Do I have a reason to be upset with my mother ?

Question

It is two days away from my babies first birthday party, and I have planned a huge birthday bash and have flown in all my relatives. Then come to find out my mother had gone and sugessted to my sister that she should get married the night of the party. I have paid for all the plane tickets and hotels for this party. and my mother told me that it was just convient for everyone. Meanwhile my sister has lied about her whole life to the man she is marrying and I totally dont agree with the marriage on any day not just the day i planned for my baby.(I know he wont remember but as a mother i can't reSiSt.) Do I have a reason t be upset with my mom?

Answer 1

When you pay peoples way dont expect thanks or gratitude. People are self centered and only care about themselves. Next time dont spend so much on other people. Save it for your kids education.

Answer 2

Being the youngest of four siblings I have seen my mom make some tripped out decisions also but as I get older and more understanding I realize she has good intentions that don't always get approval for selfish feelings. I think your mom knew that you would not be happy with your sisters marriage and it would stir up a lot of problems within the family, that's why she told her to get married while you were pre- occupied with your child first birthday party! When you thought you had good intentions by buying everyone tickets you never took in consideration what anyone else had to do! I was told the child should only have as many guest @ thier party too how many years they celebrate their birthday because they really can't interact with a lot of people until they get much older! So the answer to your question NO be made @ yourself !

Answer 3

Hun dont be too hard on your mom. Maybe she suggested it because then everyone will be here for your sister's wedding after the party. Besides, the party wont last the whole day so why not let your sister get married the evening. Just think that your son will have many more birthday parties(God willing) but your sister will only get married once (hopefully,God willing).I know that your baby will only have 1 one year old bday,and although you dont agree with your sister's marriage, it is her decision afterall..dont let your anger affect her happiness.I do think that your sister can atleast compensate you for some of the flight fares as the guests are there for her too...Being angry will create two bad situations, rather compromise and the day can turn out beautifully..Your babies birthday will be your sister's anniversary..look on the bright side.

Life is too short to live with grudges. Blood is thicker than water and you have to accept that they will not fit in with our plans sometimes..Good luck

Answer 4

Your mother should have asked you first but it is in the past now so although you're still annoyed you need to sort things out for your son's sake, children sense when their mother is stressed / unhappy etc. Talk to your sister about what will happen and compromise also suggest she should help with the costs for the plane tickets and hotel, as she is obviously going to benefit with all the family around her. Do not let you anger get the better of you by blurting out why you don't think she should get married and the lies your sister has told. That is her business.

Answer 5

Yes you do have a right to be upset but would you want your child to see you upset at your Mum or sister. Family friction doesn't help. There will be other birthdays even more special think of that wish your baby a happy birthday from Nanny Scotty Your Mum and sister should go halves I am a softie and would probably pay for it all.What ever you decide family is family you can chose your friends not family. put a good face on it rise above it. Enjoy the birthday and wedding let your sister have it on her counsience(probably haven't spelt this right but at this time of the morning you know what I mean) what goes around comes around you will just have to be there for her when it does, thats what families do for each other. Hope it works out for you and your baby.
Best regards

Answer 6

I just want to say that I completely understand the big bash for a first birthday, although I wouldn't fly people in for it, even if I could afford it.
A child goes through so much in it's first year. It has to be born. Traumatic, I'd say, for the child. Then they have to get used to the outside. Then they are forever poked and prodded with injections for the first year. They have been thrown into the deep end and survived, with your loving care. A cause for celebration for a tough year. I probably wouldn't go 'big' again until maybe the 13th birthday.
Anyway,I just wanted to add that to your other responses and as for your question, I cannot agree more with answerer Candy K.
Excellent and wise response.

Answer 7

you paid for hotels and everything for a babies forst birthday? That was really generous of you! Well, I guess it was a bit insensitive - have you told her how you feel? I think you should, or it will turn into one of those on-going, seething problems. Just point out that you made a real effort here and now some people won't be there.
I wouldn't get involoved in the sister lying thing though, its her marriage and her relationship and that could be disasterous for everyone.

Answer 8

I don't even know anyone and I'm mad! LOL Yes its very convenient because you arranged it and paid for it! Ask mommy to go halves on air fare and hotels and the party. I think I'd feel better if it were me. I know you wont do that so yes, to keep it simple, yes you have every right to be upset!! I just love what the other poster said. "Be upset for five minutes." That sounds so healthy and uncomplicated. No big hassles to have to hash out for years and years. Smart poster.

I just wanted to add too that everyone that you've arranged to be there also knows the story. That this was all supposed to be for your sweet baby. So they are all watching you to see how you handle it. Be a woman with grace and dignity. Let them leave thinking you are a woman of class and someone to be admired. What a great opportunity that came out of this! Now everyone will get to see just who you really are. Good job. Pray for strength! =)

Answer 9

Be upset for five minutes. Then realize that she is who she is and you can't change her. you can only change how you react to her.

You now have two choices....throw a fit and ruin both the party and the wedding.

Accept the fact that it is going to happen. Swallow your pride and be present and cheerful at both celebrations.

You have no say who your sister marries. It is her decision. If you block this you will be no better than your mom or your sister.

Your baby isn't the center of the universe. Celebrate her birthday, then celebrate the wedding. And please don't have a chip on your shoulder. It will hurt you and your baby more.

You mom should of discussed this with you, but she isn't capable of being that thoughtful. So, you can choose to start a major family fight that could go on for decades. Or you can shrug your shoulders and say geeeesh......then go to the wedding and smile. This isn't about you. Don't make it that way.

Unfortunatly we can't choose our family. They will disappoint us all the time. We didn't creat it, we can't fix it and we can only control ourself.

Good luck. Make this a happy time. In the long run your son will be happier for it.

Answer 10

Two questions:

Did she know about the date of the birthday party before she made the suggestion?

Does your mother know about the lies you sister has told?

If either is yes, then you have a reason to be upset with your mother since she either knowingly disrupted you child’s birthday plans or knowingly supports your sister getting involved in a marriage based on lies.

If not, then I don't think you have a reason to be upset.

Answer 11

where are these ppl "flying " in from and how far are they?...you sound selfish. why not kill 2 birds with one stone, since the family will be there anyway. whateva ur sister has done in the past is her own business. she chose to get married and whateva she has told her hubby -to-be is her business as well...i think ur just a spoiled brat and u dont really like ur sister. dont blame ur mom. what ur if sister really thought of the idea or anybody else thought of the idea to do it when everybody was there already..it obviously made sense. if ur sis gave u half the money, would u feel better about it?probably not cuz ur a brat...grow up.