Why would my boyfriend(ex) keep breaking up with me and than calling me to take him back? I love him and it tears me that he is not sure of our relationship. It happened again 2 weeks ago. This time around, I told myself that this is it. It hurt so much, but I tried to forget him. He kept calling me for a week but I didn't answer. Finally I gave in this passed Monday. We talked. He said that he loves me and would like things to be back same way. I said we will need to talk about it. I was going to meet with relationship counsellor today, so I proposed that he could come with me, but he didn't (work). So, I told him that the counsellor wants to see him individually and he should make an appointment. He didn't seem to keen on it. I spoke to him this evening, and he was more quiet than on Monday. I asked him, what are his thoughts...His response? He doesn't want to rush, he needs to think through.etc.
I am confused......Why is he so unsure of this relationship? I have been supportive
2007-03-01 16:10:51 · 22 answers · asked by krusa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One of U might be right. He feels like he can. What's the way to break this vicious cycle? Is it just a game to him? The worst part is, for me to do it, I would need to really seperate myself physically and mentally from him, and I am afraid that there is no way back. Where possibily I went wrong with all this? Is it recoverable in any way?
2007-03-01 16:18:36 · update #1
Thank you Everyone for your thoughts. I hate the idea of how things turned out, but I realize that I haven't done anything wrong, and it is true, that he's got issues. I have been too nice, too tolerant and giving. I need to become more assertive. One thing that I am wondering is....I thought I did set up the boundries...but he broke them, and I gave him additional chances as I thought it can happen to anyone. If you would have any additional comments/ strategies on how to get through this process, I would love to hear them. Thank you.
2007-03-01 16:30:30 · update #2
Sorry honey...your boyfriend keeps breaking up with you because you keep going back!
He does not love you. This is not what loves looks like. As much as it may seem like it...it is not.
Counsellors are great for 2 people are willing to work on the relationship at the same pace and need a little extra help. So many people use counseling as a magic pill theory...and it is not so. Be in counseling for yourself...but don't even try and pull in a partner who doesn't want to be there and make it all about their problems. They don't really and truly want to be with you for the long haul. Period. And life goes on.
The dude...is not committed based on his response or lack thereof to counseling. He is also not committed based on his breaking up/getting you back history. That is not committed...it is addiction to excitement and turmoil.
"doesn't want to rush, needs to think things through" is man code for....'forget it....!!! I'll weasel my way around this one...just as long as I can keep her in my bed".
Wake up sweetie. Find a man who loves you for you and doesn't think that love equals pain. A man who is committed doesn't break up all the time.
We teach people how to treat us. Next time...break up for good!
But the book by Greg Bernhardt "He's Just Not That Into You" and/or "It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken".
Good luck!
2007-03-01 16:21:58 · answer #1 · answered by kallie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy may have some personal issues where he wants you but it might be a bad time. Or maybe you are just a good ego booster. Whatever the case you deserve much more. If he can't do what it takes to work out differences now he never will and as long as you allow it it will continue. Cut the line now. In the end you'll thank yourself and wonder what the h_ _ll you were thinking.
2007-03-01 16:16:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He could be breaking up with you so that he can see other women without 'cheating' as it may be. That way when there's a girl he wants to be with he can say, 'No I don't have a girlfriend," and consider himself as being honest. Either way, he's treating you like a yo-yo and taking you on an emotional rollercoster ride. You don't need that. He's insensitive to your needs and your feelings. Drop him and do it now. It may hurt for awhile, but then one day you'll wake up and he'll just be a memory, without pain. You know you deserve better. We teach people how we want to be treated by showing them what we will put up with. He already knows what he can do to you and he's only thinking of himself. Kick him to the curb, you can do better.
2007-03-09 09:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by sustasue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some men like cars, some men like video games, some like football. As long as there's something to play with. Guess what you are.
Get a spine and set some boundaries and make them stick. Be hard nose with him. Give him ten tests. If he fails, don't take him back. But you already know the answer, don't you?
2007-03-01 16:16:12 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has some kind of guilt issuse. Just end it, and don't take him back. Your a stand-by. Sorry, but if he can hurt you deeply, repeatedly, and than not even a week after trying to get you back, tells you he doesn't want to rush it, has problems. He doesn't respect you. He'll just keep doing the same things he did before.
2007-03-01 16:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by land-pliskin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't want to do anything with someone who doesn't want to do something with you.....it's simple.
You need to know that you are the prize.....and if it isn't his prize to unwrap somebody else will come along and love the present.
Relax....excercise...eat properly and say a little prayer whenever you start to feel sad.....at the center of your core is the light of the universe....feel it.....it's very cool and it doesn't ever hurt you.
People hurt people because people let them....
Be strong
and learn to tell a few jokes....about ex-boyfriends.
Things will pop
2007-03-01 16:19:26 · answer #6 · answered by Michael Timothy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready for the kind of relationship that you want, but he wants you in his life. He wants to have a relationship based on his terms. I am going through a similar situation and I have decided to let it go. I think you should follow your instincts and try to cut the ties. It will be hard, but you will make it through! Good luck.
2007-03-01 16:16:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes 2 to tango! You wouldn't want or need a man whose not sure of you to begin with. My advise it's best to leave him alone and do not allow him to keep treating you like crap, cuz you're not! Second of all , you had showed him and encouraged him to better your relatioship by seeking help and he's unresponsive and not showing any passion about it, so sister my advise, "DROP THE ZERO AND GET YOU A HERO! Amen!
2007-03-01 16:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
becaue he does not know what he want or how he feel about the
realtionship. but since you have try to get him to talk to a counselor and he make excuse , then you need to make the
decision that you might need to leave him along. this back
'and forth is not good for any one. just like you stated it hurt
to much then why keep allow him to continue to hurt you.
you desrerve better than that.
2007-03-01 16:17:11 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
inconsistency in a relationship.. very common. sad. i happened to me too. we tried to talk about what we feel and why we feel it, its hard i know, but a good relationship needs real communication. we also tried to figure out what are the things we argue a lot, like hanging out with other friends of the opposite sex, going to bars and hanging out, schedules of going out and things to do. its essential to be innovative about it so the relationship wouldnt be boring. but the best is to help him know what he wants.. with that you can help by letting him know that you`re serious about what you want. and that is to have a meaningful relationship with him, try to be open exhchanging secrets one step. treat him like you`re bestfriend. in no time he will open up and hopefully things will get better! goodluck! and continue being supportive!
2007-03-01 16:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋