Is this how "normal" relationships go?

Question

My fiancee gets stressed out about little things, and then takes it out on me. It's seems like nothing that I do is ever good enough. He always nitpicks about how I screwed up here, and how I bother him there. I love him, but it's so hard to understand him sometimes. I try to leave him alone when he is angry like he asks me to, but then he will come at me wanting to keep an argument going. Is this really how a relationship is? Should I be worried? Am I doing something wrong? Please help!

Answer 1

Here's what you have to do.
Take a really hard look at this man, & ask yourself.
"Do I want to be with him the way he is right now, for the rest of my life?"

So many women that I know married their men thinking that either they could change him, or the state of marriage would change him. The sad fact of the matter is, that nothing will change him unless HE is ready for a change himself.

You know "normal" is a subjective term. Many people could tell you that what you have is normal. But that is not a good enough reason for you to accept things the way they are if you don't want to.

If someone regularly told me I bothered them, or that I wasn't good enough for them, then I would make that a good enough reason to exclude them from my life.
The only thing I can see that you are doing wrong, is that you aren't doing the same. :-)

Answer 2

Honey, nip that in the bud right now. If you don't then I can promise you it will only get worse and progress as he becomes more comfortable in the relationship and sure that you won't leave. I don't know what kind of insecurity issue is responsible for making some men act like this. It is as if they must constantly point out your flaws, whether they are real, imaginary or exaggerated, in order to feel manly and in control in the relationship. Sometimes when a man has no control over other aspects of his life such as at work or whatever this tends to make them even worse at home in their tyrannical effort to control everything and everyone at home. I find it both sad and disgusting and it is to me a serious sign that there are some underlying family issues with his own parents that led him to believe that men are supposed to act this way or that this kind of abuse is somehow both recognized accepted and tolerated by society. WRONG!!!! Put your foot down now and do not let him disrespect you.....EVER!!!! If he doesn't get help for his problem or find a way to overcome this behavior then you might just be better off without him.

Answer 3

This is the start of some serious problems. The fact that he nitpicks about how you screw up and how you bother him is a serious problem. You should end this before it gets worse. It's obvious he has a serious anger problem and should go get it checked out. No matter how stressed out he gets, he should never take it out on you or nitpick about silly things that you've "screwed up on." He's supposed to love and appreciate you. By him doing that is a form of emotional/mental abuse. You should leave him, or at least help him get some help but please be careful.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

It does not sound like your doing anything wrong, but it sounds like he has some anger issues that you need to deal with . This anger might turn into beatings if he seems to be so thirsty for a confrontation. I myself have always been up front in any of my relationships, meaning that I have told my potential partner that I will not stand for mental or physical abuse of any kind.
I think it sounds like he has some low self esteem and he gets pleasure from picking at you so he can stop feeling so bad about himself, but this is not your problem to solve. You need to tell him to get some counselling, first by himself and then as a couple . If he does not agree, I think you need to be strong and tell him that you won't marry him unless he does. This is just my opinion, based on my best friends experience. I would not like to see someone else go through what she did . Be strong and if he really loves you he will agree to get help, but please do not take his treatment of you lightly . You need to be honest and tell him how it makes you feel and please have someone else there with you for support before you confront him. You need to take a stand now before you get married , or this relationship might end up causing you to never stand up again permanently.

There are lots of places that can offer you some type of help and support either by phone or in person, or you can even go to a minister or women's shelter. They will be able to provide you with proper information, including specific signs to watch out for in a woman beater. Just remember it always starts out innocently and progresses at such an alarming speed that you might end up losing your life.

Take care and God Bless

Answer 6

Yes you should be very worried!!. People tend to get more set in their ways as they get older so if you are hoping for him to "change" or "grow up" and deal with problems in an appropriate manner, it probably won't happen without therapy!! RUN!!!You will become his scapegoat for everything wrong in his life. You deserve better. If he is unable to see how upset you are by his behavior, he is not worth the effort. Better to be alone for a while find out what you ant and find it. Don't settle. You deserve to be happy.

Answer 7

This is not a healthy relationship and yes you should be worried. If he treats you like this now it will only get worse as time goes on. If he won't change his ways or go to counseling I'd get out. He is verbally abusive and that more often than not leads to other types of abuse.

Answer 8

some relationships go that way.. but there is a such thing as a good relationship and unless you think you're gonna be happy for the rest of your life like that... i'd look for a new boyfriend/fiancee

Answer 9

you aren't doing anything wrong, sounds like you are with a passive aggressive~the question you have to ask yourself is, do the good times outnumber the bad? Is it worth your feeling like you are the one at fault? No matter how much you love him, the relationship has to be healthy for you above all else. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

Yes you did something wrong...you picked an insecure person with unhealthy delusions. My take is, when things go wrong he'd always blame it on you...no matter what.

Be worried. If you have a healthy sense of self pride, you'd kick him out pronto! I would!