile.

Answer 4

First of all, you are allowing them to walk all over you. You are showing them that they don't have to listen to you every time you pull dad in. Parents have to work together, and he should be there supporting you BEFORE you ask him to take care of it. He should be there telling your children, "You do not treat mommy like that!" By giving up and getting their dad, you have shown them that this is the appropriate behavior towards you. However, your husband has shown them that it is not ok towards him.

More mothers are like this than men. My mother was like this. My mom would beg me to stop throwing a fit in a store for a toy, and when I wouldn't stop, she'd end up buying it for me. My dad, on the other hand, just had to say, "Don't ask for anything while we're here." and we didn't ask for anything. The difference between my two parents was that mom threatened and dad always followed through. If mom put me in the corner, she would give in to my whining and crying. If I ran away from the corner enough, she would give up. Dad, however, would spend as much time that was needed in what was like a stand-off. He showed me that HE was in charge, not me. So, I listened and respected him. . . because he demanded for it. Mom just begged for it.

Hope this helps!!!! By the way, I am very close to both of my parents to this day.

Answer 5

In a traditional two parent family, 1 parent always seems to take on the role of disciplinarian and the other parent, a more nurturing and compassionate role. Do not feel too bad. Regardless, your children should not walk all over you; especially at such a young age.

My oldest was a little spoiled due to GM’s interfering. I stopped that right away. Whenever my oldest challenged my authority, I proved to him that I was the parent (boss). At restaurants or stores, I would allow by wife and other child to remain, while I dragged him to the car and would not allow him to return to the establishment. The challenging stopped pretty quickly. My younger child did not need this done to her, since she was able to see what would happen by witnessing her brother’s experiences. I did spank them occasionally. Not excessively but hard enough to sting. The mere thought of me raising my hands at them is enough to make them both cry. Not from fear of the pain but from realizing they were disappointing me as a parent. They do not walk all over my wife but they do not respond as quickly as when I call. There needs to be a balance between compassion and discipline.

My wife and I have dealt with this same issue and question in our own lives. I then had a long talk with both kids. I explained to them that they would have to deal with me if I ever heard them talk back or not listen to their mother. It did take a couple of talks but they learned.

I am always complimented on my children’s behavior. They are not perfect but other people notice how they do not misbehave. Last year, I asked them where they wanted to vacation and their only limit was within the U.S. They chose Las Vegas. I could not understand why, but they both said they wanted to know where my wife and I would go without them a couple times a year. We took them. While there, on two different occasions, strangers walked up to us at different restaurants and complimented them on their behavior. I know many people would disagree with that environment. I just happen to believe that their ideals and values need to mature while being guided by their parents. They needed to know about the vice that exists in this world and how to react when exposed to it.

Hope this helps. My kids are now 9 and 12.

Answer 6

Pay attention to what their father does when he puts them in time out. Then do it that way. You have to be consistent. The reason your kids don't listen to you is that you probably nag. LIttle kids (and most men) don't care or naggers. They have a limited attention span and while you can stand there and talk for hours they're minds are going to be someplace else.

Answer 7

You need to be looking them in the face and have there Attn and use a firm but calm voice focused on you small children are easily distracted and because they not developed enough the are really only able to focus on one task at a time hope this helps

Answer 8

man i do the same thing to my mom.. harsh really. but the dads are always more scary for some reason. but my advice is to seem more angry, dont hit or anything... keep trying to get at them but that might not help. my mom broke a few wooden spoons over my butte trying to dicipline me but i always laughed.(I dont recomend doing this) I guess its just the kind of relationship children have with theyre mother. they know she'll always be there for them and are probably laughing because they think that you will get over it.

Answer 9

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you say you are going to do.

You only say it once, and then you act.

Put them in time out in the corner, and ignore them. Time out means they stay there for the five or ten minutes you decide. If they laugh, ignore it. They have figured you out and are pushing your buttons. When you stop reacting to them you are back in control.

and don't get Dad to do all the discipline....it just undermines your authority

Answer 10

I've got a 5 year old he dose the same to me the latest thing ı'v done is disconnected the DVD player so he cant see his favourite cartoons and movıes he lıkes and told him if you don't listen to mum ıt wont go back on its been working he listens it goes on ıf not its off. But don't give in or else it wont work on them ever again or do the ignoring don't talk or listen if they get fastrated say you don't listen to mum so she wont listen to you. They work on my boy.

Answer 11

When you put them in time out, leave them on there own (seperated). They won't laugh if no one can hear them. If they leave the spot where you put them, take them back there without saying a word, however many times it takes.
Once there time out is finished, make them apologise or the time out continues.
Don't shout and keep at it because it will get easier.