Father, son relationship...?

Question

A few days ago my eyes filled with tears; tears of happiness. Here goes the story:

I chat a lot over the MSN with my son. I always send him links to my questions and answers on Yahoo, discuss the validity of the questions and get his feedback on my answers.

Instead of saying "bye" at the end of our conversation, we use the word SALAAM, which means PEACE. finishing my conversation with him I said, “Salaam”. He answered, “Salaam, brother”. I was thrilled as I realized that I brought him up well. I am not only his father, but I am a brother as well. I believe this is how the relation between a grown up son and his father should really be:

1. What do you think?
2.Would the situation be different if the mother is involved?

Serious responses only. Using foul language will take you nowhere.

Answer 1

I believe everyone is family.
I remember Kahlil Gibran, in "The Prophet", wrote "your children are not your children; they come through you, but not from you...." To me, the stress is on the brotherhood of men (I mean that in the general sense that includes women).
Parents were the first teachers and caregivers and helped the children to survive to adulthood. Children owe gratitude for that parenting but also choose to love and respect their parents as people, on an equal footing, whenever parents encouraged that.

My adult children are my good friends and my daughter and I could easily call one another sister.

Yes, you did well, my brother.
Your ego is not dependent on being in a dominant position when such is no longer required.

Answer 2

I think that you and your son are blessed to have such a wonderful relationship and it speaks very highly of your ability as a parent. It is pretty rare these days to hear an inspiring story such as yours. From personal experience I can say that I wish my father was more like you. He is okay in many respects but lacking in others.

I think there may be a difference with a mother involved. There is the whole "Male bonding" aspect and I don't think a mother would like it much if her son said "Later sister" or even "Salaam sister". The mother might find it disrespectful....

But I think in male to male relationships the term brother is used to show love.

Answer 3

It is good that your son sees you as not only a father figure..but also as a brother ..which have a connection of friendship and trust..

Though this is a good thing..you still have to let your son know that you are his father, and even though you two can also be friends at the same time..you've got to let him know you are still in charge..and need the respect of a parent..and need to be treated as one sometimes also.

You may not have any problems now..but maybe one day..he'll do something he was not supposed to..and you as a father will displine him ..wether it'd be by talking to him and telling him what he should have done or whatever.
He may respond to you as you were just his friend..and not take you seriously as a father figure anymore.

It is good that you two have this relationship..and you should work on it..so you are both a father and a "Brother" ..not just a "brother" ...because as good as it may sound that he sees you as that...you are his father aswell..and he needs to understand that first.

Answer 4

In the sense that we are all children of the same God,we are brothers and sisters not only in a global way but to the children we are given stewardship over, though we hardly ever think of it that way,so yes I agree with you and the same goes for the mother but because of the extra special bond that mothers and children share we never think of them as sisters.