I am in bit of a dilemma-I need advice One of my close friend's sister (who I am friends with but I wouldn't call her my best friend) is getting married and asked me to be in her wedding, I accepted, everything has been great until now, the bridal party got together and set a date for the shower. two weeks later I found out that I have a family member that is graduating from law school and it is on the same day as the shower. I mentioned it to my "close friend" and I didn't even get the whole statement out and she said "your commitment is to the wedding and I don't want to hear anything different"
Well I felt that was kind of harsh since I just basically brought it up in conversation and I know it's her sister's wedding and she wants the best for her so I kinda shook that comment off. 30 min later I get a text saying that I needed to tell her whether I was going to be a part of the shower by that night. I told her nothing was going to change because I was still contributing to the shower and I did not want the date changed... that I just needed some time to think about my dilemma. well the next day I called my relative and told her my dilemma, she offered to move her party until later in the day so I could attend both. I called my friend back up and she was basically stand-offish and rude towards me.
ok so fast-forward to now.... my "close friend" has told me that she does not want me in the wedding anymore because I seem like I have no interest and that I have totally hurt her feelings. I called her sister and she told me that I was still in the wedding and she wants me to be but if it is too hard for me to stand up because of my "close friend" that she understands
MY QUESTION TO YOU ALL:::
Do I back down because clearly this "not so close friend of mine" is going to make this process a living hell for me (by the way she is the maid-of-honor) or do I suck it up and not care about what she thinks and be there for her sister's special day...
2007-03-01 15:32:13 · 21 answers · asked by nyc_broadway_baby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
In the end, it's not your friend's wedding day. It's her sisters and if her sister still wants you to be part of it and there's no problem with you getting to either event then ignore the stupid cow and go and be there for her sister. You worked it out so you can still fufill both your commitments so it's now resolved, if your friend doesn't want to move on and is going to spoil her sisters big day over something so juvenile then let her. It's not your problem anymore. Just do your thing, be there for your friend and family member and just forget all about that snotty sl*t.
2007-03-01 15:39:20 · answer #1 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like the close friend is being a bit of a "bridezilla" , her sister isn't helping anything either! One person tells you one thing and another tells you something else... you don't know what's going on. Are you in this wedding or not? I think that since you said you were going to be in the wedding that you should still be, but as for the shower.... contribute what you were going to and give your regrets for not being there. I can see if the relatives graduation fell on the actual wedding day- then you'd be obligated to the wedding. But it's just the shower! I just hate when a bride feels like the world must stop for their "special day". Don't they realize that people will be much more inclined to participate if they are treated with respect and if the situation is a bit more flexible? I know I may be coming off as a bit b----y here, I just remember being in a wedding where I was told to organize a shower, help with organization of a second shower for family, and attend a coin shower.
2007-03-01 23:43:25 · answer #2 · answered by K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what it is about weddings. They just drive women nuts.
The bride seems to have her head in the game about this, but your friend is obviously out of her gourd on this whole matter. Its really your call, ultimately. What you have to decide is whether you entered this arrangement for the bride or for your friend - who is now off her nut and unless she comes to her senses in the near future will probably destroy whatever relationship you two have left.
If you think that either your friendship can be salvaged or that attending the wedding would be worth your time, then go to the wedding - because your friend may just be stressing out over the fact that her sister is getting married. If you can't stand to be around your "friend" anymore, then just gracefully back out of the wedding. It sounds like the bride has more sense than the maid of honor does at this moment. In either case, make sure you get her something nice.
Whatever you do, make the decision fast. Plans will have to be made one way or the other and it isn't fair to the bride to keep this decision waiting.
2007-03-02 00:18:40 · answer #3 · answered by Zenrage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you would be missing the shower, not the actual wedding. It was very kind of the your family member to offer to adjust the time so that you could attend both.
Speak with the bride and if she still wants you in the wedding, the both of you sit down with the sister. The bride will need to nicely make clear that she is fine with you attending both your family obligation and the shower and she's happy to have both of you as part of the wedding party. Explain to your friend that it was never your intent to appear "not committed" and you are happy to be able support both her sister, her, and your family member. Good luck.
2007-03-02 00:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by stseukn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who's causing all the drama? And why are you even bothering to address this with your friend? She's not the bride, her sister is. The bride asked you to be in the wedding so she is the one you need to be speaking with.
As for your "friend's" attitude, it really stinks. She seems really shallow and rather defensive. You still have time to back out gracefully, but this is between you and the bride.
By the way, a family graduation is far more important than the sister of a shallow friend. But I am a little biased because I graduated from law school in 1993.
2007-03-02 00:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by Carl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your "close friend" is not a friend at all. I wouldn't worry about her, it's not her wedding. I would talk to the bride about it. If she's cool with it you decision, great, if not, her loose. Being in a wedding is not suppose to take over your life. Stuff happens and family comes first. You can still help with this shower and either come late, leave early or not come at all and attend another one so that you can give her a gift. If she doesn't understand that your family comes first, Call TLC's Bridezilla and stand back and laugh.
2007-03-02 17:27:33 · answer #6 · answered by warriorchic84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the bride's decision, and it sounded like you were saying she was still ok with you in the wedding don't back out becuase of a misunderstanding with the MOH, if it were her wedding it would be a different story. Considering not being at the shower is not that big of a deal, especially if you are still financially and planning wise contributing. Missing out on the actual party of the shower is more your loss then theirs. But anyways, no I wouldn't back down until the bride asks, otherwise you may hurt her feelings too.
2007-03-01 23:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by Katie A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you were able to make your family member change their party to accomodate you to be a part of the wedding. You went out of your way. This friend needs to stop the drama and wake up to the fact that the world doesn't revolve around her. It's about the bride, her wedding day. Let's all be happy for her and get along.
You did more than you needed to and your family member went over the top. Hold your head up. You did the best you could. You make everyone happy!
2007-03-01 23:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I vote you ask the sister what else you can do to help her. I've found a very helpful person to have around is basically a personal assistant for the bride. You help keep her sane-make sure everyone is where they need to be, has their flowers, help with hair emergencies, and anything else the bride needs you to do. That way you can still be a part of her special day without having to have as much to do with maidzilla. Good luck!
2007-03-01 23:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by n2mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knee-jerk reaction - go to the law school graduation! The wedding sounds like chick politics and that is never fun. Graduating from law school (2nd hand knowledge here) is a huge accomplishment, and besides, you could probably go out for drinks afterwards!
2007-03-01 23:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋