Do you have 7 children?Do you share sibling jealousy as I do?

Question

I have 7 children ranging in age from 24-5 who call me mom.5 are natural and 2 are step-but should be mine because i have cared for them since their mother left 20 yrs. ago.6 of them are 15 and above.1 is 5.the older ones say that she is spoiled.She has her own room,she has lots of movies,dvd's-no video games like x-box.She has a V-Smile.She has a portable dvd player because I travel alot.why does that make her spoiled?they had Atari,Nintendo,Super Nin.,Segas,etc.,movies,their own tv.'s and cd players,bikes, movie theaters and allowance.the 5 yr old just started to get allowance and they are pissed.my 5 yr. old is more willing to help me do anything compared to what they wanted to do,but she is spoiled?Am I wrong?I am grateful to this 5 yr. old,I think she knows more about caring for people than worrying about what her older siblings have.I LOVE all of my children,but my 5 yr. old is more grounded to life and I can't tell my other children that.I can't hurt them like that.their good 2.

Answer 1

My husband is the eldest of seven (he is 32). Six boys and one girl. THEY ALL complain that the girl is spoiled because she is the youngest (20) and I am sure naturally because she is the only one of her gender in the bunch. She attends expensive medical school and none of the others have. She has more clothes and friends over. She has more attention from her mother. My husband hasn't really said he is jealous he has completed a double master's degree in his ambitions and is doing well enough. But I think that its a normal thing for others to be jealous. After all, the baby usually gets the most attention and in most cases has the most secure environment as well as your basically a pro at handling things once you've learned from so many other previous children. It is true s/he is getting more in ways that they will never have. But you should remind your other children that you learned so much from them and that their littlest sibling wouldn't be quite so lucky otherwise.

Answer 2

I don't have 7 children, but I've got four. The three oldest often complain that one or another of the others somehow has a better life. That really annoys me, but I'm pretty sure its normal. When my kids complain "it's not fair!" I ask them "what injustice has been done?" It doesn't sound like your youngest is spoiled or have more than your other kids did. Even if it does hurt their feelings, the others should be told that your youngest's willingness to help out earns her some extra privileges.

Answer 3

I am one of seven. Our ages range 35-17. I am 25 only two younger than me. The youngest (17) grew up mostly as an only child because us older kids all grew up, moved out (young 18) and are all now starting and have families of our own. So the age gap between him and my younger sis is only 6 years so naturally they have the closest relationship. We grew up as a group of 6 then along came a baby, and that is what he was to us pretty much untill about just recently. We had a lot of natural sibling rivalry (between us older kids) growning up, which included jealousey (and still does sometimes). We all understand that our brother has grown up different than us. For instance, My dad's career was not as high paying then as it is now, My mother stayed home and raised us she went to work PT as a CNA when I was in high school, then FT closer to when I graduated (2000). She also cooked home-made dinners, we took family vacations all together and we all had a sibling close in age sort of like a best friend. My brother lives and lived different than that, as we got older "Family vacations" got smaller in participants each year until now he is the only child that goes. My mother worked through his elementary years and now High School years. My father now has an incredible income and not 6 other mouthes to feed. My brother never lived with hand-me downs, sharing a car or a room.He went to a private elementary school. He also lives in more of a high tech time. Yes, he has his own lap-top, i-pod, digital camera, he also got a 4-wheeler for out at my parents cabin. They now have a jet ski and an RV. He has grown up being more "spoiled" than us. We never had anything that compared not even a game system. We look at it more like he is an only child and is growing up that way. He also is very smart (none of us compare) he is recieving letters from MIT, Browne, and many other top universities. We are all very proud of him and always have been. The only person I think who feels jealousey about him is my 32 year old brother (they are the only boys) Which has to do with intelegence because my older brother is smart too, but does not compare and didn't have as musch oppurtunity as does our younger brother.
So you see from a childs point of view what that can feel like to the older kids. They seem to be having a hard time understanding that your position in life is changing, they are growing up and not realizing she is being raised as an "only CHILD" she does not have the sibling interaction that they had and so yes she gets to have her own room (no one to share it with) yes she gets new toys (hand me downs are just to old now) yes, she has a great personality (she is loved) It is natuaral for your older children to give you a hard time, they may be feeling that they have gotten the short end of the deal. Im sure it is a certain child giving you a harder time than the rest. Which ever children it is, you will know who and how they are feeling. I think you should give them a private talk about how it is. She doesn't have a playmate, she will grow up a lot more lonely. Sure it may SEEM like she is geting better things, because she kind of is, things are nicer now than they used to be. She likes to help out around the house more than you (the older child) because she gets gratification from beign mommys helper, she wants to because it is a way of her and you (mom) to be friends.
I think if you examine the situatuion and have the right conversation with each child you will see that they are not necesarily jealouse, just feeling short handed. It is ok, they are allowed to FEEL however they feel, but it may help to shed some reality on the situation. They also will like knowing that you notice how they are feeling and knowing you are not favortizing the baby.
Sorry, this was so long but it isn't a simple issue and I wanted you to see a childs point of view from a simialr situation. Good luck! You sond like a very loving mother.