plz help???? i dont think i can take much more?

Question

I have been with this really cute and sweet guy for over 3 years now. we have talked about marriage but i dont think we were meant to be together. I know you all are probably saying "well then why the he*l have you been dating him for 3 YEARS" Well everytime I try to tell him i can never get the words out. I will call him and he will be there in a flash and listens quietly but then i dont have the guts to tell him we cant be together. i dont know maybe i do still love hima? maybe we were meant to be together? i am so confused and my heart is killing me. plz help

OH MY GOD!

I he just knocked on the door and he has a ring box in his hands ( i can see him through the window) what do i say when i answer it

Answer 1

Might the problem be that you are settling because you are not sure whether or not you will find someone else? Tell him, end the relationship because the longer you let this lie go on, the harder someone will fall and the more pain it will be for one/both of you. You are not being fair to him or to you. You are keeping both of you from the people you should really be with and wasting so much time. Just speak up. Let him know you are unhappy. Either he will be willing to fix it, or you will just have to cut your loses.

Answer 2

Here's the help: Love is a decision, a choice. Perhaps some premarital counseling might bring the issues out into the open.

The following things are NOT the solid foundation for marriage:
- really cute and sweet
- meant to be together
- going together for a long time

Every one of these things (and more) are insufficient because they are emotional, good-today / gone-tomorrow kinds of things. They WILL change and they cannot last.

Both of you WILL say and do things to offend each other. Each of you will take the other for granted and may notice someone who does not appear to be flawed in the way that currently really chaps your hide. You can take that to the bank. Better use some stronger reasons to hold your marriage together than "meant to be together".

Answer 3

You sound just like me 5 months ago. I had the exact same situation. Know this, love is not a feeling. Love is a decision. When you find that person that takes your breath away you feel like you are in love and that that person is the one, but then after a while, the feeling fades, because people change and feelings change. But in love you decide to love that person no matter what. That means even when you do not want to, even when they start to get unattractive and annoying because that person underneath will be that same person you decided to love. love is when he goes to the store to buy tampons when he dreads it and gets embarrassed by it, or when you sit through games, or wait until the game is over to tell him about your good day. Love is sacrifices, it is not a fairytale. It is hard work. But it is worth it. Is he good to you, do you feel good when you are with him? Has he ever hurt you so bad that his character seemed ugly to you? will he do anything for you? because marriage is forever. if not, then maybe there is someone else. Maybe there are things he does that you cant stand...but do you love him enough to deal with those things? if you cant bear them, then maybe he is not the one, but if your love is deeper than that, then maybe he is, and you just have to work hard accepting him. Many say you have no doubt when you love someone, but that is only because you make a decision to love them.

Answer 4

Girlfriend, 3 years!!!, You know what you want. You want someone to confirm it for you. Do you tell him you don't want him when he is touching you all over your body. You can only make that decision. I think that you are on the verge of really seeing your relationship and this is a new stage of sorts for you. Everyday is not going to be dreamy; sometimes it boring, you can't stand him, you get tired of him, he is ugly some days, other guys are more appealing, etc. etc. etc... These feelings are natural. Love/ deep like is something that you have to work at to keep spicy, if not you will find yourself running into the same brick walls in the future: Different guy same **** syndrome.

Answer 5

Wow...tough situation.

#1, you gotta do what's best for you, and what makes you happy.

While I'm not married, I had an approach to dating that I think may be strange to some. I didn't care for going out with just anyone for the sake of going out. I went out with someone that I could, at some future date, see myself married to. I didn't want to marry someone on the 1st date or anything stupid like that, but I kept the idea in the back of my mind.

If/when I found that I didn't see a future together, I broke it off...why waste time and perhaps miss my ideal mate???

I used this approach when I met my now wife of 10 years.

This approach worked for me...it may or may not work for you. Either way, I hope you're able to figure out what's best for you and that there's a happy ending.

Answer 6

You are the only one who knows if he is the right guy for you. f you doubt he is, it is not fair to him or you to stay together. You both deserved the love that comes from another that has no doubts. If you can't say it, write it down, invite him over, then give him the letter. I know it is hard, but you would be doing the best thing for both of you. My husband left two weeks after our wedding because he had doubts, I wished he would of told me before, but he didn't. Now he is my ex husband and we are friends. He did me a favor by leaving, and allowing me to find someone who would love me forever without any second guessing. I wish you the best of luck. Life is about embracing and releasing. Know when to let go and save your heart and others. God bless. Kara.

Answer 7

Oh sweetie...I'm gonna be blunt here, ok...put on your big girl panties and deal with this. If you feel this way and it isn't something that just popped into your head, then you need to follow your heart. Obviously you care about this person and you don't want to hurt him, but you aren't being fair to him by continuing this. He deserves the opportunity to find someone that really, really loves him. Neither of you should settle just because its easy. You need to tell him the truth, and it will hurt. Its gonna hurt like hell, but then it will get better and you will be thankful that you did it, because one day you will find that person that's meant for you and you'll know....you won't have to question if its right.

Answer 8

You know the answer already. Just do it. What you're doing is putting someone else's feelings above your life. You're not doing him any favors because it's not fair to him for someone who is not in love with him to be with him. Both of you deserve the chance to find the person you are meant to be with. You're keeping that person from finding you because you are tying yourself to the wrong person. Don't waste any more time.

Answer 9

i have been with my bf now for 4 years. about a year ago i went through a phase where i didnt know if i had loved him anymore, i didnt feel the same as i used to about him. i talked to him about it, saying i wasnt sure if i felt i wanted to be together with him anymore. we talked for a long time about it and i realized that because i had been hurt so bad in the past from other men i was scared of him leaving me, i knew we had been together for awhile and if we were going to break up i wanted it to be me leaving him not him leaving me because it wouldnt hurt as bad. he told me he would never leave me and that he wants to marry me, suddenly things felt the same as they used to, i love him more then anything. not sure if that will help you at all. if not i hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 10

He sounds like a good guy to me, and you don't want to hurt his feelings.

Tell him that he's wonderful (friend), and the relationship is wonderful, but that you need a break for a little while and that you should date other people, but still stay friends. Don't marry someone you're not in love with.