There's an international student at my college who is from Kenya. We've only known each other maybe a month and a half but he seems to think I am his best friend. I got the feeling that he has a crush on me but left it alone as I have no interest in him as more than an acquaintance. Well, today he asks me to help him with a problem and I say sure and he asks me to have a "fake marriage" with him so that he can get his green card.
Well, I wanted to tell him to shove it but took the high road and calmly told this guy that I don't want to get married to him and it's really weird and inappropriate for him to ask me such a thing. He claims all innocence and says he doesnt mean it "in a bad way" and that it's just helping someone in need.
At this point I dont want to even see this guy again because its just too bizarre but we take the same bus home so I can't really avoid him. How can I gently break it to him that I think he's a freak and I don't want to talk to him anymore?
2007-03-01 14:22:54 · 7 answers · asked by latinalovekorea 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I don't know why you don't believe this babytron05 but I don't have time to make up fake scenarios on yahoo answers nor do I have time to give you a thumbs down as they don't matter.
As I am a US citizen I don't claim to understand how the process works seeing as I dont need one... but this guy out of nowhere asks me to marry him because it will help him get a green card... which is seriously one of the weirdest things a guy has ever propositioned me with and I've heard alot of crazy stuff from guys.
2007-03-01 14:38:57 · update #1
Wow. That is bizarre. It's really funny actually when you're not the one in the situation. When my sisters and I were in Ecuador, someone asked my sister how much it would cost to marry her for a couple of years. I thought that was funny, but it isn't nearly what you've got.
In response to babytron, I still thought that marriage did count? I have a lot of foreign friends and several want to marry Americans here for the exact same reason. Well, even if it doesn't count, many foreign people think it does. This scenario is definitely plausable. And, come to think of it, that did happen to my cousin about five years ago. Well, the person he just married left her right after she got her green card! So it is still possible in the US to get the greencard because of marriage.
Tell him that to you marriage is very important and it's not something to be treated so lightly, and that it actually offended you when he asked you to do that. Besides, I doubt the "fake" think will work. Tell him that you don't want him to talk to you. You could also just make it obvious to him that you are avoiding talking to him. That's a kindof slap-in-the-face way of doing things, but it sure gets the message across.
But, apart from that, in many countries it's actually not such a big deal. Like when I was in Ecuador, I got probably about 10 proposals from guys I'd never met before (none were quite as obvious about the green card as the "couple of years" guy, though). My sisters, younger and more beautiful than I, probably got about 20 each (no joke---one probably even got closer to 30 proposals). We were there for seven weeks. Now that it's history, it's just a laughing matter to us. Actually, with the three of us and with how often it happened it became a laughing matter fairly quickly. The point is, it's nothing to be too concerned about, as it happens (of course, that didn't mean we wanted to meet the people who proposed to us again). You can always be a jerk (can that word apply to girls?) to him. We kindof were sometimes when we were around someone we didn't want to talk to. It usually got the point across.
2007-03-01 17:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by Laurel W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are very desperate to stay in the US, and they think this is an easy way to get that Green Card. Just tell him no; if he ever pushes you or gets back to you about it, then tell him to get lost. With me it was the other way around, after I'd stayed in the US for five years (college & just stayed with friends for some time afterwards) and had to go back, not one but two guys offered me a paper marriage :P I declined without even seriously considering it, feeling it'd be immoral, but then I'm from Western Europe, I loved many things about the US but my home country isn't really bad or unsafe in any way.... I'm not at all sure what I would've done if I had come from a country where most people are poor, where human rights aren't guaranteed.... I'm definitely not saying you should take this guy up on his offer, not at all, but I can at least understand his request... if he doesn't come back asking again/bringing it up again (except perhaps to apologise), then don't be too hard on him.
(btw, this was about 12-15 years ago, I see some previous answer claiming it can't be done now, quite possible... I sure haven't kept up, never even looked into it deeper back then but those guys seemed to think it would've worked in the early to mid 90's)
2007-03-01 23:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I agree with you that this is a strange situation. Perhaps he is really desperate to get a green card and is asking any sympathetic woman who might possibly say yes. Either way, I think you did the right thing by saying that you wouldn't. You could get into major trouble.
2007-03-02 02:15:38 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him to get lost. That's taking a friendship a tad too far. stay away from him. with friends like that you don't need enemies. Happened ot me once too. I had someone whom I considered a friend who started to make inappropriate sexual comments (and he was married to my best friend) so I don't speak to him at all.
you'll find new friends. Tell him to stay away.
2007-03-01 22:32:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth: that you are morally opposed to what he asked you to do. Tell him that you can't be friends with someone whose behavior you can't respect. It's blunt, but it gets the job done without being wishy-washy or mean.
2007-03-01 22:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
why don't i believe this? i'll tell you why. because you CAN'T GET A GREEN CARD IF YOU MARRY SOMEONE. those days passed LOOONG AGO.
by the way before you go trying to give me a thumbs down. i married someone who wasn't a citizen and I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH HOMELAND SECURITY. so i have experience in this field. marrying a citizen won't get you a card nor will it make you an automatic citizen.
2007-03-01 22:32:07 · answer #6 · answered by LS 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
ask him politely not to talk to you anymore, that you've found his behavior odd and discomforting.
If that doesn't work, tell him you're calling INS to tell them about his request.
2007-03-01 22:27:03 · answer #7 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋