They said that they were coming, and then my husband and his brother had a small spat (it was mostly his brother), and now they say they are doing something else. How should I respond to this and her e-mail? It does matter. I write down in my daughter's growing up books about all the people who visit her, and etc. I refuse to lie and put them in the book. They are a little bit jealous (it shows) that we have children, even though they just got pregnant. Help!
P.S: It also a celebration of her recovering from Torticollis, a musclar defect!
2007-03-01 17:47:14 · 17 answers · asked by fourcheeks4 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Honestly, I would confront them. It's not your daughter that they're mad at and if she's important to them, they should make a conscientious effort to attend. I would remind them that this is your daughter's party and things she be put aside, and the adults should act civilly to celebrate such a wonderful thing. I had a similar problem and presenting it that way to the person who was doing the same thing reminded them that no, this little baby didn't do anything and to not be there for her (even though she doesn't understand at this point, but would later) wouldn't be right.
Also, you are right that if they don't come to not put them in the memory book. You shouldn't have to lie or cover up for something like that.
Good luck. I really hope things work out. It's such a shame if they would decide to not come to such a wonderful thing because of a spat.
2007-03-01 17:55:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mommy of 2 Girls 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't panic...Breath, breath again.... I know, I went down that road with my in laws also and used to care a lot, to the point we had this little routine where they would do their tricks, I'd get upset with them and ended up fighting with my husband because it was his family.
My advise to you is to forget about them, in a polite graceful manner. You have to remember at all times is your husband's family and he loves them....yes, sorry to break the news... they're also your daughter's family and they should be a happy part of her life. If they don't want to share those special moments simply say that you'll miss them -even if you really don't - and maybe next time. Then resume a peaceful life with the family that should really matter to you, your husband and your daughter bringing balance and love into your home. Good luck.
2007-03-01 18:55:01 · answer #2 · answered by feb_jt4216 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I ditto LadyJag's answer. It's not your daughter they are mad at -- they are doing this to upset YOU and your husband. Don't let it. Express your feelings and say that your daughter will be disappointed not to have her whole family there, but if that's how they feel...you'll have a piece of cake for them.
We didn't have the whole family at my son's first b-day (not because of a feud...it just didn't work out) and I just made a point to emphasize those that couldn't make it in OTHER parts of the baby book. Don't let it ruin your party...as your extended family grows, I'm sure there will be other special days that not everyone can attend. But they are still special days!
2007-03-01 18:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by java girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to look at the bigger picture here.First your daughter is not going to remember who is at her party. So u need to remember that what u say in this email can effect your relationship for maybe the next birthday. So be polite and let her know how much u were looking forward to her coming. Tell her u will understand her decision even though your very disappointed. Good luck
2007-03-02 00:17:32 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let them get over it... don't lie in her baby book, there is no need. If they want a relationship with your daughter, then they need to put forth the effort. As long as they know they are welcome to come see her and be with her at anytime, then it is up to them to meet you half way. They will get over it, and if they don't, then they're the ones missing out.
My dad did something similar to my son on his first birthday. Because I was having it at my brother's house whom my dad did not get along with, he refused to come. Then he would try telling me that I kept him from seeing his grandson. No one had a problem with my dad coming, and I sent him the invitation and even told him I'd come pick him up and drive him home if that was the case, but he made up every excuse not to show. The drive is too long, he has to work around the house, he wasn't feeling well, he didn't have money for a gift, he didn't want to get in the way... etc. etc. I simply told my Dad he was welcome to come and I would love to see him there, but he never showed. It hurts, yes, but it's their choice. You just be thankful you have your little girl with you and you are able to celebrate her first birthday together. Enjoy it! Congrats, and God bless!
2007-03-01 17:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by Christina 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just say "Sorry to hear you are unable to attend [your daughter's name]'s special day. We will miss you, but understand that you have other priorities that take precedence."
The end. Don't put their names as in attendance, but don't call attention to their absence in your daughter's book, either. If they want to be selfish, there's really nothing you can do about it. Personally, I'd rather they didn't come anyway, if they're going to bring bad and jealous vibes with them and make the rest of the guests uncomfortable.
Congrats! I hope they do not prevent you from enjoying the party!
2007-03-01 17:54:46 · answer #6 · answered by LadyJag 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
They are obviously immature and need to grow up. I would put in your email that even though they had a fight, it would be important to your daughter if they were there. They should be able to put aside any differences for her. If not, drop it, because once they are parents they will realize how important these little "events" are.
2007-03-02 00:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely, more bad things might result if you try to pressure in some more. Leave them alone. It is their fault for not attending, and they will regret it.
Sounds vicious, but sometimes, aggressiveness is needed to show how immature a small little fight can result into something that can spoil something so important.
2007-03-01 17:55:56 · answer #8 · answered by Live Laugh Love 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody remembers their first birthday. Are you afraid that your daughter will somehow sort this out in her head years from now and resent her uncle? As years go by, you will wear yourself out covering up every little conflict.
2007-03-01 18:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by The man in the back 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I doubt your daughter will remember whether they came or not. Respond nicely, we'll miss you...please come if plans change. Be the bigger person. Don't act foolishly and for heavens sake. Is it really worth it?
2007-03-01 17:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by melvinree 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋